Peace Needs Order Part 2

In Part 2 of this Heavyweight Collective series, the crew continues unpacking the idea that peace isn’t the absence of conflict—it’s the presence of order. This time, the focus shifts from avoidance to action, exploring what healthy conflict resolution actually looks like when emotions, relationships, and pride are involved.

The conversation dives into strained relationships, unresolved tension, and the reality that being polite isn’t always the same as being at peace. The crew discusses practical tools for navigating disagreements, including how to argue without attacking, stop circular conversations, and create environments where people feel heard instead of judged.

The episode also explores parenting, accountability, and the role consistency plays in creating security. From difficult conversations with children to procrastination, fear of failure, and everyday distractions, the discussion keeps returning to a simple but powerful truth: order requires honesty.

This episode is a reminder that real peace is built, not avoided.

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Transcript

When Tension Becomes A Powder Keg

SPEAKER_04 0:00

All right, we're back for part two, part B, whatever the fuck you want to talk at, this nigga still talking a lot.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

We hope y'all enjoy.

SPEAKER_04 0:10

It would do nothing. And that's the good point. Because you know there's some niggas you just couldn't talk to. No matter what you do.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

And I'm doing that from the from the bottom of my heart. The conversation would do, and I like the.

SPEAKER_06 0:22

But where does that go to though? What is that? Negative relationship. No, I'm in the relationship with that person.

SPEAKER_03 0:28

It's a lot of life. It stays constantly strained. Right. It's just because you could be cordial with someone and still have 10 years. You know what I'm saying? Everybody knows. Everybody don't like ain't like you can.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

You can have that. It can be strained. That doesn't mean, but I think what you're perceiving it to be is that every time you're around that person, you're like, no. Like you're not always.

SPEAKER_06 0:55

But it's not that, but when there's tension, even if it's one of those where you're like, oh, well, we just, you know, normalize. We know they don't fuck with each other, blah, blah, blah. Whatever it is, it takes way less for that to be a powder keg. Okay. Than anything else, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:10

Okay,

Can More Arguments Help You

SPEAKER_04 1:11

let me ask you this. Because that's that's how tension works. Let me ask you this again. Is it is it possible for people, whether couples or friends, to argue more and actually develop a more healthier relationship? Is it possible? Yeah. As long as the constructive arguments are not circular. Yeah. And people are actually listening to it. A lot of a lot of arguments in relationships are circular.

SPEAKER_06 1:31

Very much so. Because people don't want to be wrong. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:33

Well, I'm not. I'm not, but I am. People don't want to like, yeah, face. Because it seems like your take on this question and last is like, nigga, just have the conversation. Whether it leads to the argument or not. Have the conversation so that way the tension at least if you care about that person.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

So let me let me edit that in there. I'm being honest, like, even when you care about that person, you also, if you care about them and you know them, you also kind of you don't want to hurt them.

SPEAKER_05 2:01

But what's you don't want why are you gonna hurt them? But no, nothing.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

But not only that, you don't want to let's say you arrive at the place where you can have a difficult conversation. You you you know you've done work to try to get there, you prepare yourself, and then it just goes really bad based on how that person is, right? So damn. Like you you cared about the relationship. You wanted this to, you wanted to mend it or you wanted to do whatever, but the way that that person receives it is just horribly then you may not even want to try to do that again.

SPEAKER_06 2:40

I'm just trying to think of the scenario. I don't know. McFarlane.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

I think that's a lot of a family type of relationship, if I'm being a good idea. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:48

The different dynamics play a huge role in all this conversation. It it depends on the the dynamics of the situation is will heavy, will vastly vary the the outcome of situation.

Neutral Ground And Safe Place Rules

SPEAKER_04 2:58

Uh McFarr, how can couples confront issues without attacking each other?

SPEAKER_02 3:02

Have uh, I would say have the a place of um like a neutral ground where you guys understand that in this space, and you've already had it like a the conversation before that when we're in this neutral space, everyone will be heard. Uh keep the the personal, feeling like it's in a personal attack out of the out to keep that out of out of your mind. That in this neutral bubble that we're gonna have that we already have agreed to before the dialogue is had, that this is a space where we're not judging each other, we're not this, and we just kind of like already have an established neutral ground that we're gonna have this conversation and then and not automatically come with the conclusion that I'm being attacked, even if you feel like you're being attacked, throw it out the window and just say, Let me listen to what's being said on both sides.

SPEAKER_04 3:46

Yeah. I know for in in my marriage, we we go, okay, can we talk? Safe place. Yeah. And that means, nigga, for the duration of whatever after this point, if I agree, after this point, whatever said I can't take personal, I just gotta listen. And sometimes that shit be hard. I be like, nigga, I'm you keep taking these shots and I want to shoot back. But uh, but that you know, she says her piece, I say my piece. And then it's not even a situation where I rebuttal. We just we just get off what I do, and a lot of times it's one-sided. She gets off what she feels, we walk away. And then, you know, and a lot of times that's the best thing to do. So let me walk away and process that because I'm only human, so my my initial response is hurt, and let me defend myself. It's like, who the fuck are you talking to? I can't I can't I can't start with that. So let me go, let me go do some healing and really really listen to what she's saying and try to digest it and see see it her way. But I think I I think what you said, I think that's the perfect way to do it.

SPEAKER_02 4:42

I'll learn that shit in therapy.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

Have you applied it?

SPEAKER_02 4:47

I've applied it. Has it worked? It's worked, it's just it ain't easy.

SPEAKER_04 4:52

It's not easy when it's the other way around when you won't listen.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

Yeah, but it it's it's it works. Yeah. But it's it's uh I'm telling you, the therapy's worked a lot.

SPEAKER_04 5:06

I'll ask you a different one. It

Why Kids Need Structure Not Perfection

SPEAKER_04 5:08

says uh we're gonna talk about the kids now, okay? Children don't need perfect parents, they need consistent parents, order to create security, okay? So, Sharon, do children feel safer when boundaries are clear or when they can do whatever they want.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

They I think they feel safer unknowingly when boundaries are I think that kids uh because they're front holder uh would rather the latter of what you said. They would rather being able to do whatever they want. Um, but I think that being able to do whatever they want, they end up being in chaos, right? Whether or on the other side, when it's controlled and when there's boundaries, they may not, but they'll feel more of that, feel more of that that normal, you know, um they'll they'll feel that more in their life.

SPEAKER_04 6:02

Okay, this is for anybody. How does a lack of structure affect children long term?

SPEAKER_01 6:08

No, I think it I that's that's a big thing for me in um in terms of parenting. That is like that's always been up here. Like they need structure, like regardless of what's happening in my life, their structure is going to remain to the best of my ability what it needs to be. Because and this comes from my experience, not necessarily where my life didn't have structure, but knowing that mine did and seeing people around me where they did not. And people that I like fully grew up with still know to this day, and it's a vast difference, like because my life looked like consistency. Were my parents rich? No. Was it, you know, was it super great? No. But I had consistency, and I think that that that makes above all less, above all else, my kids, a structure, they're gonna know that like this is gonna still be this way, regardless of what's happening. And a lot of times my kids haven't even realized when things were different because they still had their structure.

SPEAKER_04 7:13

I agree everything you said. And my and in my experience, the structure is everything. Um, my house is very structured. Um, as I said before, my daughter is a gymnast. She she practices 12 to 15 hours a week on the same days at the certain time. She goes to bed at the same time. She does homework on the same day, she gets up at the same time, she has the same bedtime for the most part, except for when the day's practice runs late. So it's it's not only is the routine great for her to know what to expect every day, but it also gets her circadian clock on a rhythm. So now we're not trying to force her to sleep, as long as we don't give her a shit ton of sugar. You know, we're not trying to force her to go to bed on time. It's not, it's I I flip with kids, it's always gonna be hard for them to get up unless it's something they want to do. Because when it on Saturday, when she knows she's gonna hang out with the Alice's, she be up for me. Is it time to go? No, nigga, the Lorma even went off yet. You know, but I I do feel like when it comes to kids, I I feel like structure is important. And I do think the whole dynamic and the whole process of school is to somewhat to try to teach them that. That's why you go to the same, you go to school at the same time, you get out at the same time, they go to lunch at the same time. It's it's kind of teaching them a root to have a routine in life. And regardless of whether uh, you know, you're homeschooled or or public school or you you, whatever the case may be, the structure and the routine is what's gonna get you through, I feel personally, a lot in life. So even when things are not going your way, you might have some anxiety, you might have some depression, whatever the case may be, you'll always have the structure.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:50

I I know that no matter how I feel, I'm going to the gym. After the gym, I'm gonna do this. I gotta get this done. So it doesn't matter how I feel because I still know what I got to do. And I think that structure helps you get through the negative emotions and kind of it add it like you're saying it as the normalcy to life.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

And I, you know, I just really quick, I'm gonna say, because Kevin's got something good you can tell. I thought it was cooking. What I was gonna say, I that makes sense as to why I couldn't find the chaos in my life, to be honest with you. Because it made very I'll let you know after we're done. I can't. Um because I have so much routine. I have so much. So even when it's like I already have a foolproof system, even when the chaos shows up, it's like, all right, whatever, you're there. But at the same time, I already have my routine, already have my practices, already have my normalcies. So chaos may be here, but it's kind of falling under what I'm already doing regularly. So it doesn't over, you know, overpower.

unknown 9:50

Mr.

SPEAKER_06 9:51

What do you say? No, we just have to just let it go, huh? Yeah, we just be flying. But we the I'm the IOT not the tiger.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Yeah, stop myself.

SPEAKER_04 10:01

Before can avoiding confrontation with uh children actually create anxiety for them.

SPEAKER_02 10:07

Yes. Because I think at uh at some point you have to um with kids, especially you want them to understand uh situations and you don't want them to um get to a point of unknowing uh how to deal with things, especially uh the the the one-on-one relationship with you and the child. So if avoiding a conflict or a situation with like, for example, Andreas, if he goes and does something and I don't approve of it and I just avoid having a conversation with him, I know at some point he's gonna feel like he's gonna pick up one, I piss dad off. Or dad's acting a certain way with me, as opposed to me addressing it right there and saying the reason why this is happening is because of this. And he goes, Oh, okay, dad,

Avoiding Hard Talks Creates Anxiety

SPEAKER_02 10:52

like uh like I know, you know, for next time not to do that because that mistake will happen again. Because he he has this tendency, because he's got so much damn energy, he'll jump off of the walls and he'll underpurtain himself. And I usually catch myself like and he'll he'll get real super like like caught off. And I'm like, I'm not saying this or reacting this way because I like I'm angry with you. I'm just trying to tell you like this is dangerous and what you're doing, you're not considering the consequence of it. But like if I address it now, you know that dad wasn't blowing up at you because I'm angry with you. I just don't want you to hurt yourself. So it is important to have that conversation to let them know that this is why this is happening. Don't just think that I'm dad's being angry or whatever. So that I think it is, it does help clear up for them.

SPEAKER_04 11:39

I I I agree. I I've seen firsthand how anxious my child gets with the first day of school. Yeah. Am I gonna have friends in my class? Am I you know I have to learn these is is the teacher gonna like me? What's the situation gonna be? Like, and they they experience everything we experience, but I feel like it's worse for them because they allow to process it. You know, and I you know they don't they don't have that uh uh their uh their their bucket of fucking is is is empty at that point. They they they still live in life to the fullest. They're trying to, you know, take everything in. And um, but similar, I've learned that the greatest punishment that we can give her is disappointment because she'd be like, oh fuck, I fucked up. They don't they don't approve. Like it that that does more to her mentally than any type of uh spankings or or or uh or taking shit away could ever do. Because she'd be like, oh man, like because then because I noticed like once when she feels like she's disappointed us, then she tries to go too above and behind to try to impress us. And I'm like, baby, you ain't gonna impress them. We gonna love you, whatever. We is it's the it's the we want you to change the behavior, not the attitude. Yeah, so uh but I definitely agree, Sean.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

Can you repeat the question? Oh my god, I get lost in the conversation.

SPEAKER_04 12:53

I thought I answered it first, though. No, you did not. Can can avoiding confrontation with your with your children actually create anxiety for them?

SPEAKER_01 13:00

Oh, avoiding confrontation with your children, just nick it on. That's nothing. I just have to process it.

SPEAKER_04 13:07

You just process it. Do you have an answer, Mr. Wodell?

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:10

Oh, go ahead. We're gonna give her time. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

I was about to say um the answer is yes, and I 100% with what Andy said. Sometimes they will misplace what your frustration looks like. So they can um, yeah, anxiety will happen from there. Or it can happen if mom's if now I'm just pissed off and I didn't tell you that you did something. Now you're like, well, dang, like what's going on with her, you know? So a kid that's like that and that cares, so to speak, they might feel like, oh, like was it this, was it this, was it this, was it this? Now there are those kids that could care less than one of my children. If I'm mad, she just gonna move around me. Like, okay, I'll talk to you later. Just like we're mad again. Yeah, yeah, exactly. She's mad again. Whatever. I don't care what she's mad. Um, but you know, the my oldest might probably be with you. So I do think that that without having that conversation, you are you know making them think to you. Okay. All right.

SPEAKER_04 14:12

All

Inner Peace And Out Of Control Habits

SPEAKER_04 14:13

right, we're gonna we're gonna turn this, we're gonna focus on inner peace. Okay. Um, the greatest disorder many people face around them, it's actually comes from within. So, Mr. Wendell, can someone truly have peace if their habits are out of control? And I picked, I did. Habits? Yeah, I'm picking on you purposely.

SPEAKER_06 14:30

If their habits are out of control. If anything's out of control, then no. You don't have peace? How? I'm asking you if you're not.

SPEAKER_04 14:36

If you're not out of control, if you got something out of control, then we don't have peace. So, no? Do you have an example? Does that correlate with your life?

SPEAKER_06 14:45

No. Nigga, you're talking about me smoking reefer? Shit. That's just I didn't I didn't say that shit. It's mad in control.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

What's funny is I didn't connect the dots.

SPEAKER_06 14:56

I didn't.

SPEAKER_04 14:58

I was talking about the the the shrooms in the in the in the in the 20 years. Oh, I haven't had shrooms in probably 20 years. Yeah, so the in the 20s.

SPEAKER_06 15:07

Yeah. Um, yeah, but no, still, that's not out of control. Like, I wasn't fucking just eating shrooms and not doing stuff with my life. Like, hey, nigga, this nigga just outside just swallow. He ain't paid. Well, there were some bills that did not get paid.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

There's still some bills that don't get paid over here.

SPEAKER_06 15:29

But I don't think if you're out of control, you can truly have that inner peace because there's a reason you're out of control. There's a force in that. So you're trying to run from something, I think.

SPEAKER_04 15:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 15:38

Um, now I think you can have habits and have you're in control of it. And the out of control part makes it where it sounds like it's a negative. Because why are you?

SPEAKER_04 15:49

Okay, this can go to everyone.

Misalignment Procrastination Fear And Identity

SPEAKER_04 15:51

Uh, what area in your life feels most out of line with the person you're trying to become?

SPEAKER_07 15:57

What did you say?

SPEAKER_04 15:58

What area in your life feels most out of alignment? I ain't trying to work with the person you're trying to become.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

Not funny. Fuck that place.

SPEAKER_04 16:12

Um, I'll I'll answer first to give you time to think of it. You want me to say the question one more time for you, Kevin? You got it.

SPEAKER_06 16:17

Uh, I'll listen to y'all. I think I got an idea. I'll say one minute.

SPEAKER_04 16:21

Um with me, I I am I am struggling to become more selfish, believe it or not. I think that I place great value on my marriage and my roles as a father, as a friend, that I oftentimes forsake myself and my feelings to do what I feel is better for the collective good instead of my good. So I've been trying my damnedness to work on putting me first. And for me, it's it's tough because um, you know, out of all the titles I wear, you know, husband and father are are the ones I they carry the most weight. So I I always put those before me. Um and it's it's it's it's uh I have a tough time telling my family no and my daughter no, even when I don't feel like doing shit, or even when I know that I don't really have the means, I still bog my brain down trying to make it shit happen when I know where I shouldn't be struggling to try to make shit happen that is damn near impossible. Um so I think me just what's out of alignment with me is me truly loving myself. Sure. Um are you deep in thought?

SPEAKER_01 17:40

Yeah. I'ma I'm gonna I'm gonna double down on um my resonating.

SPEAKER_04 17:45

Oh I thought you were gonna copy me.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

No, I'm gonna double down, no, because I I love myself.

SPEAKER_04 17:52

We see in your post.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

There's no I I've arrived there and it's the greatest thing ever, and I'm I'm happy with that. But and I'm well, I won't go there. Um, but yeah, I will say the procrastination just because there are things that I want to accomplish, and I think that having a better skill of not procrastinating, I guess I should say, um, or being more skilled in getting things done timely when it's not mandatory. Now at work, yeah, I'm getting things done timely, but I would like to see myself do that more in my personal life and not procrastinate in things that way of what I want to do. Like an example would be to finish school. Right now, I feel like I'm not gonna finish school because I know that my mind is not going to allow me to be like this. Like, you know, how I would need to. So I would have to get that in order first. So yeah.

SPEAKER_05 18:48

Be like what?

SPEAKER_01 18:54

No, I I I do. I need to stop procrastinating.

SPEAKER_04 18:57

Do you have an answer, Mr. Mendele?

SPEAKER_06 19:00

Yeah, yeah, of course I do. Okay. Would you like to hear it? Yeah, we would. That's why we're here. Uh I think I have to align that uh fear of uh failure.

SPEAKER_07 19:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 19:17

There's a lot of things I don't do because of fear of failure. So I gotta figure out get over that. Because I don't know. I'll take over there's a belief of myself, so it's not like a lack of confidence, but it's like, what if this shit don't be what I I expect? Okay. So I think I fear that. But then I just don't start shit. Okay. So I think that's I don't know what to do about it. Trying to figure it out. I don't know what the fuck I gotta do. I think I just have to do and just say, fuck it. But that's if I would have figured that out, would have been doing that shit by now. So I think that's the biggest part that I have to work on.

SPEAKER_02 19:58

I know that's not necessarily the question, but it's in the vein.

SPEAKER_04 20:01

That's it. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:02

Um's is seriously the fucking job, but it has to do with the fact that a lot of times you get lost in the hamster wheel of providing because of the job, so you start losing your identity in that because you're you go to work, you go through the motions, then after a while, you're not doing what either makes you happy, what uh what you're trying to focus on outside of that, because all you're thinking is go to go to work at this time, work for this long, come back, rinse and repeat for the the week, and then you're doing everything that's in your bubble of what you do in a uh weekly routine where you realize it a month and pass and you're like shit, I didn't do what I was supposed to do, I was trying to do, and then then that becomes that. So I feel like the job for me personally is uh it kind of hinders my mentality because you get it's so easy to get lost in the whole routine of doing the job that you start not thinking about the stuff that you're passionate about or or that you that you want to focus on because you're like, all right, this job provides this, this, this, and this, and this. And if I don't go to the job, then you start talking to your fucking coworkers and then the coworkers start getting you lost in the fucking the the the fucking shit show of a job. Like for example, I'm glad I was gone this week that fucking now they're doing the the uniform attire shit. So now it's like they're nitpicking on you, so you can't not focus on the job because now they're looking for a reason to fuck with you at the job.

SPEAKER_06 21:28

So it's like set, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

So it's like okay, you gotta look this way or present this way, but it's just because they're looking for the flavor of the month to fuck with you for.

SPEAKER_06 21:37

You don't think some niggas showed up to somebody's door all fucked up? I I get that.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

It's just it's what they're looking for. They're flavor of the month, and it fucks with you because now you're fixated on that instead of something else you could be doing.

SPEAKER_04 21:49

Okay. So what I hear is I I I I hear is is you saying that the job is not allowing you to put time and tell the thing. You love your passions.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

More or less my identity, though. Like, I feel like I get caught in the identity of the driver. That's what I was.

SPEAKER_06 22:07

I was thinking you are that's you're your job now.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

That's right, but I'm not that.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

So work-life balance thing, it's more so like you only that one hat is the main hat.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Yeah, that's the brain. The the where the my brain goes to is you're that, you're that. And you're like, no, but you have to have to go out of my way to tell myself, but you're more than that. Okay. You know what I'm saying? Like, oh, that's crazy. All right.

SPEAKER_04 22:28

Yeah, so so I'm happy you said that, Sharon. So what I am suggesting is I I I I say that we hold each of us accountable and and pushing us together as a collective along to be in alignment. It looks like you did there. What our situated there.

SPEAKER_03 22:44

He's the best homie.

SPEAKER_04 22:46

That is my challenge.

SPEAKER_06 22:48

Um what you want me to start like, hey, I'm not scared today. No, nigga.

SPEAKER_00 22:53

No, what what I I did a thing, no, so so here's the thing.

SPEAKER_04 22:57

Here's the thing. I don't want you to say you're not scared today. What what I want would be for the three of us, you know, Mo Sharon, Sharon, and Mr. Fly, to ignore is to con is to affirm or to confirm to you that there's nothing to be scared of.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

Oh, I like that.

SPEAKER_04 23:14

So we I I don't want you to change how you think. I want I want us to validate that you can do it.

SPEAKER_02 23:19

So what? That's the difference. When you put out skits, I'm uh I'm gonna put laughing emojis.

SPEAKER_06 23:25

Well, I gotta build this damn thing still. I've been saying it for how many months?

SPEAKER_01 23:30

I had I had it comes to mind right now because yesterday.

Fear Of Falling And The Mind

SPEAKER_01 23:35

Fear is so such a mental reaction to um it's it's irrational to a point. And I had a moment yesterday it was crazy. My best friend and I went on a hike, and I was in love. We were all through the truth, it felt like snow white, like all through over the whatever, through the forest, whatever. We came to a point, we were talking, and we were having a good time, and we came to a point where we're walking, and we're walking on the it's it's pretty narrow, but I'm seeing the trees and stuff, and we're just going and I'm just walking and we're just talking or whatever. And something made me look down. We got to a point where the trees were a little bit more see-through, and I said, Is this a fucking cliff? What are what are we on? And my best friend had done it before. She was like, Oh yeah, like we're she and she knows me. So she like immediately she was like, Why did you look down? And I realized where we were, and it was like that, it was instant, and to where I'm like, Oh, yeah, no.

SPEAKER_07 24:35

Are you gonna hike?

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Yes, but I'm it's weird because I can get, I've done so many heights. If I get up and I'm I could go, you know, let's see right there, if I could be at a safe distance and then that's however down, I'm fine. But that cliff, it being so narrow and rocks and stuff, it was more of a fear of falling, I think. It's not the fear of heights, it's fear of I'm I'm not in a safe place for the height. I can be up high, but I can't be in a place that I perceive to be unsafe. But the point was I was fine in that same exact spot until my mind allowed me to not be anymore. So that's really how, and I just couldn't stop thinking about it. After we left, I was like, fear really messed me up right now, but my mind allowed it to happen because I was okay.

SPEAKER_04 25:30

So it's I was gonna agree with you because I've been rock climbing. And so I realized rock climbing is that I don't have a fear of heights. I have a fear of falling.

SPEAKER_00 25:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 25:39

So as long as I feel like as long as I feel like I'm safely secured to something, I'm fine. When I felt like death is impending, I have a that's what I have to get.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

And it's on its way.

SPEAKER_02 25:51

Where would you rate the the level of fear with the falling? Like a night. Like a night.

SPEAKER_00 25:58

Yeah, we turned around. It depends on how high.

SPEAKER_02 26:02

Where's the level of fear for the rabbit? T for her?

SPEAKER_00 26:07

I'm almost on you.

SPEAKER_02 26:08

Oh, I'm just asking a question because the rabbit ain't gonna do shit to you either.

SPEAKER_01 26:13

The level of fear for the rabbit, ooh, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

That rabbit be goddamn stupid.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

It was just like, you know what? It's weird. It's not a fear, it's more of like like cats. I don't, I'm not afraid of cats. I hate cats. Do not touch me, do not get anywhere near me. That's but it was like it was the equivalent of that. It's not like a fear, but I don't want it near me.

SPEAKER_02 26:36

You just don't fuck with them.

SPEAKER_01 26:37

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 26:38

Okay, I'm just what I'm trying to figure out because I was like, you can take the same approach. Like, that rabbit ain't gonna do shit to you. Yeah, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 26:44

I and that's what everybody automatically says. Like, it's a rabbit. It's not about it's it's not that I think it's gonna do it, it's not like I think it's gonna be like, yeah, like I don't think it's gonna do anything to me, but like just I don't want it by me at all.

SPEAKER_04 26:53

Okay, I'm happy you said that, Sean, because this is gonna be the last question that I ask everybody openly um before I do the rapid fire. Um

Is Peace Discovered Or Created

SPEAKER_04 27:01

do you believe peace is discovered or created? Bit of both. I I agree, Kevin.

SPEAKER_06 27:09

I agree. Go ahead, tell us why though bit of both.

SPEAKER_01 27:12

Once you discover it, you start to create it.

SPEAKER_06 27:14

Well, yeah, you find what brings you peace. Because some people will be chasing peace at the wrong places for their peace. If only you knew.

SPEAKER_01 27:25

Well, some people chase other people's. Yeah, what they perceive and they don't know what they're all doing. Yeah, there's they're seeing what other people are doing to make them happy, so they want to do that to make them happy, and that's why it's really a discovery. Because when you really come into knowing yourself, you're like, oh, I like this. Like, you know, you start to see the things that you like, and that's why it's it's twofold, it's or not twofold, but it's it's a two-part. Like you discover it, and this is from my personal experience. When I started to discover and knowing myself, the things that really brought me peace. Now I'm just living a life of carrying that, like always, you know.

SPEAKER_06 27:59

That's what I like them renaissance fair niggas. They like they and they own shit, man. Them niggas that reinvent the Civil War, too. They just happy out there. Yeah, you just be able to see like this nigga like took the whole year to make this outfit and was excited as fuck, and then came out, and you don't even know this is the hardest nigga you be walking around until they get to the renaissance for shit. Like, what? But they found their peace.

SPEAKER_04 28:28

Yeah. McFly is it is it's amazing. Is it discovered or is it created?

SPEAKER_02 28:32

Oh, and my experience has always been discovered, and then uh and when you discover it, then you want to create more. Because for me, when I discover music, when I realized this shit make me feel dope. Like then I just wanted to rap more and more. And I was freestyling every fucking way I went, and then it just made me feel like I was on a high. So yes, discover it, then you create more once you discover it.

SPEAKER_04 28:56

I I I I I agree. I I think it's both. I think I think you create your own peace by setting your boundaries and sticking to them. Um, I think another way you create peace for yourself is is saying no without the explanation, without explaining the no. It's just a no. Um, and I also think it is discovered because you uncover things that you didn't know you had interest in that bring you peace and calm. So I feel like it's a little bit of both, and that I don't think it's either or. I think I think it's the combination of both of those things.

SPEAKER_01 29:26

You have to craft you have to craft your life. That's what I realized. I'm at I live, I live in a constant state of knowing that like I have to craft what it is that brings me joy. Like you don't, you don't wake up in the morning and well now I do. But initially, like when you're not before you found it, you don't wake up in the morning and feel joy because this life is there's too many things to not feel it, right? But then it's like when you know what brings you joy. Now you wake up in the morning and you intentionally choose those thoughts. You intentionally choose those, you know, I'm gonna choose those habits, I'm gonna choose those practices. I'm gonna choose that. And then it's a sense of doing that every day, and then you create your routine. And then it's like that's when you find yourself, okay. My life is at peace, my life is full of joy. There's still a fire happening. There's still gonna be the fires that come, but now my life is in a constant state of peace and joy. Where now those, you know, okay, well, now there's this fire is here, let me handle it, but I'm gonna always resort to my peace.

SPEAKER_04 30:32

All right, I'm I'm finna shoot from the hip.

Rapid Fire On Conflict And Boundaries

SPEAKER_04 30:39

All right, here we go. You you can say yes or no, or you can give a brief answer. Oh, nice. Okay, I don't want no goddamn dissertation. Okay.

unknown 30:51

Whatever.

SPEAKER_04 30:51

I'm going Neil deGrasse Tyson on this. This first question is for Sharon. Is avoiding conflict a form of dishonesty?

SPEAKER_07 31:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 31:04

Okay. McFly, what's more dangerous? Anger or resentment? Resentment. Kevin, have you ever thanked someone for confronting you?

SPEAKER_00 31:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:14

I would want to see that conversation.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

And I believe in that. I do too.

SPEAKER_04 31:19

Probably a bunch.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

That's how I feel too. I'm like, I wouldn't actually hear about that one.

SPEAKER_04 31:24

Um uh McFly, can you uh can boundaries exist without confrontation?

SPEAKER_02 31:29

Uh yes.

SPEAKER_04 31:30

I agree with that too. Sharon, are you raising peacekeepers or conflict avoiders? Hit you in the motherhood. Hit you in the motherhood. Peacekeepers.

SPEAKER_00 31:46

I don't know, that little one kind of first you're nut, actually.

SPEAKER_04 31:52

Kevin, is is is confrontation a skill or a personality trait?

SPEAKER_06 31:57

Some niggas just a personality trait. Like, damn, you just like to fight. God damn.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

That's how he asked the question.

SPEAKER_06 32:10

Depends on who.

SPEAKER_04 32:12

That's what I'm gonna go with.

SPEAKER_00 32:15

Oh my god. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_04 32:17

What's the difference between peace and comfort?

SPEAKER_02 32:20

Uh shit. Peace is uh to me a a place or a constant state of um being. Yeah, where comfort is just you're comfortable in leather. That could be temporary and I like that.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

Temporary versus all right.

SPEAKER_04 32:43

Sharon, have you ever mistaken silence for agreement? Yeah, you were talking all that shit earlier about silence. So I saved this one just for you.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

Have I ever mistaken someone else's silence for agreement?

SPEAKER_04 32:54

Silence in general. It could even be your own.

SPEAKER_01 32:57

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 32:58

Or someone else's. It's kind of how you interpret the question.

SPEAKER_01 33:01

Yeah. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:02

Okay. All right. I lied. This one's for everybody. Can you have peace without accountability?

SPEAKER_02 33:11

There's a lot of ignorance's bliss for a lot of niggas. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 33:15

Hey, we are we are really about to show the difference between men and women right now.

SPEAKER_02 33:21

I was saying, I know a lot of ignorance is blessed niggas.

SPEAKER_00 33:24

No.

SPEAKER_05 33:24

Just be walking through.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

I'm like, they fuck it.

SPEAKER_05 33:27

They look heavy as fuck.

SPEAKER_01 33:30

I was answering for myself. Y'all is that is true.

SPEAKER_06 33:33

Zinned up.

SPEAKER_02 33:36

They take accountability for shit. You like damn.

SPEAKER_01 33:39

The reason why I say no is that accountability and and finding self-worth, all of the things is what allows you to arrive at peace. Okay. That was my personal walk. All right. Or is my personal walk.

SPEAKER_06 33:54

Um, you did the things.

SPEAKER_01 33:56

Reflection. Reflection, accountability, all of that is necessary to really be at peace with things, you know?

SPEAKER_06 34:06

So you know what? Real peace. Yeah. Motherfuckers walk around.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_06 34:10

No, they got no. No, well, they might be real peace.

SPEAKER_04 34:14

Do you think about nigga walk around with a piece? I'm gonna say that you cannot have peaceful accountability. Uh I'm a firm believer in accountability. And I I always say that whether you are right or wrong, you're accountable for some portion of the situation.

SPEAKER_02 34:27

I said I know some a lot of ignorance of less niggas.

SPEAKER_03 34:29

I said I said this is my personal opinion.

SPEAKER_02 34:32

I know, I know a lot of peaceful deadbeats. Yeah, everybody else's fault.

SPEAKER_01 34:38

You're like, but I'm gonna break that down more because people, they're not really at peace.

SPEAKER_02 34:44

I get the I get what you're saying. I don't believe that.

SPEAKER_01 34:47

Yeah, it's a lot of it's a lot of people. A whole lot of people that talk around.

SPEAKER_06 34:54

No, because I personally planted your fucking face. I'm gonna do what y'all do to me, though. I'm gonna do what y'all do to me. But there's probably like three niggas walking around that's really blimpic.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

Let me fit this. There toxic positivity, there's a spectrum for that. There's a lot of people that it's just like I've seen like the person who everybody in their family hates them. They're an actual asshole. They sit and they might be drinking their life away. You know, all of the things when you go and look at that person, you're like, damn. And they like, I'm happy with my life. I, yeah, my kids don't like me, but I I do what I please.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

Is that P? That's a lie. No, it's funny. It's funny.

SPEAKER_04 35:32

I had I did have I had a whole uh section on false pieces I skipped because I didn't want to run too long. This could have been the long uh no, this is nigga.

SPEAKER_01 35:41

This isn't very long, but we should have gone on the false piece.

SPEAKER_04 35:46

Okay, well that's well, fuck it, let's

False Peace And Comfort Traps

SPEAKER_04 35:48

do it. Okay, false piece feels good in the moment, but expensive in the long run. Okay. Um why do temporary comforts often create permanent problems? And I think this goes hand in hand with what Sharon was just saying. In the case of the deadbeat, he's he's telling himself lies of why he's a deadbeat to feel comfortable in that. But in the long run, when his kids uh go to the NBA, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 36:17

All that goes away.

SPEAKER_04 36:19

He's lying to himself to not to avoid the guilt. Yeah, essentially. Yeah, so that's the false beat. The false piece that we we we set up we set up these, right? Hopefully, we set up these fabrications.

SPEAKER_01 36:29

And I'm gonna add another layer.

SPEAKER_04 36:30

We set up these fabrications in our mind, in our head, to construct things to look to appear one way to us so that it doesn't haunt her, haunt us on a daily situation. Yeah. And I I see this firsthand every time first, every time I speak to my father, I see this. And I say, nigga, let it go. Because we, nigga, it's too late. Let it go. No one is holding this against you but you. And that tend to that tends to be the outcome of it at the end. But do you think you can find peace in the wrong things?

SPEAKER_06 36:59

Yes. So then you're at peace. Big booty bitches, but then you're at peace, even though you're in the wrong field. Like, right? You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah. I think a lot of people are.

SPEAKER_01 37:15

Yes. So there's there's two brackets to it. That's why I said there's a whole spectrum of this, but there's two parts. There's a person that is outwardly wanting to be the toxic positivity person, and everything's so great, and they go home and cry. So to themselves, they know that everything, but they want it to appear that way outwardly, right? But then there's that MF, the deadbeat dad, warm, you know, that we're talking about. Or mother. Or mother.

SPEAKER_04 37:43

It's Father's Day, nigga. Don't get on us.

SPEAKER_01 37:45

Oh, we're about to get a bunch of them.

SPEAKER_06 37:48

We're gonna get them into all my ladies who's single.

SPEAKER_01 37:54

I don't do that. Um, I think that there's also the person that has really internalized that they think that they're happy. Like that's that's that person. Like, they don't even realize that they're lying to themselves. But this is the thing.

SPEAKER_06 38:11

I'm not negating those people.

SPEAKER_01 38:12

That's sad.

SPEAKER_06 38:13

I'm not negating those people. I think we talking. Yeah, you think is what you know.

SPEAKER_02 38:19

They just don't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_06 38:21

It's not even oblivious.

SPEAKER_04 38:22

Yeah, they're not obli- they just but you you have you have some people, but that's what I'm talking about. But you you have but you have some people who tell themselves the lie so much the lie becomes the reality.

SPEAKER_00 38:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 38:32

Now, yeah, that and I see that that can be used for good or bad. Because as good people, yeah. Okay, y'all talking as good people, yeah. Okay, we we we know this. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:43

I mean, yeah, we live in a world with Donald Trump.

SPEAKER_00 38:47

Yeah, yeah. That's a good example. Like I have nothing to say about that.

SPEAKER_02 38:52

So it's like you can tell me about the other side, but I can tell you that there's another side that just don't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_06 38:57

This nigga believes it.

SPEAKER_02 39:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:02

I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 39:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

I feel like they don't care, but I think that that falls into the bracket of the people that they're lying to themselves.

SPEAKER_07 39:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 39:11

I I still do, like, I don't think that from the bottom of my heart, I do not think that anybody is just we want to believe that they're lying to themselves. A trash person and is just a hundred percent mentally okay with it. There's a lot of things like you can be lying to yourself to the point where you believe it. There's all of that, but I don't think that there's anybody just based on our design, you can't just be a horrible person and genuinely. I hate to take it here. John Wynn Gacy dressed up like fuck clown people.

SPEAKER_06 39:46

Like, what are we talking about?

SPEAKER_02 39:47

He was he was fine with it. I think the thing that's crazy that you know what I'm saying is people who are just those fucked up people that when you get it off a lot, like when you're successful in that they start they start believing that shit. You start believing that shit, and because you're so successful in that belief, it becomes your reality because you're successful being a fucked up person.

SPEAKER_01 40:07

No, you're right. You're right.

SPEAKER_02 40:09

And you're like, damn, if I'm getting this success, it must be right. Now I agree with you.

SPEAKER_06 40:15

I agree with y'all that the uh not too much on blue face. There's uh I like blue face, there's more people that are not that are blind to themselves than the fucked up.

SPEAKER_04 40:25

Yeah. Hold on, Kevin. I gotta stop.

SPEAKER_06 40:28

I'm not going, I'm not, I didn't I just ignore this.

SPEAKER_04 40:30

I just ignored it on purpose. Oh yeah. Oh my god. Now I know why she's single.

SPEAKER_01 40:37

He's trifling. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 40:39

It is like Did you say he's just trifling? Yeah, he's more than trifling.

SPEAKER_01 40:43

That's what I'm that's the only problem. He's an attractive man. Like he really, he's cute. That's cool. That's that's and that's where it stops. All of everything else that y'all thinking about, it doesn't matter. Like, I'm just saying he's an attractive man.

SPEAKER_06 40:58

You threw in the trifling, huh?

SPEAKER_01 40:59

You threw, or he just no, I know, but y'all, y'all like measuring up all the other shit. Like, oh shit, I cute.

SPEAKER_00 41:05

Like, no, I said he's cute.

SPEAKER_06 41:07

All right, all right, okay. No, that's not what you did. Yeah, you went not too much on blue face, but oh hold up, nigga, my bad. Yeah. Anywho. You just disappointed mo.

SPEAKER_01 41:18

I see.

SPEAKER_06 41:19

I'm gonna just ask one more question.

SPEAKER_01 41:20

Yeah, we're talking about you see what I'm thinking about. We never date no fucking blue face with me ever.

SPEAKER_04 41:25

Calm down. Sorry. Uh I'ma ask one more question before I say my final

Culture Priorities Social Media And Presence

SPEAKER_04 41:31

thoughts here. Um, if peace is the presence of order, what needs to be put back in order in our culture today? In the culture. What?

SPEAKER_06 41:41

Like this, we probably got a lot.

SPEAKER_04 41:43

Yeah, there's more than one. You would y'all just give me one or two. Jesus Christ. I think our priorities is that's one in our culture.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

Just people caring about. I don't know. Sorry, go ahead. No, go ahead. Our culture in general, I think that people are very, we have this individu what is it called?

SPEAKER_04 42:04

Uh individuality.

SPEAKER_01 42:06

Yeah. Like everybody self-centered. That's what people love, right? Nobody cares about being selfless. Nobody cares about having, you know, giving grace to people. Nobody cares about compassion. Nobody cares about any of those things.

SPEAKER_02 42:21

So we lack empathy.

SPEAKER_01 42:23

We lack everything. I mean, empathy, there's so many things that we lack because everybody cares about that's what gets pushed. Our culture is heavily okay.

SPEAKER_04 42:34

But what's getting what what gets pushed and what's factual is two different things. I don't necessarily agree with what you said.

SPEAKER_01 42:41

What's factual?

SPEAKER_04 42:42

Like I can't prove it, but I don't think I don't think I don't believe that what's I I feel like what's being pushed is for entertainment per purposes. No, I don't I think I I feel like the stereotypes get pushed. No, there's a lot of there's a there's a lot of things, there's a lot of positive things that don't get pushed. I wouldn't I do feel like us as a as a as a black community, I do feel like we do stand behind each other. And I feel like in in in our community as well as other communities, there's there's outliers. That and it just so happens that the outliers get more coverage than than the core. That's how I feel.

SPEAKER_01 43:13

Well, I mean social construct. And I don't know when you said when you say our culture, I meant the time. I didn't really mean. I'm talking about black people, though.

SPEAKER_04 43:22

You're talking black people, she's a lot of people. Yeah, and I'm not sure. If you're talking about America, yes, but I'm talking about black people.

SPEAKER_01 43:27

And that's fair. Um, okay, I'll take back what I said. Um, but yeah, um I meant more like the social constructive thing is like Yeah.

unknown 43:38

Mr.

SPEAKER_04 43:38

Wendell, nothing?

SPEAKER_06 43:39

I say we are priorities. Okay. We gotta a line.

SPEAKER_04 43:42

Do you need big more big booty women?

SPEAKER_06 43:46

More what?

SPEAKER_04 43:46

Huh?

unknown 43:47

Nothing.

SPEAKER_06 43:47

Big booty women is that's I mean I'm not a I think that's where that's part.

SPEAKER_05 43:54

I feel like that's part of where we say it ain't all that's why we got all these BBLs and You nigga go buy that. Just be happy with you got girl.

SPEAKER_02 44:03

Yeah. I I think a major thing that I I I've started doing myself is just step away from what we're doing. Like I I used to, I don't remember this mo. I used to heavily be on uh social media doing memes and shit. I don't unless it's like me posting pictures about something or something I come across, I try to like kind of detach myself to try to be more present. I think if we're more present, you get to see what the fuck is going on more instead of just being like this all the time. Step back. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 44:35

And then if present in your present in your own life, right? I know we're talking about culturally for our people, but at the end of the day, if people had more awareness in their individual lives, then maybe they could pay more attention and do more to cultivate that. Because I think that we often as a people, you know, is we have the the saying of keeping up with the Joneses, right? That's black people in a nutshell. And social media just intensified the shit out of that because everybody wants to look a certain way, and that's like the same thing with social media. Like I I don't want to be viewed by the masses. Like, you know what I mean? And it's like social media gives you that platform where that's what you you do because that's where that's at. And then it's just kind of like when I really tap into self and I really like think about it, I'm like, I really don't even like why did I do that? Like, you know what I mean? And that's kind of something that I struggle with for myself. Like, I I can't stand social media. Am I on there all the time? Absolutely, yes. But it's just like I think that that's a thing that to their their own lives, their home lives, their family lives. I think that it would it would create better, you know, the the kids that were raising and all of that type of stuff.

SPEAKER_02 45:56

Um because I I'm very to myself, but um I was I was going, I was leaving the gym one day and I went to the Viter shop to get like whatever deal they had. And it was an older lady walking out, she had to be in like her 70s, and she was trying to walk out of the Vita shop and she was trying to like walk. And I usually my mentality is just stay in my own space because I don't want to offend anyone. I don't want to um but my brain instantly, because I wasn't in my phone, I wasn't I instantly saw that she needed help, and first thing I said was, Do you need help? She's like, Oh yes, thank you, sir. And I helped her to her car, but I could tell she wasn't even expecting that kind of consideration. But it was one of the things where I wasn't like everyone else doing this, or like like trying to say, but like my brain just went, no, pay attention to what's happened around you. Yeah, she needed help, and that in that instant it made me realize, like, yeah, you gotta you have to detach. And I think that creates the the opportunities to to to show compassion or show empathy or show that because you're not so caught up in this or what what you're doing, but I was just absorbing the situation. Like I was walking in and I was like, I felt good, I just left the gym. I'm having a good day, and I just happened to see a situation where it was like I could be helpful. Yeah, but uh when I'm in my phone, I'm not thinking about being helpful. Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 47:13

Like it's well, because you're not observing your surroundings like that. I I everybody always calls me an old lady because I love to like people, you know, I like to do it. Everybody can watch it, yeah. Well, no, some people just really be on their phone. Like if you haven't watched the people, no, I know, but I'm saying watching people interact with each other is is it's really cool to see. Yeah, like you know what I mean, because we're all living different lives, and it's just like you can you don't have to be doing anything specific. I don't have to go to the beach and intentionally people watch, but you know, when I'm sitting somewhere, there's a lot of people I sat in the airport, and it's just like I observe certain things, um I look around me, we're all waiting on this flight, and literally every phone is out, every phone is out, every phone for different reasons. And I know that our phones have sometimes I struggle with the fact that my phone has content that I want, you know what I'm saying? If I'm in the airport, I don't have my Bible with me. I might be on my Bible app, I might be listening to a book, I might be watching a podcast, I might not be doing the so I'm just saying that because you make a million dollar deals, yeah. Well, I'm saying people And your weird ass over here just now people could be, and that's what I'm saying. People could be doing people could be doing things that are useful to them. It's not like, but I'm just saying everybody's like this, and I just kind of look out and it was it's interesting.

SPEAKER_02 48:26

Okay, well, it doesn't uh go that you be doing. I'm imploring you.

SPEAKER_01 48:30

I'm looking at different people.

SPEAKER_02 48:32

I'm gonna throw it out into the universe. It seems we'll be working lately. Do a 30-minute stand-up and just post it on YouTube. Yeah. Just like in your living room.

SPEAKER_06 48:40

30 minutes of new shit. I gotta write this. Nigga, you saw shit. I gotta write a right. I gotta respect the craft.

SPEAKER_02 48:49

You seen how many sorry niggas is that? You probably don't. Post your own stand-up in your living room or wherever. Nah. I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_06 48:56

I appreciate it, but I gotta go out there. I gotta feel it. I gotta touch the grass.

SPEAKER_02 48:59

I get that what you're saying, but I'm saying it's your own comedy special to post.

SPEAKER_06 49:03

I'm gonna talk to you about that later.

SPEAKER_02 49:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 49:06

I feel what you're saying.

SPEAKER_02 49:06

Because I think it'll be I think it'll be received well.

SPEAKER_06 49:09

Because I miss the yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 49:12

We'll put a laughing track behind in everything. Just a bunch of kawaiis. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 49:22

Oh, yeah. Um, I don't know what the fuck say. Sprint. It's a lot. Sprint to the sprint to the finish line. Sean said a lot. Sean, you said a lot of good stuff. Some shit I don't disagree with, I'll talk to you about off camera.

SPEAKER_00 49:33

Um he got a lot to say off camera.

Final Thoughts And How To Support

SPEAKER_04 49:37

Most people think peace comes after confrontation is avoided. The truth is peace often comes after confrontation is embraced. Chaos grows in the dark. Order requires honesty. And sometimes the most loving, peaceful thing you can do is address what everyone else is pretending isn't there. This has been episode 245 of the Heavyweight Collective, a two-parter. Sharon talks a lot, but I sweat into. Until next time, we love y'all. Peace. Peace. This is about peace. You should do your own. See what we did?

SPEAKER_02 50:15

Like the show.

SPEAKER_05 50:18

Sweaty. That's rap, y'all. That's that's how she wrote. So make sure to click like, subscribe, tune in. We're on our room platform. So until next time, I had you.