The Heavyweight Collective
Welcome to *The Heavyweight Collective*, where every week, a dynamic group of four—“this lady and these three guys”—come together to discuss a wide range of topics that both warm the heart and nourish the soul. The Heavyweight Collective brings together four unique individuals, each with their own perspective, to engage in open and honest conversations about real-life situations. Whether you're in need of a good laugh to release some tension or you're seeking real answers to life’s tough questions, tune in to *The Heavyweight Collective* Whatever you're looking for, you’ll find it here.
The Heavyweight Collective
It Stays With Us!
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Trauma healing starts with recognizing that trauma doesn't always look dramatic. Sometimes it's simply the stuff that lingers.
In this episode of The Heavyweight Collective, an everyday conversation about back-to-school stress, grocery bills, schedules, and parenting opens the door to something much deeper: how our past experiences shape the way we react when we're overwhelmed.
We unpack what trauma actually means, why experiences don't have to be catastrophic to leave lasting effects, and how childhood situations you considered "normal" can reveal themselves differently through adulthood. From sleep and food to grief, violence, anxiety, and relationships, we explore how triggers quietly influence behavior.
The conversation also challenges trauma comparison and asks a harder question: what happens when you're responsible for someone else's pain—or when your own decisions contributed to yours?
We close with therapy, meditation, boundaries, accountability, and one of the clearest signs of healing: the trigger may still exist, but it doesn't control you like it used to.
If you've ever wondered, "Why does this affect me so much?" this conversation is for you.
Thanks for tapping in with The Heavyweight Collective!
Make sure you follow, subscribe, and share with someone who needs this convo. Catch us on all socials for clips, updates, and more behind the mic. https://linktr.ee/TheHeavyweightPodcast
Cold Open And Life Updates
SPEAKER_03Oh no, I'm nigga. I'm just trying to start the episode. Me too. Uh yeah, life is real. Niggas be fake.
SPEAKER_01That doesn't have nothing to do with trauma. This is episode 248 of the Heavyweight Collective. I am your hostess with the most is. It's been a long time since yeah.
SPEAKER_03I was all kind of niggas before we hit the camera came off.
SPEAKER_01It's been a while. How's everybody doing? What's your week like, your life like? How is the second half of the year off to a start? Like, what's going on, everybody? How you doing, Daddy?
SPEAKER_05School's about to start back for the kids.
SPEAKER_01Clap for that.
SPEAKER_05So I got their hairs cut and um school shopping, uh, clothes and shoes. That would that was uh I'm I'm glad I'm over with that. Shout out to my mom for the help for the help.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah, man. Spend that shit.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03I'm I'm happy school almost back because I was I'm I'm like fucking uh boys in the hood. I'm about to start yelling Ricky. Just make sure you're I'm the nigga shooting in the car.
SPEAKER_05No straight lines. I'm sick of it. No straight lines.
SPEAKER_03I'm sick of it. Um I'm cool, man. Tired working, getting paid, straight to the city. No, that's I I oddly enough, like work don't bother me. Because don't nobody bothered me. It's so fucking it's so free. I can't go back. I told somebody then said I can't go back the other shit after this. I can't
Back To School Chaos
SPEAKER_03go back. Is it uh shift change? Uh yeah, shift change. Yeah, you know, I I just I ain't got I ain't gotta I ain't gotta look for shit. Fucked you up, huh? Yeah, man.
SPEAKER_04I mean for me, I can't graveyards fuck me up. No, I'm not gonna be out doing it, but then I'm like, I can't see niggas. I don't, I don't, I I don't consider it, I don't mean like but I just mean you don't have it, seems like you probably don't have to deal with people. I don't always win.
SPEAKER_03I talk to niggas for three minutes in the morning and I leave and I'll be like, I ain't gonna see these niggas till tomorrow morning. I said, This is great.
SPEAKER_00I love that for you.
SPEAKER_03Don't call me. Well, they can't call me, they all blocked, but you know, not blocked, yeah. They they blocked. Wow, every every number in my job is blocked on my phone.
SPEAKER_00Damn. Yeah, damn. I love that.
SPEAKER_03My therapist told me to get rid of stress. So I blocked it. Yeah, but it's cool, man. You know, uh, you got a lot of good things coming up for the family. I'm just tired, man. Family, my my my family booked and busy.
SPEAKER_00Ooh, I got a film.
SPEAKER_03These niggas are they trying to be like Sharon outside. So we I'm gonna be outside the rest of August.
SPEAKER_00I'm outside. I'm not outside.
SPEAKER_04Um, great. Okay, things have been busy. I've been very busy, uh, but in a good way. So I'm actually making shit move. So I'm happy about that. Uh kids are in school now. Thank God, hold on. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05They start Tuesday.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_05And my son gets to start a brand new school. That's what's up. Right across the street from my house.
SPEAKER_03That's what's up. Mine don't start the Wednesday. But y'all might see me just gunshots.
SPEAKER_04The whole problem though, with these two is they changed the school now to no more full day kindergarten. So now I gotta go like three times. What? Because she had full day before, and now they switched it to half days for for kindergarten. So everybody has a half day. So we drop them all off at the same time, but then gotta go back and get Graceland at like I think like 11, and then go back and get Kendall at like two. And I'm just like, yeah, man.
SPEAKER_03Strike to Jed. Strike to Judge.
SPEAKER_04But it's too many kids. Like, that's just what's happening. They're building all these damn houses. I'm like, what do you guys think was gonna happen?
SPEAKER_01Like Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Straight to Jed.
SPEAKER_01Mine starts uh Dr. School looks crazy for me this year. Because my my middle kid going into her junior year starts home Monday. The baby starts on the 19th, and then I take my baby, even my oldest to college. We leave on um Wednesday
Grocery Bills And Snack Battles
SPEAKER_01to take her to North Carolina. So yeah, I'm excited for them to go back to school because the grocery bills out and I can't afford stomach the summer. Yeah, that five-year-old wait.
SPEAKER_03That's because they snack your ass to death.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, she's crazy.
SPEAKER_03Don't don't eat no, not Nan Mill that had 75 fucking fruit snacks before 10. Open that goddamn pantry one more time. I'm gonna drop kick you.
SPEAKER_01And then she comes in with a she come in there with an orange and a plate of blueberries. And mommy, I love fruit. I love it too, damn it. Yeah, I ain't got no more.
SPEAKER_05The pups of Mo Mo Little are his and his alone. But if I don't condone the gunshots towards children, uh I just want to I'm not trying to get canceled.
SPEAKER_03I said Ricky, I said Richard.
SPEAKER_04I can't wait in here though, because grandma Bobby trying to not buy snacks, and then grandma buys snacks, and I'm like, God damn it, man. Like, they supposed to be eating dinner when they've been snacking. I'm not hungry.
SPEAKER_03I'm not, yeah. You're not hungry, you had seven bags of goddamn Cheetos.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, see, but that's why I said my five-year-old is the she's the eater. Like, even after eating all the snacks, once the sun goes down, mommy, what's for dinner?
SPEAKER_03Snacks in your stomach.
SPEAKER_01Immediately, what's for dinner? You I can't even feed her too close to the street.
SPEAKER_03Wait a minute, nigga. What my child ate a whole family-sized box. You know, the the size you get from Sam's that cereal box with the two bags in it? Nigga, that shit lasted three days.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I said, What I said, did you inhale this shit? She likes cereal.
SPEAKER_03What type of cereal?
SPEAKER_04I can't stand that shit. It was uh cinnamon crunch.
SPEAKER_00How did I get it?
SPEAKER_04Because I'm like, fuck it. Well, it's like, damn, man. Like, stop.
SPEAKER_03I said, if that goddamn box isn't seven dollars, I'll be pissed right now.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yeah. My leftovers don't last. I cook dinner.
SPEAKER_03Leftovers, nigga.
SPEAKER_01My yeah.
SPEAKER_03You're doing a bit. My kid came downstairs. Dad, I was feeling like, you know, maybe we should like go to a restaurant. I'm like, I think I'm feeling like like sushi tonight. I said, Well, you need to feel like a goddamn sandwich. Go make it. That's what she needs to feel like. Yeah, a goddamn sandwich. Oh, yeah, she sounds like my bougie ass kids.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I took my bougie kids on a cruise last week. We just got back.
SPEAKER_03You fucked up.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they're very that's not fucked up.
SPEAKER_04I love it though. Because I like I can't wait. Like it sounds fucked up, but when niggas come around and be like, Dad, this nigga trying to get at me with this bullshit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, that's a real thing, even as a mom. That's why I I try to really show them like nice things because, like, don't let nobody play you with some bullshit.
SPEAKER_04See, look at this shit. Look at this nigga, bummy.
SPEAKER_01I be feeling bad when my kids go to other people's house. They be like, mom, I was hungry, and the mom said I could make a corn dog. They'd be so mad at that type of shit. My kids, or they get mad when people make canned vegetables and shit. They don't like that. Hey, check the camera.
unknownNo, I'm tripping.
SPEAKER_03You said corn dog, and I thought about uh uh we were at the mall like four weeks ago. And uh hot dog on the stick?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I was like, aren't they close?
SPEAKER_03They closing them down, but this one was still open, and I said, Man, I went over there and said, let me get two pepper jack cheese dogs.
SPEAKER_04I was gonna say, did you get the cheese one?
SPEAKER_01I used to love and I hate that we call it cheese dog because ain't a dog in there, it's just the cheese. But I used to love it.
SPEAKER_03And my wife tried to get a bike. I said you better go get your own. Get in line, get your own nigga. She's a nice shit.
SPEAKER_01But yeah, life's been good, guys. Um I'm happy. Well, immediately, yeah, because I had to crack myself like nigga, you was crying the other day. Because, you know, life is what's it called? It's a paradox. We're
Grief, Joy, Then Trauma
SPEAKER_01always dancing with grief and joy.
SPEAKER_03Life be life.
SPEAKER_01Life be life.
SPEAKER_03So speaking of grief, we're not here to talk about your wife.
SPEAKER_05But you knew where I was going. I didn't. We all know where you're going. The blind.
SPEAKER_02I know what thing you're talking about.
SPEAKER_01You're crazy.
SPEAKER_05It's no secret.
SPEAKER_01Anywho, I want to talk to you guys today about trauma.
SPEAKER_03I got a lot. Where do you want to start? Childhood, middle school, high school.
SPEAKER_01We're gonna talk about it all, my boy.
SPEAKER_03After high school, college, yesterday. What you want to touch on?
SPEAKER_01Yesterday.
Defining Trauma Without Comparison
SPEAKER_03I got it all.
SPEAKER_01No, for real, I feel you though. Uh, okay, so give me give me a definition of it. If you had to have, if you had to provide your definition of trauma, tell me what that is.
SPEAKER_03I I define trauma as the bullshit that linger. Can't get over it.
SPEAKER_01I like that.
SPEAKER_03Scars. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Scars? Yeah. What you think, Andy?
SPEAKER_05Traumatic events that happen uh throughout my life that uh I haven't been able to shake.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, the bullshit does just say it's a lifelong thing.
SPEAKER_05You don't get rid of it.
SPEAKER_01You guys think the trauma stays?
SPEAKER_05Yep.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05I think you just learned to uh cope.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it's not necessarily it's uh the trauma of it. It's just the fact when something is that traumatizing, I guess, you don't forget it. You know what I mean? So it's just there, but it's not necessarily going back to it every time.
SPEAKER_03You just it's just you get triggering your memory.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you're like, oh shit, yeah, that happened to me.
SPEAKER_03You could be over there and be like, oh yeah, that shit did.
SPEAKER_05All right. I just think like it's like the tools that I like with therapy was like the tools I I learned to uh to understand it and live with it as opposed to uh constantly questioning why.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because I know one of you guys, I think you did, Andy, you said cope, and I I like to I don't know, cope cope has like an undertone of mask for me when I hear cope.
SPEAKER_03Um sometimes you gotta mask that shit.
SPEAKER_01No, I feel like there's coping, but then there's managing it. Like, you know, I think that trauma stays, but I think that it's important that you know and you learned through the trauma or through the experience of it, how to manage what the effects of it has been for you. So that Kevin's the same shit to me.
SPEAKER_03That's just a dude. What it sounds the same shit to me. I said she said the same shit to us.
SPEAKER_04But I get what you're saying, but it's like when I hear coping, though, I feel like it's just uh mask. No, it's uh manage, like you said. No, managing is like it can be a mask, too, because sometimes shit's gonna pop up, and how the fuck you gotta still function in the day, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03In her defense, I do feel like sometimes your coping methodism could just be you.
SPEAKER_04No, that's then that's I was gonna get that's avoidance, then yeah, because that's not a good coping mechanism. What if I said avoidance, nigga? Then that wouldn't be a good one.
SPEAKER_00He knows he's kept in his turn. That's the damn thing. I was like, yeah, they got rest.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, he's like wondering that's like I wonder how that's gonna be like after I sleep and shit.
SPEAKER_00I don't know this nigga.
SPEAKER_05I was looking forward to this.
SPEAKER_00That was kind of crazy.
SPEAKER_05I had that talk with Paul about that. I was like, he's gonna be different. He's different. The energy is different.
SPEAKER_03This nigga showed him I was at midnight. That's gonna be interesting. I'm gonna get some sleep. I said, Well, nigga, I'm going to work.
SPEAKER_01Right. Yeah, y'all don't switch. Yeah, we'll switch to switch for all.
SPEAKER_03I'm cool, though. I had you know I had me a qua shy.
SPEAKER_01I think that uh I agree with you more, of course.
SPEAKER_00Well, we thought yeah, like I was like, and then I thought about it. I was like, some stuff.
SPEAKER_05How's your uh heart rate?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, okay. I'm used to it.
SPEAKER_00Okay, steroids.
SPEAKER_03That's the first thing that bought them when you said quash shot. He's just like, so you just nah, nah. I'm good. You know, I'm used to dry school and pre-workout. I was like, you know, I'm good. Oh yeah, pre-workout.
SPEAKER_01Okay, that's it. That's crazy. So, do you feel like you can experience is it trauma if it didn't have a long-lasting effect on you?
SPEAKER_03Yes, yeah. I think the the very the the variance of the effect doesn't change the definition of what happened. I like that. You know what I'm saying? I like that.
SPEAKER_00Like if I slap you right now, it might be dramatic today, but you're gonna be traumatic for both of us.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Maybe even surrounding.
SPEAKER_05You said you you dry.
SPEAKER_03I was just playing.
SPEAKER_05I don't know. Okay, I'm saying, nigga, so you take Popeye's biscuits. No. Okay, I'm just no. All right, back to the I'm confused.
SPEAKER_04Nah, I like that.
SPEAKER_01I missed it.
SPEAKER_04You know what I did learn though? Day old Jack, uh J-O'd In N Out fries does the same effect as Popeye's does. Why would you even think a day? Oh yeah, three three hours. Literally, by the time we get to the house, I was a little high, and the fries are sitting there.
SPEAKER_00So y'all back to trauma. Back to trauma. That's dramatic. Them fries trauma taxes have that is.
SPEAKER_03You sparked the core memory right now.
SPEAKER_01No, so you feel like something in the moment. Okay, so look, here's another question.
SPEAKER_03Okay. You want to read it for you?
SPEAKER_01No. Do you
Triggers You Only Notice Later
SPEAKER_01feel like you've had a moment where you went through something traumatic, but you weren't able to identify that it was traumatic until you felt the effects.
SPEAKER_03I feel like everybody has.
SPEAKER_00I feel like the ones talk about.
SPEAKER_03Well, let me finish the kind of thought. Let me answer the question. I feel like there's shit that's happened that I'm let me speak to me personally then so you won't get offended. I feel like there's shit that's happened to me in my childhood that I didn't really think about in the moment. But now as a dog, I I think back about shit. That's why I do this shit because this shit happened. That's from information. Yeah. But it's just gaining tools to be able to do that. But that's but that's the trauma. Like, I didn't like the I didn't like the outcome or what happened here. So now I try to avoid certain situations so that shit don't happen again. So that's so I think, yeah. And it like it, like I think when I was a child, that was just a bad day. But now I'm like, oh no, that shit, that shit was more than what I thought it was.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04But that also comes from you gaining understanding it like yourself. Because like, think about people who don't do any of that. They still go through all the trauma and shit. But damn, I just realized my hair is out here. Like, yeah, nigga, I don't know.
SPEAKER_03But like I'm I'm gonna change this, like for instance, right? So, uh real quick, to answer a question, I sleep with a fan in my face to this day. And the shit started as a way for me to tone out the noise from when my mom used to get high and they used to fight. If I lay next to the fan, I couldn't hear shit. So now to this day, I really it's hard for me to sleep with a goddamn fan off. That's and but I that shit started because of what was in my the environment I was in.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Well, mine was the opposite. It's because of because candy man.
SPEAKER_03I I wouldn't worry about candy man. I told you. I know that's not real life shit. Yeah, you know. I'm over here, I don't want to hear that. But it's it's shit, it's shit like that. Like it's a little shit like that. Like as an adult, like when I look at like shit I do like habitually without even thinking, when I start reflecting on why I do it, I'm like, God damn, nigga, I was I was fucked up. Like I was just living.
SPEAKER_04Now imagine if you never did any of that work to learn that. Right. So you would never know. I'd be shit. You get what I'm saying though? Like, some people don't take the time to like know that. So it's like they don't even realize they have all this trauma until you take the time to like, because it's you have to like recognize that. Because it's I didn't know any of that shit until you're like, oh shit, maybe this, like you said, maybe this is.
SPEAKER_01And that's like it's relevant to my question because like that's what I mean. There are people that have not identified what those traumas are, or or they find themselves in moments where they have triggers, but since they haven't identified the trauma, they can't identify the triggers, and then they just always messed up.
SPEAKER_04And you know, well, the fucked up part is you could always take this to like, and this is where I feel like things got fucked up. There's a lot of street niggas, trauma on top of trauma, type of trauma, type of trauma, but nobody's identifying shit. So it just keeps spider.
Violence, Shock, And Numbness
SPEAKER_01Or they just feel like that's how it is. Like I remember I actually it was crazy when I was like 18. I saw somebody get killed, like between here and that wall, or you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_03The that explains a lot.
SPEAKER_01Right there, um somebody got killed right in front of me, and I knew it was crazy, you know what I'm saying? Like, but I didn't realize it was crazy.
SPEAKER_03No, nigga, that's crazy.
SPEAKER_01That's crazy.
SPEAKER_03So that's that's you want to see a dead body crazy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it is, and I I knew that it was something that wasn't like normal, but it took me in my adult, even though I was 18, you're not an adult lawyer.
SPEAKER_04No, hell no, you don't know what the fuck's going on.
SPEAKER_01Right. It took me older to kind of realize, like, girl, that because I remember shortly after, like, I had nightmares and it was like weird. It wasn't nightmares specific to that, but it was nightmares, like you know what I'm saying? Like something was disturbed in me, right? And then when I got like in my 20s, I'm like, that was actually really crazy that I saw that. You know, and then it it allowed me to get to a place where, like, okay, like kind of process it more and and actually like own it, if that makes sense. Like, allow yourself to say that was crazy. So I say that to say when you talk about street niggas, they've seen that over and over and over again, or they've seen they've been the one that didn't have to be a little bit more than that. Yeah, and and and they do that and they get to a point where they're desensitized to it, or they feel like, oh, that's not that ain't nothing. Like, no, it's something.
SPEAKER_04But it's like that could I don't even I don't know. It's just like we don't have that because I've heard situations like niggas talking to each other, like, hey, if you gotta kill somebody, you just gotta deal with that shit. Like, yo, nigga, that's not that's not normal. That's not good. I get what you're saying, but that's saying to give don't think about trauma, because fuck it. Like, but yeah, it's it's just I don't know. It's a I
Food Memories That Still Sting
SPEAKER_04also realized that uh what you what's on your mind? I want to know what Andy's yeah, what you thinking?
SPEAKER_05I was sitting here pondering that uh when I was younger for the longest time because of a traumatic event growing up. My mom, when me and my mom were staying in St. Louis and I was four, she would always buy one filet of fish sandwich from McDonald's, and we'd split that shit. So when I got and I came back to California to live with my dad, I couldn't even look at a fillet of fish sandwich. Like I didn't want to see it. It was it was it just uh brought back bad memories and I had no interest of being around it. I think it took me until I was an adult to eat a fillet fish and but it was just one of those things where it it took me back to a bad place. I never wanted like the thought of it fucked me up.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_05So like when I got to an adult, it's interesting to see that I was like, oh. So I'm hearing you guys talk about it, it just made me think about for the longest time I blocked. I wouldn't touch a full, like if I saw fillet fish, I'm like, fuck that.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I get scared of those. What's wrong with that?
SPEAKER_05I'm just saying, it was what it was what my mom could afford.
SPEAKER_03No, no, no, I get it. I get the gravity of it for sure. Like, I would I would say that my sarcasm is is a traumatic response.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I agree, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Fuck yeah.
SPEAKER_01He's like, and I have trauma from it.
SPEAKER_05I've seen some shit. Yeah, just sitting there going, damn, did he? Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_03No, I love that you just said that because it's very true. Uh yeah, I know. I mean, I'm very much self-aware now.
SPEAKER_04Now, three years ago, I was a thing, though. That's such a beautiful thing.
SPEAKER_01Like, it's it is being self-aware is amazing.
SPEAKER_00Sometimes it's shitty because you're like, damn, man, I know what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_01I remember I I somebody, uh, I don't even know if I want to reveal this by myself because I feel like y'all don't get it against me, but I remember this guy that I was talking about. This was years ago. This guy told me, like, you smile when you're doing you're dealing with something uncomfortable that you don't want to like, not necessarily like basically what we were getting at, he was saying like he couldn't read me, right? Because he was like, I can tell you something, and I feel like you don't like it, but he's like, you'll smile through it. So he's like, and then next thing I know, you don't answer my calls for the next week.
SPEAKER_03This nigga stay cheesing too.
SPEAKER_04Okay, well, it's funny as it sounded like he read her, but he was just like, Yeah, nigga.
SPEAKER_05So can I say you were very very well read when you tried to sneak that biscoff cookie?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, that's funny, right?
SPEAKER_00That's what trying to sneak that. That's tired me, though. You didn't have to.
SPEAKER_05I I saw the look. Yeah, you're like, oh shit, let me get this off.
SPEAKER_01It's like, oh no, but it was true, and then it was because like we would, or something would make me mad, right? Like, and that's why he said in uncomfortable situations. I guess in dating is like more relevant, like something can make me mad, but that doesn't mean I'm not finna crash out, like I'm not finna do all of that. We could be in the moment of it, and that pissed me off, and we just gonna be cool. And then my effects of it will probably come after. And like I said, he's like, fuck, I I did some shit and I feel like I can't read it because I feel like now. You know, you about to be mad at me for the next week, but right now you just like okay.
SPEAKER_03She said, she said dangerous. She said, I'm I'm the lightning, I ain't the thunder nigga.
SPEAKER_05For him, that's dangerous because he's probably thinking every nigga.
SPEAKER_01Well, he learned me. Yeah, I mean, when you learn a person though, like for him to even make that comment when he did, he knew he did some bullshit. You know what I'm saying? And he's like waiting for it to be.
SPEAKER_05That's trauma. Yeah, because he's like, Oh man, no trauma's gonna be right.
SPEAKER_01But but also to know to know me is to know that the repercussion of it is really gonna be bad. But I'm just not the crash out type. I'm just like, okay, nigga.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I think I prefer the straight up crash out.
SPEAKER_04Stop talking on these microphones because you sound like you went in them plotting and kill your ass. But poison is food.
SPEAKER_00I would not. I wouldn't. Um stop. I'm not crazy. I just I'm talking about it.
SPEAKER_03Bring your in the coffee. So you are what violent?
SPEAKER_05That's not violent. I would figure X Flex murder.
SPEAKER_01X Flex is crazy.
SPEAKER_05He's all fucked up. He's like, man, I ain't eat her food since.
SPEAKER_01No. My greatest revenge is just to leave you alone.
SPEAKER_03Oh you ain't never made nigga shit by no. No.
SPEAKER_04The movie.
SPEAKER_03The help?
SPEAKER_01What movie? The help. The help.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Nigga, I was so happy and mad at that part at the same time.
SPEAKER_01No, that is what it gave.
SPEAKER_04I was just like, oh, you got my God.
SPEAKER_01No, I can't.
Why Comparing Trauma Hurts
SPEAKER_01That was trauma. So is it trauma even if it's not? And you what you told me when you think of this right now, but is it trauma if it's not bad enough? And I want to expand on that because a lot of people will measure, you know what I'm saying? Like, so when you think of trauma and you think of like textbook trauma is like what is that? You know, really hard things. Like, you know.
SPEAKER_04But what is that? It's only relative in that regard. Yeah. Because like somebody who lives a cush life, it could have something that seems minimal to us happen. That's the most traumatic shit in the world today. Right. Who the fuck am I to tell me? Man, shut your ass up. You just did this.
SPEAKER_01And they're like, I don't know what you go through. But that's a real, that's a real concept, though. And I agree with with with your standpoint on it. If it's trauma to you, it's trauma. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_04That's why I'm saying there's no bad enough.
SPEAKER_01Right. But there, but that's a real concept where a lot of people will measure what you're doing. Off of themselves, though. Yeah, and be like, please. You know what I'm saying? Like, and I did that shit before I was to mind. Right. Right. Like, oh, I'm sorry for you, but um, something that comes to mind that's like reoccurring in my life is like I I can't stand, I don't want to say I hate, but I can't stand when I hear people say, like, when when someone's talking about death, and they say, like, oh, like they died suddenly, I didn't get to say goodbye. Like, or and they'll measure it up against, oh, it at least like if somebody's sick, you get to like you know they're gonna pass away. That's not true. That's not true either. And that's not true. Or even when people measure the difference of like, that's my brother, you know what I mean? Oh, well, and and and someone else is talking to them that had someone die, and they're just like, Well, that was your friend, like, this is my brother, though. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I grew up having a half-sister where uh one of my closest friends died, and I was far closer to him than I was my blood sister, you know what I'm saying? So when people do that measurement, that's kind of the tone that I'm coming from when I ask that question, because there are a lot of people that do that, and they try to measure their trauma up against yours, and it's really unfair, you know.
SPEAKER_03That's what it is, it's more comparison.
SPEAKER_01My initial response to that is fucking, of course, but let's talk about it. Yeah, I mean, but you do agree that you know it's still trauma, regardless of trauma, yeah.
SPEAKER_03If it's bad enough from your perspective or like Kevin said, it's like it's it's it's all relative to the person. So I can't something that's traumatic to you, maybe nothing to me. That don't mean that don't change your experience. I can't live your experience, right? So I can't dictate how things make you feel. Agreed.
SPEAKER_04To be fair, it's kind of human nature too.
SPEAKER_05Uh, because I don't see, I don't talk, I just I have I'm too active, my brain's working.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, that's fine. It should be. No, I agree.
SPEAKER_05I don't ever it's just your butt nigga, he's not not being serious, but I was thinking the king of Zumunda was overwhelmed by tying his own shoes.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah. I mean, that goes with it. That goes with it.
SPEAKER_05You know what I'm saying? Because he was like, I tired my own shoes once, and I'm like, nigga, like different queens. Yeah, yeah. I was just thinking that, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_05Different strokes for different folks, exactly.
SPEAKER_04And everybody, like you said, compares to themselves.
SPEAKER_01Have you ever, do you think that you've ever been a contributing factor
Being Someone Else’s Trauma
SPEAKER_01to someone else's trauma?
SPEAKER_03Definitely. All the time. I look forward to it.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god, you guys! I look forward to it.
SPEAKER_03I look forward if you are in uh on the other side.
SPEAKER_00I look forward to it. Did you just say that?
SPEAKER_03If you are on the other side of the counter in my place of work, I look forward to being part of your trauma.
SPEAKER_04Well, that's different, but I can't say all that.
SPEAKER_01I'm confused.
SPEAKER_03I look forward to it.
SPEAKER_01I'm being serious.
SPEAKER_03I try to give my daughter healthy trauma.
SPEAKER_01What does that look like?
SPEAKER_03I don't know. Is healthy trauma when you're sometimes I feel like sometimes I feel like shit too easy, so I kind of I can't I gotta be like I gotta give you a little struggle. Yeah, a little struggle, nigga. That ain't trauma. No, but to her it's traumatic. Like nigga, nigga, cut the wife, cut the Wi-Fi off.
SPEAKER_00That's a good point.
SPEAKER_03It's World War III.
SPEAKER_00It's working. What am I just gonna watch? What am I gonna do?
SPEAKER_04Trauma does build characters go outside like I used to, or you're teaching her this shit ain't traumatic. Get your ass up and go play, you know.
SPEAKER_03I because I know I I feel like I like I always say struggle builds character, so I'm just trying to give her a little character.
SPEAKER_04It does.
SPEAKER_03I do agree.
SPEAKER_00It does.
SPEAKER_03Um, I think to run.
SPEAKER_00What'd you what the fuck did you ask? What'd you say? What was your question? I don't know. I've been out of order.
SPEAKER_04This leg good.
SPEAKER_01I mean it too. Yeah, oh, I know. Have you ever been a part of somebody else's? Have you ever contributing?
SPEAKER_04Why were you guys so proud? I'm not proud of this. I am not. Why the fuck are you? Hey, stop judging. Let me say this. I was about to say, I'm not proud of it. Probably not gonna talk about how that shit went down, but absolutely wasn't a regulation back. Uh it wasn't mine, but how are you gonna say you're proud of it? Give me the details. It's somebody else's, yeah. And I was like, oh shit. I looked back and I was like, hmm, yeah, there's a nigga out there who hates me. Oh yeah, and he's he's right, he's not wrong.
SPEAKER_03Right, right.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, if I saw him and he stole off, I'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Understood. I'm pretty sure a boy who uh asked I beat in high school, uh, that that was a traumatic experience you won't forget. And I was happy to do it. I bet he's gonna say nothing about my life.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I didn't think about high school. I probably have to deserve it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it was traumatic. It was traumatic to him.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, how does Burst this film?
SPEAKER_03Uh the his dinner was happy you got more money.
SPEAKER_01What about you, Andy? Oh, we didn't even introduce ourselves. What are we calling you? We did.
SPEAKER_03Are you calling me today?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, my bad.
SPEAKER_03Uh damn, nigga, 45 minutes into end. And now part of the show. My bad. We good.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_05I'm just stuttered today. I'm just stuck.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_05Uh I have. I just there's I want to say there's so many events, but I'll just say that uh I I have a tendency not to realize uh how many niggas stay across you in battles? Battles and even in rap or even in personally, I just don't sometimes I don't realize uh the effect I'm having. I'm just existing, and then sometimes you don't realize that the effect it might have on somebody else.
SPEAKER_03I know I know one person you traumatized, they'll never admit it. Oh, fuck that. But then came around the corner and saw you, and he was by himself, he was traumatized.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I had if I was a different person. I'll say this if if that nigga didn't because I had the air had the whole angle to knock that nigga out from anyway.
SPEAKER_03Um yeah, and I would have enjoyed it, I would have enjoyed that story, Sharon.
SPEAKER_05But I wouldn't have had a job, so yeah, we're good. We're good. But I wanted to.
SPEAKER_01I think I probably have.
SPEAKER_03You have every day you show it without shrimp grits. Um it's a traumatic experience for me because you promised this shit four months ago.
SPEAKER_01Jesus help us.
SPEAKER_05I was traumatized when you called us the riff rain. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I felt I was like, damn. The riff ran.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I be playing.
SPEAKER_03Well, you'd even let me use the bathroom at your house. You said there was a hold on the side of the house.
SPEAKER_01Not like you just okay. I'ma say this. I think obviously I'm pretty sure that I have been, but I I I don't like the idea of that. No, yeah.
SPEAKER_04I mean, you're not the hero in everybody's story.
SPEAKER_02I'm not trying to be the hero.
SPEAKER_01No, I'm acknowledging the fact that, like, you know what I'm saying? But like, who wants to to do that?
SPEAKER_04Depends. It all depends on what it is.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Let's take it like this. It goes to like what you were saying with the uh the dad who went posed as the 11-year-old woman and did all that. Yeah, he's caused trauma. Yeah, absolutely. But it was well deserved.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, you know, that was trauma for trauma. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_04So I feel like that was hell yeah. Yeah. Let me go beat up these pedals. What the fuck are you talking about? Smoke them. Nobody, yeah. What are you talking about?
SPEAKER_05Here, here.
SPEAKER_03Show you're right.
SPEAKER_05But yeah, I never signed up to be traumatic, but I understand that I'm allowed to take pause.
SPEAKER_04Unless it's a roast. If it's a roast, yeah.
SPEAKER_05You trying to there's a couple rappers out there that I meant to do that shit. I wanted to cause you trauma. And you know who the fuck you are.
SPEAKER_04Is that different in art though? I wonder. It has to be a lot of people. In that moment, no, nigga, it's death. Well, for me.
SPEAKER_01What is he laughing at?
SPEAKER_04I don't know.
SPEAKER_00I hate y'all, bro. Why are you gonna put that on all of us?
SPEAKER_01Because y'all are the collective.
SPEAKER_00God damn it.
SPEAKER_03That nigga said I tried to be traumatic. And then I thought something inappropriate in my head. He said, and he said, because I'm allowed to take, or something. That goes with my thoughts.
SPEAKER_00Very ignorant.
SPEAKER_05Like-minded people.
Comedy Lines And Real Consequences
SPEAKER_00Um bad, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_03No, it was almost like that.
SPEAKER_01So that made me think about the roast, Kevin Hart's roast. Remember?
SPEAKER_03I never watched it.
SPEAKER_01I never watched it, but the the controversy around. Tony, yeah, uh, they brought up Grace and shit. George Floyd. So um apparently there was other jokes about like people, the the the argument was basically in art, in comedy, like that happens, you know what I'm saying? And they brought up that somebody made a joke about somebody else's dead partner and like all of these things. Oh, and I've been to roast and seen some so it's we like are all best off when it's art.
SPEAKER_03That's what we're thinking. It depends on who's in the room.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it depends. You can't determine how somebody responds to something.
SPEAKER_05You can't. I uh uh I just know that, and those that was just to me low-hanging fruit that could have just been avoided. Because you could have got the same effect doing something else. It's just uh that would just easy.
SPEAKER_04It's hard, it's a hard one for me. Because with comedy and roast, I've I've seen some shit where you're like, nigga, wow. Like, why would you say that to another person?
SPEAKER_01Well, I think even Kevin Hurt flat out said, like, I wouldn't have said that joke, but I allow it. And I'm not I understand.
SPEAKER_04I wasn't mad at him because he's not wrong in what he said, too, because they were like, he's like, what you want me to get up and stop the roast? You know how fucking much Comedy Central's paying for me to go, hey, yeah, Tony, or walk out, stop, it's like deal with it. Okay, and it's not he's not right, but he got to deal with he's saying Will Smith smack Chris Rock, yeah. That's what you seen what that nigga been doing over the last 10 years, who will Smith, probably doing Man in Black Force.
SPEAKER_00I still like Dorismith.
SPEAKER_01I like his little special on planet on uh Disney. What was it? Anyway, um, what does healing and recovery from trauma look like for you?
SPEAKER_03Therapy and not
Healing Tools That Actually Help
SPEAKER_03choking niggas out.
SPEAKER_01Um meditation. You meditate, Andy? I love that. You ain't gotta do the chance, just become one with yourself.
SPEAKER_04I think it looks like uh acknowledging shit, acknowledgement, uh facing what the trauma was, understanding what those feelings were, and kind of like just not masking, but figuring out what the coping skills to those are and how to recognize some things. Sometimes some trauma can be avoided, if that maybe, you know what I mean? Because sometimes we put ourselves in situations that were, but something just happens, you know what I mean? But it's like what sometimes you get to learn tools and things to recognize to be like, hey, this could go south. Let me get the fuck out of this, or let me see what I need to do. So I think to me, that's more like what it looks like to deal with it, and you know, I like recognizing it.
SPEAKER_01I think that it's the recognition of it, and then it's also like just being aware to to put things in place to move forward. Like, you know what I mean? So it does look like practices, it looks like whatever helps you, but it's also a lot of it is acknowledgement, I think, because that's what we kind of all are are placing, we keep going back to. Like you have to acknowledge that shit. And that's why I can I playfully say a lot, I won't say playfully, I can say from like a um okay space that I've experienced a lot of trauma. I because I you know there's the people that be like, I done been through a gang shit. Like, oh, and you're still going through it. Like, you know what I mean? Like, but back away from me. Because seriously, you see those types of people. And those like, those are the types of people where like you can't even if you meet, if you come at them with something that possibly you're going through, they're gonna meet you with, oh, I've been through this, this, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's because they they they know the things, but they they haven't taken any time to deal with it. Whereas I am, I won't say fully aware because trauma happens a lot. And you know what I'm saying? But a lot of my traumas, I can identify them and I know the work that I've done to acknowledge and to manage them so I can kind of stay from a healed space, like you know what I mean? It's like it's like looking at your life from the outside and being like seeing your checklist. And that's when, and like I told you, like it was it was when I was like in my 20s or I could have might have even been my early 30s, but I'm like, damn, I really saw somebody get killed. Like that's kind of crazy. And it it was a thing for me, like again, to put it into words, it's almost like a checklist. And it's not gathering all these things to still create hurt within myself, but they're it's looking at all these things like who you've been through that. Whoo, you've been through that, you've been like, and okay, and now to be able to identify them to to to place it how you deal with things now or how that may have shaped you now, like what Mo said. I know I sleep with the fan in my face because of this, like those are all to me like healing ways of healing, like just acknowledging it and being okay with sleeping in the fan with the fan in your face still.
SPEAKER_03I need it.
SPEAKER_01Like, but there's some people that like for a long time, if a trauma happened, um they can't go back to anything involving it. And I think that that's a part sometimes that's a healthy thing, but to me, that's like I I kind of see that as a red flag with them dealing with it, because it's like you haven't really dealt with it if you find yourself in spaces to where, oh, I can't, I can't hear that song. Like, you know what I mean? I feel like that's that's the that's that's a slippery slope because it depends on what it is.
SPEAKER_04It depends on the person because there also are certain things where you're like, I can understand why you never want to relive it, why you never want to even pop in your head.
SPEAKER_01Like, I totally get that.
SPEAKER_04That's your dealing with it where you're like, I don't even want to think about that shit. And I can't, I can I can understand that because there's shit that happens where you're like, that's just so awful that I okay.
SPEAKER_01And I think personality type probably has a lot to do with it because I'm a personality type that wants to I have a very uh I want to address it, I want to accept it, like you know what I'm saying? So I'm the type of person where I don't want that, I don't want that to be like a stronghold for me. And I feel like if I can't revisit something, that still has a negative hold on me, and I don't want that to still happen hold on me. But I also comprehend that there's different personality types. Some people, the way they have to cope or the way they have to deal is fuck that. I'm not killing with that no more. Like, you know, so I get it. I do.
SPEAKER_03What's up? I just thought about whoop that trick.
SPEAKER_01Why?
Signs You’re Making Progress
SPEAKER_03Well, you're like, fuck that. I just thought whoop that trick. Get him. Boom, boom.
SPEAKER_01How do you know when you're making progress?
SPEAKER_03In in um You don't cuss motherfuckers out.
SPEAKER_01I in a specific trauma. Let's let's narrow that question. How do you know that you've made progress?
SPEAKER_05I was gonna say, I can say I I've had like even in recent instances where I'll find myself going back down a certain path now, but my brain will catch it and be like, nigga, don't do that again. You know where this goes. There's nowhere good this goes. Just think about it. Think about it. Take a breath, think about what you're doing, and then I'll be like, you're right. And then I'll back up and I'll reassess it, reevaluate it, and say, let's take a different path because we want a different outcome. And that that was recent, like in the last week or so. And I said, Damn, that's progress because I wouldn't have done this shit before.
SPEAKER_02I'm proud of you.
SPEAKER_03I I also feel like when when the effect it again, when the effect it used to have is not the same. When it's when it's lesson.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_03So like when it's like, oh fuck, okay. Yeah, that happened. Whatever. Let's keep going. Like, you know.
SPEAKER_01Same.
SPEAKER_04Oh no, that's a tough one still. One instance in my head that I'm thinking, but I guess I won't say lesson, but at least you know how to manage it when it comes. Um progress for me looks like uh taking the time to decompress sometimes. Uh knowing when to do that and shit like that. So it's like you said, all the all what you guys said, coping and knowing what to do and how to manage and I think when you feel a shift is a very big thing for me.
SPEAKER_01Like, even when, like it's funny to piggyback on what I was talking about, like a song, right? So I got married, got divorced, and the song that I got married to for a little while in my house after me and him split, I'm like, turn that shit off. Like, you know what I mean? Probably and it was a very brief time. So where my kids was even like, we listened to the music in the house, it was like an automatic skip.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then just one day I heard it in the car and let it play. Because I mean, it still was a song that I liked, you know. It was just at the time, it was just like, fuck that song. But then after so much time had gone by, I let it play in the car, and it was actually a funny thing because then it was in the house one time and I was letting it play, and one of my daughters was like, you only skip it. And uh one of my cousins recently, she uh I had put the song on my story with with a picture, and one of my cousins, she was like, Fuck this song. How do you do it? And I'm like, nah, girl, we good now. Like, here it again. So that is a thing to where you feel like again, I'm a piggyback.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I could take a cruise now. I wasn't ready to take no cruise for a while. Nope. Okay, I'm not gonna ask.
SPEAKER_00Oh, because of the name. Yeah, leave it in a shit, nigga.
SPEAKER_01I wasn't gonna want to be out there like we're supposed to be gambling, but I'm out here just having flex, like niggas in Vietnam. Having real flashbacks, but yeah, to double down on, like I said, it's just like now I feel like it it don't have a hold on me no more. Yeah, and that's kind of like how I like to, because of the traumas that I've been through, I genuinely come from a space of I don't want anything to have a hold on me. I don't want, like when people are like, oh, I do this because when I was like this, this, and this, and and that's why I'm like this. Like, why does that still have a hold on you? And I and I get patterns, like that's different. Like, not or not patterns, but like I get certain things that you've become accustomed to and you You've kind of grown into doing, I get that, but it's like when you hear people give the reason of why they do fucked up shit or something like that.
SPEAKER_04A lack of the accountability in that because sometimes trauma happens, and not most of it, you don't have a part in it, but you have something in there, you know what I mean? On my end, even if I didn't have anything to do with why this happened, you know
Self-Inflicted Trauma And Accountability
SPEAKER_04what I mean? A lot of niggas don't want don't want to look inward. I know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I was gonna ask a question like that comes to mind like a question of does trauma always have to be inflicted or like upon you, or have you created your own trauma?
SPEAKER_04Yes, that's that happens a lot, and that's where it comes to if you don't ever take the time to like figure shit out, you're just gonna stay in it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, amen. Because I do think that a lot of people have a mindset of it's if it's trauma, someone did something to it. Oh, something you do that shit to yourself, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Exactly. If you're doing 110 on on the highway and you the goddamn buried, now you can't drive no more. Nigga, you did that shit to yourself. Yeah, yeah, like you were doing some stupid shit, and now you had to sit back.
SPEAKER_01And something that I hate about myself, to be honest with you, but I don't like when I when I hear a person telling the story, like you just said, doing a hurt and they like, and they're saying all the things, and I'm like, yo, suck it up, you fuck it up, and then they like and then they have a whole thing of how somebody else did something, and I'm like, Oh yeah, that's accountability.
SPEAKER_04The funny you don't realize what you just said, and then whole ass adults.
SPEAKER_00It's crazy.
SPEAKER_03The the funniest shit I don't want to talk no more once they do that. The funniest shit ever is is is uh this is what Stutter does. He'll listen, like, hey my nigga, I I'm your boy, but you're wrong. Yeah, I love that. Like, nigga, don't just take my side. Shit.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, no. Publicly, I won't say this, but nigga.
SPEAKER_05No, friend, I have no idea what he's talking about.
SPEAKER_01You're gonna tell somebody what they what they messed up. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um you got them all? You lost now? Spin that shit. Just act like act like you on one of your Instagram stories.
SPEAKER_01What are you trying to say?
SPEAKER_03You outside, then you just ask a question outside outside the list.
SPEAKER_01You're a jackass. So does trauma have to remain with you forever? No, it don't. Can you let it go? Can it be forgotten? I don't think does it have to shape you?
SPEAKER_03I don't I don't think it has to shape you. I don't think you have to let it go. I don't think it has to be forgotten. I think that anything traumatic can be used as a tool to guide you in the future. It doesn't have to hold power over you, but it can teach you how to navigate whatever the situation is.
SPEAKER_01I like that. I like that a lot.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I think it's just part of your life. And then not necessarily crippling. It's just part of your life.
SPEAKER_01Hey man, that's that's the word. It doesn't need to cripple you.
SPEAKER_03I thought you said crippling for a second.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I'm always the nigging banging. Ain't nothing gonna keep me from crippling.
SPEAKER_05That's essentially the premise of Spider-Man Brand New Day.
SPEAKER_04Is cripping?
SPEAKER_02That's the whole thing.
SPEAKER_05The whole accepting trauma and like and and instead of letting it uh define you. Accepting it and embracing what the difference is and then it made them strong.
SPEAKER_04And what it made you become.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_04But you only get that if you deal with that shit.
SPEAKER_05It's a dope fucking movie. I didn't say that. I took my son to go see that. We enjoyed that.
SPEAKER_03But you gotta look, you gotta, you have to be able, you have to be willing. Not afraid and willing to look at yourself. Yeah. My main advice is always I tell people, it's like, in my recent experience, the moment I started to turn everything inward first, I I got more clarity than I have ever had in my life. Can I say whatever you want?
SPEAKER_04It's okay to be afraid. Oh, definitely. I think that all of that is normal. And that's probably good to be afraid, because you probably realize there's some shit on your hat that you ain't ready to deal with. But it's like, nigga, get over that. Cause it's like a lot of the time with men, it's weird that we do that. Where it's like, we'll get, we'll find a way to just man up on some shit where you're like, that don't even matter. Like, why you gonna be like masculine for this? But then when it's some shit that it's like, yo, nigga, you gotta deal with you. Like, we're like, nah, I'm cool. It's like, this is the one you're gonna die on, nigga. Like, come on. Niggas tough to us on the pocket grams, damn.
SPEAKER_05I'm not tough at all.
SPEAKER_04But I think it's that's yeah. I'm glad that it's happening more though. More people are willing to do the therapy and willing to talk about like just their real emotions. Because like I've always been like that. Like, I think you guys know that. Like, you know that for sure. Like, I'm always been that nigga, like, well, what's wrong? Oh, I'm sad. Like, all right, well, I love it.
SPEAKER_05I've always respected that I watch it.
SPEAKER_04But I like that it seems like it's more accepted now. Oh, yeah. And like I'm hoping that it just keeps going because the more that happens, the less shit happens, I think. Like, because niggas, a lot of things happen in the world is off of trauma rebacks.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, they gang bang on breakfast. They they're always hard and you're like, nigga, it's not
Trauma Dumping And Stronger Boundaries
SPEAKER_05time to be. But it's a trauma response, I think.
SPEAKER_04All of that is a trauma response because motherfuckers don't know how to do it, so they just let it come out in some form.
SPEAKER_01I think that's one of the hardest things for me. And I it's why I feel like, and I'll be feeling bad about it, but I it's why I feel like I don't like dealing with people. Um, and it's because a lot of the times people place their trauma responses on me, and that that's really overwhelming for me because it's unfair. And I and when I'm able to, I feel like I'm an intuitive person. So when I'm kind of especially someone that I've known for a long time, you know what I'm saying? So it's like when I kind of know your issues, and in my head, I've already identified them, but then you're trauma responding to things that I may do or or whatever, okay, it's unfair. And it's like I said, it's kind of like overstimulating for me because I just feel like deal with that shit. You know what I'm saying? And I yeah, I always find myself, that's why I always feel like I'm a misunderstood person because I just feel like I can show up in a way that removes all of my traumas. And then when I get those trauma responses from people, I'm like, whoa, can you meet me there? A little bit?
SPEAKER_03I don't think you remove your trauma, you just suppress them so they don't affect the situation.
SPEAKER_01I don't think I suppress my trauma.
SPEAKER_03Just so they don't affect the situation.
SPEAKER_01Oh, so they don't affect, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like I said, I don't I don't allow my traumas to have a hold on me.
SPEAKER_03I would say to uh my response is that what I've learned is that when people show up with with their trauma responses or where they want to just trauma dump, I ain't got time for you.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I don't. It's just overwhelming.
SPEAKER_03It's real, I think uh like like you gotta be a really close friend. And I'm gonna let you okay, like, like if Andy called me and nigga needs, I'm gonna let him get it off your chest.
SPEAKER_05And I usually get upset because he'll be doing what's up, but I'm like, nigga, why don't you tell me?
SPEAKER_03No, nigga, get it off your chest. Yeah, but then by like the fourth times, all right, nigga, what we gonna do about it? Like we don't talk about it, but we don't know.
SPEAKER_05I'll just say uh the one thing that uh when you're uh when you're talking about it, uh I thought I think uh a lot of times we don't process and understand that on top of understanding people and and their trauma responses or whatever that in the most part in general people suck. And they and like when you have to deal with them, you're just like, damn, nigga, you really suck.
SPEAKER_01Like it because a real thing.
SPEAKER_05What the fuck?
SPEAKER_01Like you're sad because I'm like, why do you suck?
SPEAKER_03That's how I feel. I think one of the greatest, one of the greatest flaws you can have as a good person is expecting everybody else to be a good person.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it's like people really fucking suck.
SPEAKER_01I try to not come from that sentiment because I think that that's kind of like a very like, you're holding yourself in a high regard. No, you're not gonna try to humble myself in that, but I do feel like I show up as a good person in in the people's lives that I care about, right? And so it's like I'm trying to, like I said, humble myself in that, but it's like, why are you not being better?
SPEAKER_03See, no, I don't think, I don't think, I don't, I don't think, I don't, I don't think I'm gonna say this way I don't I don't think you should humble yourself. I think you should view every relationship, whether platonic or whatever, friendship, marriage, whatever, the same way. It needs to be 50-50 on either side. Like, if I can't come to you and express how I'm feeling and and release some event to you, but I always have to receive and like you know what I'm saying? Because when you allow someone to vent to you, you're you're essentially taking on their negative emotions.
SPEAKER_01But you also have to understand a person with a lack of self-awareness doesn't comprehend what you're saying.
SPEAKER_03But that's why you gotta tell them. That's why you have and that's not that's not you putting yourself above them say, Hey, I hear you don't, but today I can't, I ain't I ain't got the topic. I think got it for it. I ain't got it, I ain't got the capacity, and I've you it's the goddamn kids on my nerves, wife up my neck. I ain't got time for your ass to do that. Yeah, I'm I'm I got other things I'm thinking about. Yeah, and it I mean, and a real friend will understand that. All right, he but I mean for sure. I mean, I think most most decent men understand that they could just be busy. You know what I'm saying? It it ain't that they not cool with you or they they they just dealing with their own shit.
SPEAKER_01Well, I don't I think that people understand that until it gets to a certain level because what everything that you're saying right now, what I find myself doing is in instead of having like that conversation, like, hey, I don't have it for you today. I might say that one or two times, but like I said, someone that lacks that self-awareness, they don't even comprehend half the time what that what that looks like. So then I find myself removing myself. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? And now it looks like the phone or it's like you know, that's when you start to get it.
SPEAKER_04My phone's staying on D.
SPEAKER_01It does.
SPEAKER_04I'm gonna have time, uh I think that accept that that's just how my life is, because that's the way I am, but I'm doing better at boundaries. Like my uh things like that. No, just like because my therapist, she even told me that. She's like, you're just like one of them empathetic people. You really are. And like she's like, you're gonna struggle because you take things on that you don't necessarily have to. And it's like you have to learn how to just be like, you can stop. Like, you don't have to do that.
SPEAKER_01So like but there's like levels of empathy, and then I I just identified about myself recently is like I'm either zero or 100. Literally, I either no 45, no 65. Ain't no 45, ain't no 65, like it's zero or 100. And it's really like you either have can't I don't fuck with you at all, or I fuck with you. Like, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_04I don't get to the zero part. So then where are we? Because we still ain't got grids.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I'm just trying to see where we at on the scale.
SPEAKER_00So that's zero, right?
SPEAKER_03I'm just trying to see where we at.
SPEAKER_01No, it's really like, and that's a thing for me. And I someone told me, like, you gotta find you a midway. And that's it's true.
SPEAKER_03No, you don't. I think I do. No, you don't. No, I disagree. I never thinkway.
The Zero Or One Hundred Problem
SPEAKER_01I need a midway.
SPEAKER_03No, I feel like you know what you want to tolerate, you know who you want to be associating with, and when that doesn't align with you, you cut them niggas off. I think they're a world middle.
SPEAKER_04That's what I do now, though. But I think there is a middle, you just don't know that is there. The only middle she got is her kids.
SPEAKER_00But I'm saying my little child.
SPEAKER_04They might they might stretch some uh there's some 20s and 30s in there, you just you don't realize it's been on the 20 and 30.
SPEAKER_01I've set them at a 20 or 30. Yeah, but I mean, even like with my kids, I I had something that really upset me with my kids recently, and I'm definitely 160 with them. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_04That's too quick.
SPEAKER_01And it was like, you need to pull back a little bit, like you know, like and I it's so funny. Today, literally today, I was walking around my house saying that I was pausing my subscription this month. I wasn't a motherfucking mama this month.
SPEAKER_05Oh, I was like, what are we like Netflix?
SPEAKER_04I was like, You can rent the Netflix today?
SPEAKER_01I said the mom subscription has been paused for this.
SPEAKER_03I wonder if I can do that with my chip. Good luck, good luck, nigga. In a world full of gays be kindred.
SPEAKER_01Well, one of my kids, my oldest daughter, she was like, Okay, like that's tight. You ain't gonna be no mom in here? Like, cool. But no, I mean, like, I do be feeling like sometimes I just have to remove myself from people or situations. But I do think I respect what you're saying, but I do feel like I need too. And I think I feel like I need a midway for the people that I'm a hundred for. I think that that's what I'm getting at. It's just boundaries. Well, I mean it sounds like to me.
SPEAKER_04No, and I think you gotta work on some boundary setting because you have either zero or a hundred, or it's like, nigga, set something up to be like, hey, don't cross this fence. And I this right here, you can't walk past this motherfucker. She did, nigga. She said, Yeah, she like, get off my problem.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, she said, no, don't use my bathroom. Don't walk on the grass. Right. Don't come around the back gate.
SPEAKER_04You can't even get in the stoop if you're a zero, nigga. She made me go on the street.
unknownStop!
SPEAKER_00No, you want to have the funniest person. I opened the gate and not like oh, not the front gate.
SPEAKER_04You meant the side gate to the street.
SPEAKER_01He was my nigga was at the door, and I'm like, I told you the gate was open. So I can't come through the door. I felt bad about that. I'm sorry, guard it. Guard your heart. Bible tells us to guard your heart for everything close.
SPEAKER_03But I yeah, I agree with Kevin.
SPEAKER_01I do, I do guard my heart.
SPEAKER_03I feel you. I'm just I but I I I I I feel like you may already have boundaries. I do because I think you might tolerate more from people you go hunting with.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's just a lot of people.
SPEAKER_03Well, the niggas you got zero for, you don't tolerate nothing.
SPEAKER_04I guess I shouldn't say that at all. I think maybe a recognition of the boundaries, too.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, yeah, and then it's funny that you just said what you said because I remember like a couple years ago, somebody that I worked with, man, was real cool. And he told me that he felt like I fall in love fast. I was like, you know what the fuck? I don't like that's weird.
SPEAKER_04It's a weird conversation having worked. Yeah, damn. Nigga, do your job, okay?
SPEAKER_05I can't say that because I've seen some niggas at work.
SPEAKER_03Did you say email nigga? Don't worry about my love life, cuz what the fuck are you talking about, nigga?
SPEAKER_02You sound like HR.
SPEAKER_00It's like it's kind of interesting to be talking about it.
SPEAKER_01I'm glad I don't have a man. Because if I would have repeated that to a nigga, I'd like why why does that nigga have anything to do with your love life? Anyways, too many questions for me. If I was wanting to do it, I didn't I denied that.
SPEAKER_05I'll be up there.
SPEAKER_01I denied that. I was like, hell no. Like, because I'm not I'm like, if there's 10 niggas trying to talk to me, I could ghost like not ghosts, but like I'm ignoring all of them. But then I realized like once I like you, if you get to the level of like, I pretty much I'm gonna fall in love with you because but I only use that example for this, even in friendship. That's the what? Stop. That's the example. I only told that because that's the example of the zero or one hundred.
SPEAKER_04Because even in friendship for defense though, that's like 30 yard line.
SPEAKER_01What somebody watching what my name's Jack Land Jag. Anyway, so my point is y'all niggas ain't hot. Like I'm the paper.
Final Thoughts And Closing
SPEAKER_01This has been episode two.
SPEAKER_03Any fool could see that dead baby is mine.
SPEAKER_01Because I'm tired of y'all. No, this has been episode 248.
SPEAKER_03Was this traumatic?
SPEAKER_04A little bit. The end was.
SPEAKER_01The end was, yeah. It got weird.
SPEAKER_04It was a little warm. Hey, Sharon, I think you be flopping real fast.
SPEAKER_01Like we were obviously talking about stuff like that, but you know.
SPEAKER_03I'm like Andy. What time is lunch? Yeah, what time is lunch?
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna pull up real quick with somebody I work with. Man, we messing with you. Thank y'all. This is the episode 248. Yeah, yeah. Comment and uh subscribe.
SPEAKER_03Subscribe. All that shit.
SPEAKER_01All that shit.
SPEAKER_03Spin that shit. Spin that shit.
SPEAKER_00Until next time. Beach around and stay outside. Peace. Bye. Bye. Bye. That's rep, y'all. That's that's how she rep. So make sure to click like, subscribe. Tune in. We're on our screen platform. So until next time. Well hi at you.
