Parents Aren't Perfect

Most kids grow up seeing their parents like superheroes—steady, strong, and always in control. But in this episode of The Heavyweight Collective, the conversation asks a deeper question: what happens when kids realize their parents are just people trying to survive life too?

What starts as a parenting debate quickly turns into a real conversation about emotional honesty, vulnerability, and the balance between protecting children and preparing them for reality. The episode breaks down what “age-appropriate honesty” actually looks like in everyday life, from crying in front of your kids to apologizing after getting something wrong.

The discussion also explores how families that avoid emotions can unintentionally create emotional distance, confusion, or unanswered questions later in life. At the same time, the conversation makes an important distinction between being emotionally open and emotionally dumping on your children.

This episode is honest, reflective, and full of the kind of parenting conversations that don’t come with easy answers—just deeper awareness and intentionality.

 Thanks for tapping in with The Heavyweight Collective!
 Make sure you follow, subscribe, and share with someone who needs this convo. Catch us on all socials for clips, updates, and more behind the mic. https://linktr.ee/TheHeavyweightPodcast

Transcript

Parents as Superheroes

SPEAKER_06 0:00

We on that unc shit.

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Why does it feel like nighttime right now?

SPEAKER_06 0:05

Cause you drinking, nigga. That's why. We on that unc shit. Oh, I feel like nighttime.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

I feel like it's about 8 30 right now. Niggas is turned up.

SPEAKER_06 0:13

Oh, I should have probably pushed the button, huh? What button? Kevin, you rested, huh? Oh, you did? Okay.

SPEAKER_03 0:19

You rested, huh?

unknown 0:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 0:20

Yeah, he didn't. No, I didn't. That's I'm delusional.

SPEAKER_08 0:23

Oh, bad thing.

SPEAKER_06 0:24

I tried to go to sleep and then I just lay in there and then some nigga called me. And what the fuck did he? I was like, why did this nigga just call? They called. Oh man. Because they needed to, they like, so my cars, the the the the light came on, like, and I was like, nigga, this ain't an auto mechanic. Like.

SPEAKER_05 0:45

Nigga, I'm not here to diagnose your problems, nigga.

SPEAKER_06 0:47

Like, so what do I do?

SPEAKER_05 0:49

I got my own fucking problem.

SPEAKER_06 0:51

They call a tow truck. Like, what the fuck? You I never called Chevron and being like, hey, my my engine light came on, so like. Are y'all ready?

SPEAKER_05 1:03

Alrighty? Oh, shit. What oh, what number is it? Damn it. 242.

SPEAKER_03 1:10

242. Oh, talk your shit. So double check.

SPEAKER_05 1:14

Kevin don't go double check.

SPEAKER_06 1:17

Do we have the talk your shit numbered though? No, they're not numbered. Okay. No, I'm done. They're just up there, nigga. Gotcha, gotcha.

SPEAKER_05 1:22

So we got one. This is coming out before I talk to you anyway, so it's just a shit. Yeah, that's right. That's right. You're right.

SPEAKER_06 1:26

242. So uh is it 242? Damn, man. You right. 242.

SPEAKER_04 1:34

All right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out to Jackie.

SPEAKER_06 1:38

It's a classic.

SPEAKER_05 1:39

Shout out to Jackie.

SPEAKER_06 1:41

Chin?

SPEAKER_05 1:42

Robinson. 42.

SPEAKER_06 1:44

Oh, okay, my bad.

SPEAKER_05 1:46

Brooklyn's finest.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

This nigga say.

SPEAKER_04 1:50

You right? You okay?

SPEAKER_05 1:59

All right. Okay, all right, y'all. All right, look here, man.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

Um I didn't know my jacket.

SPEAKER_05 2:06

Full transparency, I had about like four other topics. Okay. I was going back and forth about. And then on Thursday, my therapist said some shit that fucked me up.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

So you're gonna come fuck us up?

SPEAKER_05 2:18

So I said, I'm gonna fuck these niggas myself.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

I love it. I love that.

SPEAKER_05 2:23

She fucked me up. And so uh I don't get your opinion. I know what I told her. And I looked at her like, bitch, I'm not gonna do all this shit. But since we all got kids here, and I I would like to believe that you know we do we always act in their best interests, regardless of ourselves.

SPEAKER_06 2:49

Not always.

SPEAKER_05 2:52

Fuck them kids.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

We need that sound on the thing.

SPEAKER_05 2:56

So today it's gonna be it's gonna be kind of deep, kinda funny. I'm gonna make fun of Sharon. It's gonna happen. Why are we getting the display from the game? Every week.

SPEAKER_02 3:08

Literally.

SPEAKER_05 3:10

Literally.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

That's why I'm gonna quit. It's gonna happen. But they're auditioning next week for new women. Are we? Are we? Yeah, because I'm about to be out of it.

SPEAKER_05 3:22

Hold on. Just if you cook, just make sure you bring the food. Uh so I'ma I'ma uh start off with the same shit my therapist asked me, I'm gonna ask y'all. My little opening monologue.

SPEAKER_06 3:38

Now, yeah, sure, my week was great. We ain't got there yet.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

We ain't got there yet, nigga. You guys are we ain't got there yet, nigga.

SPEAKER_05 3:49

Oh shit. We ain't got there yet, nigga. All right. People. I don't know how I'm gonna start this yet. I don't know exactly how I'm gonna start this. I'm gonna say that here's a question for us. Do kids benefit more from seeing the real version of their parents, or should parents protect the illusion as long as possible?

SPEAKER_02 4:17

I like that.

SPEAKER_05 4:18

At what age should a child realize that mom or dad ain't shit are just people too? Oh, okay. This is episode 242 of the heavyweight podcast. People ain't shit, but this is episode 242 of the heavyweight podcast. I'm your host today.

SPEAKER_02 4:33

It works.

SPEAKER_05 4:34

Uh Mo Lethal. I'm back again with this lady who does who didn't bring the food still. And these two guys. We were supposed to get some. What was you bringing shit?

SPEAKER_01 4:44

I had no idea. I was supposed to get trip and grits.

SPEAKER_05 4:47

Trip and grits, yes, nigga. Damn. I didn't forget, nigga, but she did. Go ahead and state your names for the people.

SPEAKER_02 4:52

I'm Sharon.

SPEAKER_05 4:53

I'm angry.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

I'm the lady that didn't bring the food.

SPEAKER_05 4:59

Again.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

De la ghetto.

SPEAKER_05 5:02

How everybody doing? How's your weeks?

SPEAKER_02 5:04

Everybody good.

SPEAKER_05 5:05

What's the update? First of all, we're gonna say uh Happy Mother's Day. It was yesterday for all the mothers. Happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day, Sharon. Thank you. You are a mother. We don't know if it's a great mother.

SPEAKER_02 5:14

No, first of all.

SPEAKER_05 5:16

We need to interview your children to know if you're a great mother. You can't claim some shit without the evidence. That's the real stuff. So we're gonna have to ask your twins because I don't know how the hell you kept making the same baby three times.

SPEAKER_02 5:27

Copy and paste, baby.

SPEAKER_05 5:29

So let's we're gonna start with Sharon. How was your week?

SPEAKER_02 5:31

My week was good.

SPEAKER_05 5:32

How was your mother's day? How was Mother's Day?

SPEAKER_02 5:34

How mother we have plans for Mother's Day. Okay. It's about to happen. Um I'm actually excited about Mother's Day this year because my kids are. I have my oldest is about to be 18. My middle daughter has been selling them burritos. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:47

So it's successful.

SPEAKER_02 5:48

Long story, yeah. It is. Okay, that's what's long story shit. Niggas got money in their pocket.

SPEAKER_03 5:53

So I'm excited about how much more have they uh contributed as far as the process of making the oh my baby, she makes it.

SPEAKER_02 6:03

She makes it now. So the the chicken needs a marinade. So since I'm at home during the day, I marinate it for her. She gets home. Usually, just because of the way I cook and the way I move, like part of the cilantro goes into the marinade. So just because this is how I am, since the cilantro is out, I chop it up and I end up making the rice. Because our cilantro goes in the rice too. Um, so nine times out of ten, when she comes home, her rice is made, her chicken is marinated. Okay. Then she doing the work on she cooks the chicken, she rolls the burritos. But you know what? I'm not gonna lie to y'all, it's a whole process that warms my heart because we we be in there. It's a collective thing. Like she rolling the burritos. Like one day I was almost in tears because she's rolling the burritos. Gigi is next to her, wrapping them up the foil, putting them in the bag, and Kari was over there because she gives everybody like a little uh avocado salsa with it. So, and they have the little containers with the lids, so they had poured all the salsa in there, and Cari was over there putting the tops on the side, and I was like, look at my kids. It was it was it was special to me.

SPEAKER_08 7:10

Okay, it's nice.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

But yeah, burrito business is good. They told me that we got plans tomorrow for Mother's Day. I'm excited. They told me that when I wake up in the morning to keep my black ass in the bed because usually I'm up before then but I'm moving around the house.

SPEAKER_05 7:24

So that's what's you still gonna be up for the later.

SPEAKER_02 7:26

I know they told me they was like lay down until about 10, and I was like, oh, yeah, no, for real.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

That's late. I'm hungry, nigga. It is crazy.

Age-Appropriate Honesty

SPEAKER_02 7:36

It is crazy. I'll be up at 5 30, and I'm supposed to be laying or twiddling my thumb. So I'm excited for someone. Yeah, being a mom is the the the best hat that I wear in my life. So I'm excited to be celebrated. That's what's so but oh, other than that, my week was pretty good. Y'all, I have to say this stuff.

SPEAKER_04 7:55

Okay, nigga, I mean it's your it's it's it's your floor right now. I mean, you take a lot of time, but there's a rabbit in our neighborhood right now.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

Uh-huh. Oh, wow. Wow. And it keeps finding itself in our front yard.

SPEAKER_03 8:08

Rabbit stew every morning.

SPEAKER_02 8:10

Rabbit stew. What's every morning?

SPEAKER_03 8:13

Or is it doing something bad?

SPEAKER_02 8:15

It's being. I couldn't even leave my house yesterday.

SPEAKER_03 8:18

Because of scared of the rabbit?

SPEAKER_02 8:20

They didn't got teeth and shit like that. I really messed up. Not like that, though. She is true.

SPEAKER_05 8:27

You better make some stew.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

You are. That's how I feel about my life. Angry, how's your week? Angry.

SPEAKER_06 8:32

That is that is let's talk to nigga shit.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

Who said I better make some soup?

SPEAKER_06 8:36

That's some nigga shit. I did. It's like when niggas are scared of them little dudes, little tiny ass, like, that's a dog. You're like, look at that.

SPEAKER_02 8:42

Hey, last night my daughter was like, it's looking at me. I can't go through the card. I feel her.

SPEAKER_06 8:46

When you seen a rabbit attacking you, you remember that that book when we were kids.

SPEAKER_02 8:51

I tried throwing stuff at it, it don't move.

SPEAKER_06 8:53

Vampire one? I forgot the name of the couple.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

Cardi's the only one to be out the window, like, oh, it's the bunny. And the rest of us.

SPEAKER_05 8:58

Hold on, real rap today. Kevin, when I pulled into the neighborhood, there was a there was a rabbit by the pool. Yeah, there's a gang of rabbits around it. I said, nigga, that's lunch. That's rabbit stew. I'm gonna go to country. We didn't know it was a country ass. Hell yeah, nigga.

SPEAKER_06 9:14

I never had rabbit stew.

SPEAKER_05 9:15

Well, some potatoes and carrots, nigga. Is it good? Hell yeah. I'm gonna try it. I ain't even gonna hold you.

SPEAKER_03 9:20

You was inspired to what Elmer Foote's been trying to do for you. Rabbits. I want to try turtle soup.

SPEAKER_06 9:25

I heard turtle soup. I never had that shit. How was your week, Mr. Yeah?

SPEAKER_07 9:28

How was your week?

SPEAKER_06 9:29

Great. That's great. Happy birthday, Kendall. Way to be so good. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. All right. Um, great. That's all I got. Yeah. Fuck it. Made some chimichuri for the first time. It's kind of dope. Okay, did it came out good? It was good enough. I did it too fast, I think, because I didn't let it sit. Uh-huh. So it's fine.

SPEAKER_02 9:47

Did you blend it or did you just like what'd you do? I chopped it. I'm not blending it. But you said that shit.

SPEAKER_06 9:51

She got interested.

SPEAKER_02 9:52

Because I love chimichuri. That's so fine.

SPEAKER_06 9:54

She was trying to judge. She is.

SPEAKER_02 9:57

I low-key. Because when I be asking people how they cook something and then they say some crazy shit.

SPEAKER_05 10:02

So Mother's Day.

SPEAKER_06 10:03

What you do? The lodge. The lodge? Well, she already let the cat out the back. She was like, it's tomorrow. So fuck it. We ain't gonna let the we're gonna let the wheels be gone. We're going to the lodge. Okay. All right for the daughter.

SPEAKER_02 10:17

We don't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_06 10:18

I don't really know. We know we were quite started again. Well, I got the live.

SPEAKER_02 10:22

Oh, my Mother's Day was great.

SPEAKER_06 10:24

De La Ghetto.

SPEAKER_05 10:26

It's been niggas know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 10:28

We just be doing that.

SPEAKER_05 10:30

De La Ghetto, your week and your Mother's Day plans?

SPEAKER_03 10:33

Uh, my week was um consistent of just going to work, then I went to therapy. Where I thought I didn't have anything to talk about again, and then apparently had a whole lot to talk about. She was like, You came in here saying you didn't have anything, but hours up.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

I said, So that's good.

SPEAKER_06 10:54

My therapist told me I should my therapist said I should go to Chris Brown and Usher concert. I was like, you ain't helping me. Is she gonna pay? She's buying tickets.

SPEAKER_02 11:03

Wait, who told you to go?

SPEAKER_06 11:05

My therapist. Well, I was just like, I don't know if I should go. And then she's like, well, it ain't gonna happen again. I was like, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:11

Nigga, we not going.

SPEAKER_06 11:13

It's that I can't I can't give away my sources, but you know, you know the guy. Yeah, I'm gonna do it. You got some sources to Jay-Z tickets, too?

SPEAKER_02 11:20

You got to do a stadium. You got a source for other people?

SPEAKER_05 11:24

Do not we're gonna talk about this off air. I'll go with y'all. We'll talk about this off-air. So your therapy session, I gotta hear it working.

SPEAKER_03 11:35

That was uh enlightening.

SPEAKER_04 11:38

That's okay. Uh that's good.

SPEAKER_03 11:42

I had uh interesting, they're just uh the usual work week. Um plans for the the Mother's Day is uh already uh gifts are already been given out to all the mothers I know.

SPEAKER_04 11:55

And um oh that's funny.

SPEAKER_03 11:58

I knew she was gonna do this.

SPEAKER_04 12:00

She's gonna do that shit.

SPEAKER_03 12:01

She gets the gift of my presents. Yes. The present.

SPEAKER_08 12:05

I am the gift.

SPEAKER_03 12:08

Um, but yeah, I just uh I I already got the gifts out the kids get their uh pick out stuff for their mom. So they they got to pick out things near and dear to them. So that should be arriving shortly. Um but uh yeah, and then my mom and my sister called me excited yesterday because they got their gifts.

SPEAKER_05 12:26

So that's what's up. I love that. Then he bought gifts for them too.

SPEAKER_03 12:29

Yeah, yeah, you're done.

SPEAKER_05 12:30

You're good.

SPEAKER_02 12:34

You know what my brother is. My brother last Saturday, my brother sent me a picture of a Mother's Day balloon, a Mother's Day balloon that he saw in the store. I said, nigga, Mother's Day is next week.

Should Kids See You Cry

SPEAKER_06 12:49

Yeah, he was letting you know I'm about to thinking about it.

SPEAKER_05 12:53

I'll be pissing him up. I'm like, I'm like, uh, my wife, she ain't my mama. It's mother.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

That's what niggas love to say. You need to stop. You better celebrate your wife.

SPEAKER_05 13:02

Uh, you know what? Um, I celebrate her every day in a different way. My week was good. You know, um, you know, life is life, man. Always, you know, fuck it. I can't do shit about it, so I'm gonna just smile with smile on about the good parts. You know, my uh therapy was rough all week, you know. I said, look here, man, I'm gonna stop coming to this motherfucker. Every time I leave, I leave sad. Shit. Fuck. I said, but we're working through it. I said, no, you working. I'm I'm just in it.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

And I'm just going through it.

SPEAKER_05 13:30

We got this shit wrong. Uh uh, my wife does, she had her uh her Mother's Day gift already. We put her together a little love basket of all her favorite things. We got her some books and uh a label maker. Um we got her uh uh annotation book for her book so she can write down her titles and her page number and shit. So we loved into her. You know, we we poor love them. Uh Phoenix found the little uh annotation book. I said, it's a good job. So you know uh if she don't use that label maker by uh the end of the week, I'm taking that shit back because that shit was uh that shit did cost money.

SPEAKER_06 13:59

It was my anniversary, too.

SPEAKER_05 14:00

Oh, yeah, happy anniversary, nigga.

SPEAKER_02 14:02

Oh yes. And it was Mo's birthday.

SPEAKER_05 14:05

Oh, they think it's about that.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

Mo didn't hit the phone club.

SPEAKER_05 14:09

We talked about that last week.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Uh no, we didn't.

SPEAKER_05 14:12

We did a little bit. He's probably late.

SPEAKER_03 14:15

He was just late. Did you finish that book?

SPEAKER_05 14:16

I was what book?

SPEAKER_03 14:18

The number seven before eight.

SPEAKER_05 14:19

No, uh, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 14:21

I finished book five.

SPEAKER_05 14:23

Yes, I'm on book six. And book six is pissing me off. But I'm about 30% through book six. I I I didn't read a lot this week because therapy had me fucked up. Oh no, you know, into it. I had to, you know, I was uh doing a lot of unpacking, a lot of a lot of mental thoughts and uh uh sitting to myself with just music in my ears, trying not to cry and shit. So I still let it out. Just cry.

SPEAKER_06 14:44

Yeah, please cry.

SPEAKER_05 14:45

Oh yeah, I cried in the shower.

SPEAKER_06 14:47

You got a good cry the other day.

SPEAKER_03 14:48

Like on the point of work, or like standing, standing, standing, listening arguing.

SPEAKER_05 14:53

Yeah, and then I I I was in there for about a good eight, nine minutes, and then you gotta be that shot. I was I was in there crying for about a good eight, nine minutes, then I realized my water bill was 130 last month. I said, let me cut this shit off.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

You like let me cut this motherfucker off.

SPEAKER_05 15:14

I said, I think I think I'm gonna just keep the grass on the front, let that shit in the back die.

SPEAKER_03 15:17

Fuck this. Or you can come over here and pull some of that water that's up the street.

unknown 15:24

Right.

SPEAKER_06 15:24

That's uh shit. That's a flex. Yeah. So I'm gonna flex. I'll watch this flex.

SPEAKER_05 15:30

Uh every year from Moses, I always cook my wife a meal. So this year I'm making her short ribs and with some cabbage. She wanted cabbage yams and uh cornbread. So I'm making all that for it.

SPEAKER_06 15:43

Cabbage, is it like southern shit?

SPEAKER_05 15:44

Yeah, oh yeah, do southern capper, nigga. We know this, nigga.

SPEAKER_06 15:47

Nigga, you do nigga shit.

SPEAKER_05 15:48

You know, nigga, I'm gonna have a shit. I'm nigga, I'm going to get turkey necks when I leave this motherfucker today.

SPEAKER_02 15:55

That sounds so fire.

SPEAKER_05 15:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:57

I want to meal like that. My kids don't be cooking like that.

SPEAKER_05 16:00

I would bring you a plate, nigga, but you know.

SPEAKER_02 16:02

No, just tell her you are. Yeah, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:04

Yeah, I'll be there with a plate.

SPEAKER_01 16:07

I'll be there with a plate. Play apart, right?

SPEAKER_05 16:11

And then I'm gonna take a picture of the shit and post it up. Like, Sean, this was your plate. But you never I ate it because you didn't go, you know, shut up.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

More than likely, I'm gonna be cooking tomorrow, but that's fucked up on Wednesday. I mean, you know.

SPEAKER_05 16:23

I'm gonna take her to breakfast, though. I don't know where I'm gonna take her. Because everywhere gonna be fucking packed.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

It is. But we go to this place in your Belinda with oysters that we love.

SPEAKER_06 16:32

Oh no, nigga. I'm a tool. No, that's just we go to tequila in Palm Springs. That's where we went for uh our anniversary.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

Oh, wait, it was in Palm Springs? You know what? I love Palm Springs so much that when I seen the pictures, I knew that was Palm Springs. That's actually funny. Um, but no.

SPEAKER_06 16:48

It's gay San Diego.

SPEAKER_02 16:49

Yeah. Palm Springs is dope, though. I love it. Um but no, this place is a happy hour, and they do for their happy hour, all the oysters are$1.50 apiece. So we usually go in there and we order like three dozen, two, three dozen.

SPEAKER_05 17:05

A dollar fifty a piece, nigga. Give me seven dozen.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

No, for real.

Apologizing to Your Children

SPEAKER_05 17:09

I'm gonna go flip these bitches on the and sell oyster plates for$35 apiece. They're raw oysters. I'm gonna cook them and sell them on us for$35 a plate. Yeah. But they're really, really good. All right. So, like I said at the top, where do we move the veil? Right? So I used in in in therapy, uh, you know, I thought I was being slick, I used the uh the analogy of it's like Wizard of Oz. She I'm the wizard. She just ain't seen behind the veil.

SPEAKER_02 17:47

But the wizard ended up not being shit.

SPEAKER_05 17:48

Hey, well, some I sometimes her daddy ain't shit. I'm petty. But he was you know, but I mean that you know, oftentimes things appear one way to her, but I know the reality of it. Right? So kids often see parents like the Wizard of Oz, powerful, all-knowing, emotionally stable, and always in control. But as parents, as people, we cry, we struggle, we get anxious, um, and we don't always we always we don't always know what we're doing or what to do, and we fail. And I know a lot of times, me personally, I try to hide those and remain a solid front, a symbol of strength. But I'm gonna ask you guys, is it healthier for the kids to learn that from us early on? Or is it uh I'm sorry, is it is it healthier for them to learn that gradually from us, or is it or is it better for them to learn it later in life? So like do we uh do we unveil ourselves a little more to them every day as they get older, or do we just allow them to stumble across these revelations later in life? Say gradually.

SPEAKER_02 18:57

I think I think that um I think that your kids should know you at an age appropriate level for them.

SPEAKER_07 19:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:11

So I guess Okay, okay, okay, okay, I hear so I guess that kind of equates to like gradually, but it's not gradually that you're slowly unveiling yourself. You're unveiling yourself for what they can receive at their level of understanding.

SPEAKER_04 19:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:29

But I do think that every level of that, it should be a hundred percent you. I don't think that there should ever be um any type of lack of transparency with your children. I don't think that there should ever be any type of lack of vulnerability with your children because I think I've said before, I think that when you present yourself in a way to your child that is not authentic, you allow the space for them to make it up. Okay, and when you their childhood is their childhood, right? So if they can become adults and have a whole makeup in their mind of what was actually happening, that's not true, and I think that overall it helps you and the child to just give that vulnerability and and to be you know to be honest and what what's really happening. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 20:25

I agree. I've had instances uh especially in the last few years where um I've had things I was dealing with that I felt like at the time I was trying to be the strong dad or front, but at some point she had I had to show some sort of vulnerability because I was going through a lot. Um so when but when I ended up crying in front of them, uh they didn't get scared. They just kind of understood dad's going through a lot. So I do think it is, I I agree with Sharon that it is a process to where you have to allow the men to a certain degree to understand that uh little by little that it's not always black and white. It's just gonna be as shades of gray, and that there's things in life that are gonna be somewhat harder, and that your parents aren't um perfect or and they're not super human, even though at times you might appear that to them. Because I've s I grew up seeing my dad thinking he was a superhero, and then when I saw him vulnerable, it fucked me up because it was so many years of this to when he cried the one time. I was like, what the fuck is going on?

SPEAKER_08 21:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:40

So I yeah, it is gradual. I think gradual's good.

SPEAKER_06 21:43

Okay. Um I think it depends on what it is.

SPEAKER_05 21:47

You think it depends on what it is? Well, I'm gonna ask you, Kevin. I'm gonna ask you a question personally, Kevin. Personally, this this is a two part question. Okay. Nigga, because I do Shit differently around here, cuz he really does.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

He always does that.

SPEAKER_05 22:03

War emotions. Answer these questions, Kevin. Were emotions hidden in your house? And brother that's a good idea.

SPEAKER_00 22:10

I wish they were shit.

SPEAKER_05 22:12

So now so now we know it wasn't. Okay. So then the second part of the question is do you feel that made you stronger or emotionally disconnected? I was all kinds of fucked up.

SPEAKER_06 22:24

So just even before the animals? It took me, it took me getting older to deal with a lot of that shit. So I still feel like some things gotta be. You needed a hug. Why did you need a hug? Because I was like, I could use that. And she's like, and I just, you know, let her know what was going on. But not everything. Because sometimes, you know, let's take it off of sadness and stuff. Say like petty shit. Like, I ain't gonna I ain't gonna teach them the petty shit. I am. I do, yeah. I I but you also But you gotta think about when they go to school and stuff, they ain't gonna necessarily understand. But you go to the golf school school and be like shit.

SPEAKER_03 23:31

But like not necessarily showing them to be petty, but to show them that don't go down the path that dad's acting like right now.

SPEAKER_06 23:38

Like Well, I mean, sometimes even like with the video games, like say you play something and you're like, man, fuck me!

SPEAKER_03 23:45

Don't do what I do. That that's uh because I've been there.

SPEAKER_05 23:49

Okay. Wait, I go ahead. I want you to answer that one. I think it mold You gotta ask answer the first question first.

SPEAKER_02 23:58

Say it.

SPEAKER_05 23:58

Were emotions hidden in your household?

SPEAKER_01 24:01

Um yes.

SPEAKER_05 24:06

Okay, and now did that make you stronger emotionally disconnected?

SPEAKER_02 24:10

That created a wedge.

SPEAKER_05 24:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 24:13

So and and and I hesitated with my answer because there was a lot of things that were there, I won't say a lot, there were things where transparency was there, right? Um, so in that instance, where the transparency was there, emotions were not hidden. And the things where transparency was hidden, obviously, emotion was as well, it created a wedge. Um in my adulthood. I love my mom to death, but we do not have a good relationship. And it played a significant part in it because so many things were happening, and that's why I said my answer the way that I did. So many things were happening um that she intentionally masked from me that I couldn't comprehend outside of what like my comprehension was the the fake shit. Like, you know what I'm saying? For for lack of better words.

SPEAKER_05 25:17

Like was it fake or was her was it her was it her attempt to protect it?

SPEAKER_02 25:21

No, it wasn't necessarily an attempt. I it was in an attempt to protect, but it wasn't like just hiding, it was hiding in addition to a fake persona. Okay, does that make sense?

SPEAKER_05 25:32

Because we're not gonna just shit on mama.

SPEAKER_02 25:33

No, I know, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_05 25:34

That's why I put that in there.

SPEAKER_02 25:35

Yeah, I know, I know. She's crazy, but we ain't gonna do that. I said we're not gonna shit on I love my mom. But um it was.

SPEAKER_05 25:43

Okay, so given what you just said, how does that how does how does that affect your your parenting?

Emotional Distance Explained

SPEAKER_02 25:50

Um, it makes me want to be transparent. It does, it does make me be transparent. Um, but it also makes me just kind of I want my kids to know me. I don't want my kids to, and this is a real scenario, I don't want my kids to be in their 20s and there be like a conversation to where X, Y, and Z was happening, and it's my fault that I didn't know that. Because you didn't want me to know that at the time. So now what my reality was, now the fact that you don't like what I gathered my reality to be from it, now it's you didn't know this was happening. Okay, that's fair now. But you told me a whole nother thing was happening. So that's where I gathered my reality from. Um, so with that being said, I think that that there's a lot of layers to me being a mom, but when you think about that aspect, it 100% led me to how I am with my kids in terms of vulnerability and transparency. Because, and the most thing that the thing that pops out the most is like me being in a really bad relationship. I didn't want my kids to think, oh, this person is being like I didn't, and that's why I go back to age appropriate, right? I'm not gonna tell him or tell my kids this man is treating me bad. Because age appropriate, that wasn't correct. You know what I'm saying? This is the man that's in the house, that's the the dad of your little sister and of your stepsisters. So I'm not gonna do that. But I am not going to act like I'm happy. Okay. You know? Okay. So that's where that played a part in how I mother. Now, on the flip side, I will say, and this is a recent thing for me, so that's why it's fresh on my mind. I do have moments where I felt like I I didn't have to go so hard in vulnerability and transparency. And the the the the um evidence of that was the other day my daughter told me about something that she needed help paying for something, and she asked my mom. And I was like, Why you didn't ask me? And she's like, Well, you always talking about shit costs so much, and you know, blah, blah, blah. Because it does. I mean, you know, that's me being honest. But I told her, I was like, don't I like you guys get everything, like you know what I'm saying? You get everything you need. No, nobody's lacking anything. She's like, Yeah. She's like, but honestly, like, we just don't want to hear that everything costs so much.

SPEAKER_05 28:16

Basically, a mouth.

SPEAKER_02 28:18

Basically, and I took that. I a hundred percent I took that because I'm like, fuck, here I am. Vulnerability, transparency. I don't want my kids, I don't want to fake like I got it, and my kids just, you know, think that. So I'm being honest and like, look, I struggle, you know. But it can have a negative talk to it because that made my daughter do something that I didn't particularly like her doing. And I respect it because, but that made me think, okay, now that's why we're always evolving as parents, though.

SPEAKER_05 28:47

I love you said that. McFly. Did your parents make you did your parents feel human or mythical to you? My dad, mythical at times, my mom, super human because it uh and then she also wants you to talk about how the contrast affected you.

SPEAKER_03 29:05

I'll say with my dad, it was like living up to uh a mythical thing that I it was probably unrealistic uh expectations uh as a dad or as a as a as a man because of how he presented himself to me growing up, like it was all my dad got everything figured out or handled. Uh the my mom, her vices and and and being uh on on drugs, it was like the extreme opposite. So like it was watching something where you're like, I don't want to ever end up like this, and you would feel bad for her because you realize that she was stuck in these uh cycles of uh being on drugs, being in jail, getting out, uh constantly stealing, stuff like that. And then like you see like the like the the bipolar uh mood swings where she would be up one moment in a good moment, and you realize you don't know if that's her personality or if she's riding high. Um so it would be like two extreme differences. So it was like I was trying to live up to my dad, and I was trying to stay as far away as whatever the thought is of my mom because I didn't want to end up that going down that path.

SPEAKER_05 30:15

Okay, Mr. Wendell. Uh do emotionally unavailable parents accidentally raise emotional confused adults?

SPEAKER_06 30:28

I don't know, that's hard to say because from meeting a lot of people with multiple siblings, they're gonna grow up to be hold on, hold on one second. Nigga, I can hear it. Just eat it. Just eat it. Yeah, because I can we can hear a rapper.

SPEAKER_03 30:46

The look on her face. Go ahead, go ahead. The look on her face.

SPEAKER_05 30:52

I'm like, she's trying to be sneaky, but we can all hear the goddamn rapper.

SPEAKER_03 30:55

Let me get this off real quick. Nobody's gonna notice. Oh trying to sneak a chip.

SPEAKER_06 31:03

Trying to eat a chip in the corner room.

SPEAKER_01 31:05

Like, I'm related, Kevin.

Openness vs Emotional Dumping

SPEAKER_05 31:11

You can remind me, you should remind me. So my sister-in-law, we all went to see Michael. I did that on the weekend too. But my sister was like, I'm gonna buy some chips. I said, No, the fuck you not. I said, Look here, I've I went to the movie with my wife and she snuck chips in there. I said, You can hear every fucking crap of a chip. I said, if you buy if you buy chips, I guarantee you I'm going out and reporting your ass and giving my money back. And going in the bag too. Like you're not sneaking, get chips in the movie theater. That shit is loud as fuck. My bad, but go ahead, finish your answer before, you know.

SPEAKER_06 31:46

I don't know. I mean, I just feel like it's so all this shit is so hard because it's like you could do everything you think you're doing right. And they're gonna just grow up in. I'll say I know examples of where you have parents try to do whatever, like say they try to mask things and they have multiple kids. All three of them kids gonna have a different experience. Definitely. So it's like it's almost damned if you do, damned if you don't. Like I don't know what you get out of. I think emotionally unavailable parents ain't gonna be great, but you never know because it could flip up because the way I was raised, from what I've heard, is a lot of people follow that path. But like for me, I went absolutely opposite. So you know what I mean? So it's like it depends on how they receive what they take in and how they receive if they want to live grow up to be that way, you know what I mean? So So what I'm hearing is that you're saying it's tough situation. Because you got some kids that got those parents that are like doctors and shit, you know what I mean? And maybe let's say they're emotionally unavailable. But then you see some of them where they come out to be doctors as well. And then you see some of them coked out, like I don't know. It's just I don't know. That's a tough one. Okay. I feel like you're damned if you do. Damn if you don't.

SPEAKER_05 33:10

Just do your best. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

I thought we could.

SPEAKER_05 33:12

Sharon, is there a difference between exposing kids to emotion and emotionally dumping on kids?

SPEAKER_02 33:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:17

Dumping. Oof.

SPEAKER_02 33:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:18

Go ahead. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 33:19

It's like you know how you see, um, and I'm not speaking from experience because I don't have a son, but how they you see like I thought all these niggas is your son. I'm not Nicki Minaj.

SPEAKER_05 33:32

Thank God.

Parenting While Healing

SPEAKER_02 33:35

Um, you see how there's those parent, I mean, uh mother-son relationships where that's their man has made that her man. And that is evident through childhood as him, him as an adult. A lot, a lot of times those men have difficulties being a husband because their mama is a woman, like you know, and because she has done that. And I think that that's where you kind of start to see that emotionally dumping because and uh well, because they they give the children things that are not, going back to what I said to begin with, age appropriate, or they're giving the things that are just not appropriate in the time frame, right? Um, but then there's obviously I think that being transparent in your emotions is necessary. And that's what I was gonna say earlier. I've said before that if you are mad as a parent in a household, and I'll speak to my household because I'm the only adult, the only parent in the house. If I'm mad, if I'm sad, if I'm upset, that can easily translate into them thinking I'm mad or sad at or upset at them. So not being transparent in that emotion can be detrimental because now they're thinking, well, damn, what do I do? What did I do? You know, and then you know how it is with anybody. Our human act is to like, if somebody, if we're in conversation and you seem angry, I'm gonna play back what I said. What did I say? Damn, when I saw him, what did I do? Like, you're gonna automatically receive that as I did something. And I don't want to do that to my kids. But so in an effort to not do that, I'm I try age appropriate and you know, whatever. I try to always let them know what the mad or sad looks like. Um in any whatever I had a bad day at work, I'm fighting with a a friend, a cousin, like you know what I'm saying, a family member. This happened, this bill is due. I don't, you know, whatever it is, I try to convey that because I don't want them to ever come home. Cause they have, I will say. Um, and this is all my evolution as a parent. Um, I used to have horrible days. Like, even just being at work all day, we're at work for eight, for nine hours, eight hours, whatever. Then I was driving, I would be fucking through with the day. And but then I get in my pick my kids up from school and I'm sitting there pissed from the day. They just get in the car and I they already feel it because I'm their mom. They're gonna feel that energy. If I don't communicate that, then fuck, here she go. You know what I'm saying? Or even when I do communicate, it could still be like, fuck, here she go. So I think it's necessary to be transparent with your emotions. However, I think there's a fine line, and when you transfer into emotional dumping, emotional dumping is requiring the child to take action for your emotion. I think that's where the line gets drawn.

SPEAKER_05 36:40

So you already answered one of my questions. So I'm gonna ask McFly and I'm gonna ask Kevin to answer this. Can parents accidentally make children emotional caretakers?

SPEAKER_07 36:52

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:53

Yes. Because in in Sharon's example of the the single mother turning her son into her man, that's essentially essentially what she's doing. What she's doing, okay?

SPEAKER_06 37:03

Yeah, I mean, nigga, that's a yes. Nigga, that's a nigga, that's a nigga. That's a yes. Yeah, parents can do that, but I don't know, man. It's just so hard. Cause it's like we started with that. Like, kids is gonna interpret shit sometimes where you're like, that's not even what I said. Like, yeah, what the fuck? How'd you get there? Kids is dumb.

SPEAKER_02 37:31

I mean that all the time. I talk about kids, they just know kids. Probably 10 times a week. Kids is kids. I'm saying kids are dumb.

SPEAKER_05 37:40

Okay, so should kids know that the parents are struggling mentally sometimes?

SPEAKER_02 37:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:44

Yeah. I think that's important to I I I think I do think it's circumstantially based. You don't want them knowing.

SPEAKER_06 37:51

Yeah, I was like, how far?

SPEAKER_03 37:53

But if you're kind of going through some shit, and I think there it at times you want out, it depends on how you divulge it, but yeah, you might want to let them in on the some of it, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 38:04

Yeah, sometimes some niggas do. You just be like, hey, look, go play.

unknown 38:09

Don't get ass.

SPEAKER_05 38:10

Get your ass. Let me get five minutes, please.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

I just get five minutes.

SPEAKER_02 38:16

And that's funny that you said that because I have a five-year-old. So for her, it doesn't look the same as my 16 or 17 year old. For my five-year-old, give mommy a minute. Like, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 38:28

And then to her, a minute is exactly 60 seconds. I'm back in 50 seconds.

SPEAKER_02 38:34

Whenever she gets to her teens, all the numbers start to get messed up. So it's gonna get to 60. Give mommy a minute, or it's I'm I'm cards. Like, I'm literally my five-year-old, I am her person. So sometimes because of her regulation that's happening, no, you can't have no damn minute.

SPEAKER_05 38:54

Oh, like I need you.

SPEAKER_02 38:55

Yeah, I need you. So that's a thing. Now, for my 16 and 17-year-old, that may look a little different. That may look like, hey, literally, I've done this. A text message on their way home. Hey, I had a really bad day. When y'all get here, do what I ask you to do. Don't ask me no questions. Simple as that.

SPEAKER_04 39:16

Goddamn tired.

SPEAKER_03 39:20

I wouldn't come home. Yeah, but I I'll just stay out for a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 39:23

Maybe I'm right. We're gonna stay in my head and me's house. Um, yeah, no, for real. That and sometimes it does look like that, but it's just like you have to do that. But we also have to, as parents, and it's part of good parenting, you gotta understand your child.

SPEAKER_07 39:40

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 39:41

You have to, you have to understand your child. You have to know that this child is gonna react this way. And and I'm talking about from our emotions, right? So I could be having a bad day. My oldest daughter might be that kid that's gonna sit on the bed and talk to me about what my bad day looks like. My middle kid might be like, girl, I'm just gonna leave you alone because I'm I don't give a fuck about your bad day, but I ain't trying to feel your bad day. And the baby may be like, I don't care. I want some juice. Like, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_05 40:09

Nigga, she definitely don't care.

SPEAKER_02 40:10

So, and you know what it's actually funny. I I remember one day I was really upset about something. This was just a couple months ago. I texted my kids, they were at school. I said, Hey, when one of you guys go to lunch, because they always FaceTime me at lunch, I was like, um, when you guys get to lunch, somebody FaceTime me. So they both FaceTime me. So I was on the phone and I was just kind of sitting there. We was like small talking. They was like, Why do you have a face time? FaceTime me. And I was like, I'm just really having a bad day. Like, I'm sad. And my oldest daughter was like, Oh, Maya, that middle nigga?

SPEAKER_01 40:45

That middle nigga said, Why would you call us?

SPEAKER_04 40:49

Damn. You ain't got nobody else, nigga.

SPEAKER_06 40:52

Damn. I mean, you ain't got nobody else. Everybody's different.

SPEAKER_02 40:57

And honestly, she did what I needed because that shit had me so weak. Like that, that got me in a little moment. That had that gave me the moment that I needed, right? Yeah, yeah. We all cracked up. I drove the food niggas. I strapped my fucking boots over. I did what I had to do. But your kids are different, like you know.

SPEAKER_06 41:14

Yeah, I be trying to tell my youngest sometimes, like, don't be acting like this. I'm not in a good mood, but they don't care. Sometimes that's just like, man, I'm gonna throw this fit. Yeah.

What Strength Really Means

SPEAKER_01 41:27

Just to see how bad your mood really is. Now, what are you gonna do?

SPEAKER_05 41:31

I do also believe that. I don't know, I do think that sometimes like they just pick up pick up on it and they do little silly shit just to get you to laugh or snoff. Oh, yeah. Because that little that little subtle shit will like kind of snap you out your mood and kind of like you better the story I shared where uh uh Andreas got smart with me, and then they was like, You gonna possess that?

SPEAKER_03 41:50

I didn't expect her to say that.

SPEAKER_05 41:57

Wait, what you say?

SPEAKER_01 41:59

Who's assuming?

SPEAKER_05 42:02

But I really do believe that kids, kids don't we don't we don't necessarily need to be perfect parents to our kids. We just need to be uh a safe place for them. Yeah, right. And I do believe that part of that is us showing, I did believe, now I do believe, after going through therapy. I now I do believe that as part of that is showing them that as parents, we are human, we do go through emotions, we do process sadness, we do get mad, and to let them know that when they're in those states, they can come to us and we can still be a safe place for them. Yeah, and we can kind of help them because eventually you you want to. I think we would, as parents, we all want our kids to get to a point to where they can self-regulate, where they don't have to wondering or uh wondering what they're feeling or why they're feeling that they'll be able to uh you know identify, okay. No, I'm mad. This is making me mad. Why am I mad? Oh, okay, because of this, okay. Now I need to set a boundary here because they crossed this boundary and now I'm mad. And I do believe now that by me being a little more transparent in my own emotional state, in my own mental state, it it will give my child the insight to say, okay, well, you know what? Mommy and daddy go through this. So I'm not I'm not different. And I think that's that I think that's the part that kind of got at me. It's like, yeah, I can we gotta let her know that she's not different. Everybody, everybody gets mad, everybody gets sad, everybody uh uh uh gets hit with uh you know different levels of of uh of um anxiety and things of in that nature. So I think I came to realization that I felt like I was doing my my child a disservice and not letting her see that hey, you know, I'm human too. Yeah, you know, that yeah, daddy's strong. Daddy always, but you know, daddy gets scared too. Yeah, I don't you know I'm I'm I'm scared, but I still gotta fight. You know what I'm saying? I I can't back down, I still gotta show up and and push through whatever whatever's blocking me, whatever's holding me back. So I think I do think that's important. And I think the the main thing about that is just trying to remain. uh a safe uh place for them so that they can feel comfortable enough that when they when they want to talk about things like this that they can come to you and have that because I feel like that's where that's where that relationship that parent sibling relationship uh I'm sorry that that parent child relationship is going to exceed once they're out of the house you know what I'm saying because I thought about that like I heard like I I think it was Kev on stage I heard him say like he said his greater reward in life is that in 20 30 years his kids want to come home for Christmas. You know what I'm saying and when he said that I said yo like that low key that is the goal that's the goal because what if I'm doing all this shit for you now only for you to hate me later then I'm fucking up yeah I'm not doing it right so I think that's really something I had to really think about man maybe I've been playing this shit all wrong like maybe maybe being strong all the time ain't what she maybe she needs to see me be weak. But I will say and I congratulate you for even thinking that way because I think that it's more difficult for a man to feel that way because not only you're gonna stop stepping on my talking points nigga I'm gonna say I I think 2030 when you don't let people into the I want them niggas to know okay hold on hold on wait we said in 2030 I want them niggas to know mommy and daddy ain't gonna be home on Christmas that too no 20 30 years I want to pull up to y'all niggas right yeah no we're gonna be in the Bahamas that's the or that or whatever buy your own tickets I can imagine that they get home where you at yeah the sunshine right um because here's the thing and you guys just tell me if you agree or not sometimes when you know kids never see emotion you know they can be they can think things such as you know you know men are not taught or that are dirty they can think such things as men are taught to suppress emotion right you know daughters start to think that moms do it all because you know they they see mom taking on because I I mean to be honest nine times out of ten the woman is gonna take on the most of the emotional uh need to the house right acquired that way right you know what I'm saying and then you know they they may start to believe that part of being an adult is just suffering in silence well my dad never said nothing he just got up with the work that's how I thought you know what I'm saying so you just suffer yeah you know what I'm saying you just suffer in silence you get up it doesn't matter doesn't matter what your pain level is things still gotta be done right yeah and also it's like sometimes you gotta think about it that they may be once they reach adulthood they may be shocked by the stress of real life because right now they're worried about when the next when the next play date when this homework is due you know what I'm saying what if am I am I gonna get what I want yeah you know what I'm saying because I don't think any of our children here has ever thought about am I gonna be have am I ever am I am I gonna be in a situation to get what I need you know what I'm saying so that's that's one thing I told her as Stephanie you always get everything you need.

SPEAKER_02 46:59

Now I don't give you everything you want but you are I said there was a point in my life where I had the question am I gonna have what I need you know like there was a point when I was when uh stint where I was over my mom nigga were if the food food stamps came late we're gonna have to figure this out we're gonna walk down to the food bank get that bag that bag with them can't then walk back home you know so strong what's something you wish your parents had been emotionally honest about you know I'll win you with that shit huh nigga that ain't that deep it is it is it really is I don't even want to answer it you don't want to answer it I mean yes and no okay I I have I have to when I think about my parents and my childhood I had two different eras because my dad died at such a weird age to me I was 16 so I was still very much a child but I had already gone to a childhood does that make sense okay so I have two levels of thinking when it comes to my childhood because I had 16 and below where my dad was where I had parents literally both parents um and then I have 16 to adulthood where I only had my mom and it was already like a bad relationship so to answer questions like that it's hard for me to which one am I gonna pick. You know what I'm saying? So if I take the the the the the era of prior to my dad passing away when I had parents um I think just about the difficulties of of how hard things were I guess you can say because like I remember growing up and knowing that I didn't really like have what other people had but it didn't make sense because my parents didn't look like the people that didn't have does that make sense like I have friends where it was like a struggling single mom or you know and the dad is the dad don't have a job and all of this type of stuff and they when they went without it made sense because they looked like that my home didn't feel or look like that so when I didn't have I'm like well fuck why why you know what I'm saying what y'all niggas doing yeah like what's going on like um so I think that that was a thing for me growing up and even like now like it it was such a facade to be honest with you that through therapy and through you know trying to regulate the time I've tried to come to conclusion of it but I really don't have real answers of it. Like you know what I'm saying but but yeah I think that it just made me kind of feel like well what's going on it left a lot of questions and me being the type of person that I am that a question needs an answer I came up with those answers for myself. Okay and they may not have been correct they're probably not that would not that was suck to they're probably not no most of the time they're probably as kids like it makes sense and but like Nick I was you get grown and you be like and then I have another like not to add but another layer to but I will go ahead I have another layer not to add but I'm gonna tell y'all my brother is six years older than me. Uh-huh okay different child my brother's experience with my parents was way different yeah of course so when him and I talk and then my brother's crazy as fuck he just be saying shit let's add that layer too okay we're not gonna shit on him either that's my nigga I'm not but he do just he know he just be saying shit um so it'd be like fuck what what was going on he'd be like why don't I go like you know what I'm saying my brother will be like yeah because what do and my brother be kind of sounding like them stories like you know like um when that that that viral shit of Soldier boy tells a story and then I had the nigga in the full nails it and I was just like my brother tell stories like that to where it'd be like okay that was true that was true that was not that was true that was true like that's how my brother tells stories so that's me at the age that I am trying to gather what things looked like okay and he dramatizes shit and then my mom is is is doing what she's doing and then I don't even have who my favorite person was in the house my dad because that's who was more like minded with me. Like if my dad was here I genuinely feel that my dad would paint the full picture. My dad would be the one like yeah your mama didn't because my dad that wasn't my my dad's lean of of doing my mom is the personality types what likewise my mom was the one that was like we can't tell the kids like my dad was more of like the way ain't got it this is what's going on you know what I'm saying so in knowing that I just be thinking to myself like damn that's who wouldn't make the whole shit come full circle for me okay so yeah all right mr uh mr angry uh what emotional habits did you inherit from your parents and what do you hope to pass down to your own children oh I would have loved to have emotional habits yes good or bad nigga you good no i'm i'm thinking uh i dropped a bunch of that shit okay so i mean you inherit it nigga you you can say nothing i was just like i ain't doing none of this to nuclear like but i think part of it too was a lot of it was me waiting to have kids so long i waited till i was what 30 damn intentionally get to know me too get to know myself more so it's like i got to know more of it was all the things that i looked at i had to get to a point of forgiveness with my parents first and then all that stuff i didn't have to but uh that's just how it went you know what i mean so by the time i was having kids all of that shit was like that wasn't even a part of my thinking yeah that's good so i don't know the things i want them to pick up it's almost like this whole thing we're we're talking about which is being uh I don't want to say emotionally available but like uh what's the word like emotionally you have emotion shit like you're you're you're aware of it but you're like you're not you know what I mean like it's not I'm not stoic all the time sometimes I'm like I'm not always super vulnerable but you know they know like I told you when they came in and oh dad you seem down so I don't know I just want them to pick a nigga like me you do pick a nigga do you really I mean who don't you mean I don't know I think that there's men out there that will yeah I'm like there's men that genuinely will say they don't want their daughters to be that's a whole other episode nigga that's a whole nother episode mentally that's mentally I mean personally I would love for my daughter to pick a man like me to have someone if if she could find someone to love her the way I love my wife I'd I I could be I I can accept that it'd be a lot easier for me to accept him personally I mean I'm still not like a nigga yeah I know I mean that's fair but that's interesting a lot of men would not a lot of well not would not but I've heard a lot of men I mean or she could just be single stay home until she's 65 you know what whatever as long as she's happy I just yeah because I feel like I'm always working on myself so it's like ain't nobody perfect so if that's the somebody's trying to find is uh is apologize is is apologizing to your child a powerful or a weak thing powerful oh yeah can you uh elaborate sir I just think it's powerful in the in the fact that if you are able to show that you're able to make mistakes is the person that's that they're looking up to if you can show that you can make mistakes it allows them to be able to be uh sound enough to know when they get older that it you're gonna make mistakes shit if the person that's raising me is making the mistakes that I look up to like this can tell me oh I fucked up like I think it's important to them to know and understand that you you can you can have you can be that okay my dad didn't do that shit.

SPEAKER_06 55:51

So do your kids let you know when you was wrong because shit absolutely right and uh I I told the story of Alark he uh he's gotten so used because our dog is named Dean so Dean loves the bark Nean is all bark so he said he hears shut the fuck up Dean a lot right so yesterday I was talking and he goes shut the fuck up dad I said excuse me who the fuck so I when I caught myself I was like I want the kid you need you need to take him and see Michael yeah no no nigga and then Joe Joe or do you want dad?

SPEAKER_05 56:46

Then later on in the day he says it to his mom and I said yo you can't be saying that he was like but I was talking to mom I said it don't met what you're talking to okay so that transparency you were talking about when does that become when does that stop being parenting and start becoming emotional pressure I think it's the degree of what you expect from the kid.

SPEAKER_03 57:09

Like if it's something like being able to admit wrong is I think it's powerful for them to see but like if you're over here like yo I I need you to understand it it's like hey what the fuck are you exactly putting on their their shoulders to to comprehend like it there's levels to this shit.

SPEAKER_00 57:26

You can't just that's a good point.

SPEAKER_05 57:28

Okay so this will be this will be the the last main question. I got some rapid fire shit but it's the last main anybody can answer this is good parenting protecting your child from reality or is it teaching them how to emotionally survive reality we gotta teach them how to emotionally survive because this world and this life is what crazy you want to read it to you again? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:50

All right is good parenting protecting your child from reality or is teaching them how to emotionally survive reality both both yeah 100% because my dad wasn't the most emotionally available person and I don't shy from saying that shit right but like when I got into it with him I now as a parent understand where he was coming from but in certain aspects like finding out how verbally abusive he was with my mom and why she ended up going down the path she did I found out through my sister and I hit a certain age. So like my sister's telling me you know mom kept certain things from you because she didn't want you to see your dad in a certain light and then like seeing that older in life I get the purpose of keeping it from me but at the same time some of that shit might have been important to know to know. So like I think go Saron I'm sorry go no I was just I'm just saying it's balance is important.

SPEAKER_02 58:55

Don't look at me like that nigga like drugs barely head or eyes though variables the way I look at it there's so many different variables there are very many variables you're right and we don't really have the correct answers to these types of things. No but you do I can see you go we got two Kevin I just want to say this to the camera Kevin is my favorite nigga here. I'm sorry no say it to that camera right there to that one Kevin is my favorite because again you're thinking that that was that was funny I think it said no but you do I can tell how you was about to start your answer are you gonna answer nigga okay good no I'm sorry no I do I do I do I do I don't ever want my kids to be smacked over the head with some shit a reality that I protected them from okay that's what I never ever ever ever ever want to happen so again yes it's it's a lot to this shit you can't do it right all the time but I would never want because that has happened to me in my life and I would never want my kids to be in their 20s 30s however long it takes right them to have not for it to be it because it may every scenario may not come up in my household every scenario may not come up in my parenting because that's just not my life right but I would never want my child to experience something that was hard as fuck for me that I kept from them and now they're experiencing it in a very difficult way because I did not give them tools that I could have given them. Okay. That would be the hardest shit for me.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:49

The hardest part is you could do all that shit and it still happened.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:52

Yeah 100% you still have to understand that um you could tell them everything but they're not gonna believe it till they experience it. But there's and that's why I said there's a difference between masking and a facade. Masking is just like it's not as bad as it is a facade is it's great when it's not you know what I'm saying and I think that that's what the perspective that I'm coming from. Okay. I I'm probably coming from more of the facade perspective straight lying period yeah because my dad wants to do first class and I'm like me and your mama got money you think we got money so I've done good there but yeah not being not being truthful. Okay like you you can protecting yeah you can be like this ain't for my kid to know it's tough but I'm not gonna ever tell I'm not gonna ever give toxic posity I'm not gonna give a facade I'm not gonna give fake shit to where they potentially could end up in the situation 20 years from now and they're like why is this not like wait a minute age appropriate wait a minute wait a minute I just realized something she said all that shit basically what she said was I'm not finna sit here and play in their fucking face that's funny that's funny that's funny I'm gonna play in their face I'm gonna let them know the ring I think one of these days when we get to snore and all that shit I feel like one day we're gonna get this you almost got it right there you almost got it because the way that nigga made that shit come full circle that hit me I didn't even realize it I don't want nobody flipping with that nigga was talking she said wait a minute I said wait this nigga saying the same shit without saying the same all right we're gonna move on to choose one okay two all right whatever nigga I'm i'm gonna give you I'm gonna give you two options angry and just choose one all right and everybody gonna get a different one because I don't want I don't want niggas piggybacking how you don't want piggybacking I don't want no piggybacking oh you talking about me yeah all right all right so Sharon because I said so are open conversations that's tough man it's on her that's why I'm gonna so tough hey nigga pick one because that's a real I know debate in my house I know because sometimes nigga just do what I said this nigga I know but what's I said so yeah nigga but what you picking today and I'm gonna play this back for him tough I hope I can never I'd be getting less question at the late little wage but why it's like yeah I mean that's bad come on come on I'm gonna give you an answer all right go ahead but I'm gonna give you a brief explanation okay go ahead nigga the answer is uh conversation okay because this is what I've arrived at with my kids and this is what I tell my kids when I tell you to do something do it because I said so right the act of what I'm telling you to do fucking do it if you feel some kind of way we can talk about it so still do it.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:10

I think he bean too deep I would have picked um open conversations because no is a conversation that's where it ended um he already had the answer in his head that's my answer though uh um McFly a calm parent who suppresses emotion or emotion or emotional parent that communicates openly ah that one's tough yeah because I would say I'm the I'm the calm suppression and their mom is but which which would you prefer in your kid's life would you prefer it's tough the the questions are tough they're supposed to be can I throw the curve ball in go ahead because I grew up with that because the the emotional one that was he used his hands so it's like do you want that like you know what I mean you don't want that so okay are you asked I'm sorry shit I guess the emotional huh converse the the the second one not the not the comp suppress one okay yeah okay suppress is the big word in there kevin respect through fear or respect through connection jump jackson I'm going connection fear don't work I got a great I don't know I got a great stuff there's a lot of trying fear and she don't give a fuck I'm just saying maybe like that's it that is true that fear has made a lot of famous people that's not jump jacks it made famous and infamous yeah because sometimes they blow up schools that's true oh my god yeah we went far sorry yeah Charan shield kids shield the kids from pain or teach them

SPEAKER_05 1:06:00

To process the pain, teach them how to process the pain.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:02

All right. You can't show kids prepaid.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:05

All right. McFly, perfect image or authentic household. Authentic household. All right, all right.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:10

Not even questioned.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:12

All right. Kevin, strong parent or reliable parent? Reliable, yeah. You gotta be there. See, see, y'all, y'all did good. I see I gave y'all dick name with a little bit a little more uninvasive, right? Right?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:26

I thought that was you. Damn if you do, damn if you don't, type of scenario.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:32

All right. Last three questions. Six. It's only gonna be three. Right. Sharon, can emotionally unavailable parents still be good parents? That's that's a good one.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:48

Yeah, because you can, I want you to explain. We're raising humans. We don't not all humans need the emotional maturity, the emotional regularity. Like, not all humans are that way. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 1:07:03

Um, they need the some talking to my oh, this is the mic? Yeah. Oh lord.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:14

I didn't make that shit that strong dude. No, I'm lucky. She's feeling that shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:20

She said, I'm feeling me. She's feeling that shit. I've been pacing myself this entire episode. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:29

I still got like 30 questions. I'm I'm cutting this shit short.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:32

Let's keep it going. Nah, I've been pacing myself because that shit was the question, nigga. Say it again.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:37

Okay, we're gonna skip you.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:38

Um that's all I'm learning.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:41

A good parent.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:42

He said, what he said, can an emotionally unavailable parent be a good parent?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:46

Yeah, yes. My answer is yes, because people are different, and you could be raising a child that emotion is not key for them. So, or you could be raising a child that makes them wear emotionally not key, but that's a whole nother fucking conversation. But no, um, as long as you're reliable to them, you know, they may have some things to sort out, but if you're teaching them the tools and stuff like that, then yeah, you can see that.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:08

Okay, it could be overly, overly, overly emotionally. Okay, Norman Bates.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:14

Not that much. We're not killing niggas. Uh Dela Ghetto, what's harder for parents to emit fear, sadness, or failure?

unknown 1:08:23

Ooh.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:25

I for me personally, it'd probably be failure.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:28

Mom and dad is different. I just want to say that really fast.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:31

Yeah, I guess for me, it'd probably be failure to admit that'd be the hardest thing. Because I can tell you when I'm sad. Okay. I the the failure part is like where it's like, fuck, I failed. Like, because you don't it depends on what the failure is, too, though.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:44

Especially if the failure fucking relates to the child. Yeah, you can be nailed in.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:48

Yeah. Kevin, what's one emotion society still doesn't allow fathers to show? Fathers? Yes, nigga. Mmm.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:57

Society, huh? Because we we we letting we letting niggas cry now. Are we? Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:05

I think to a degree.

SPEAKER_08 1:09:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:10

I was having a conversation today. Or yesterday about calling some uh a father, I know a bitch because of how he was going about things. But but it was what he was doing as a but it was it it would be what society like would deem. So I feel like we there's certain things we still don't let.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:28

You said emotion, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:34

I think it's what your answer was failure.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:37

Nah, we we can we can't. I almost feel like it's not an emotion though. That vulnerability is still it's still like uh still thing, a stigma. Where it's like we still supposed to be stoic and uh you can be one with me, but I'm gonna hang up and call you a bitch ass nigga.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:55

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:00

I'm just playing. We get this bitch ass nigga. This bitch ass nigga with some shit.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:04

Nigga, we are I think vulnerability is one of those. It's not necessarily an emotion, but it's like as society, we look at men. It's like nigga, we all got problems. That's how society looks at men. I think my answer would be joy.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:23

Joy? Yeah, you ain't allowed to be happy? I don't I don't know. See, there's a difference between happy and joy.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:29

Well, here we go with his philosophical shit.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:31

I feel like I feel like as a as a man, we can be happy. But I think when we when we become when we creep into joy uh uh joyfulness, that's like this nigga doing too much. He needs to be like was he frolicking? Do you mean like it becomes he can't do that shit?

SPEAKER_02 1:10:46

Like joy, Mo.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:48

It becomes what is joy that joy is different to everybody is different.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:52

No, I know, but tell me what that looks like.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:53

For me, what the the the thing I'm the host, you don't ask me questions, cuz well I want to know what's the difference is with joy and the happy. Happy is a byproduct of joy, right?

SPEAKER_05 1:11:02

I feel like happy is is one level above content. Like you look around and you're you're happy and you're satisfied with how things are going and the outcome of your decisions, right? So we're not. I feel like peace, you just ain't got no worries.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:16

No, pleased. Please, like it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:18

It's probably it's probably in the same realm. I feel like when it comes, calm down now. Wait a minute. No more drink for you. She's gonna call somebody the second we leave here. Hey, look here.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:40

Do you want to be pleased today?

SPEAKER_06 1:11:43

Why should you sound like Milan?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:45

Right?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:47

What do you say?

SPEAKER_06 1:11:48

Did you want to be pleased?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:52

I was kidding. I was kidding.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:54

I feel like when it comes to joy, joy is a level of what I call unfiltered, unadulterated happiness.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:02

And I feel like oftentimes in today's society, as men, we don't, we never reach that level. Because I feel like we have spots of happiness, but then the way life is set up, here comes the problems, here comes the worry. So we can never, we can never, we may, we may live in happy for a period of time, but it's the second we start to elevate towards joy, life brings us back down. And then we have to re-regulate and now because I feel like most men were problem solvers. So we can't be happy or joyous in the moment when there's a problem because now we we're fixating on the problem. So we're and so then once the problem is solved, now we start to edge back up towards joy. I can but I feel like that we're we're constantly in that cycle.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:39

That's a yup.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:39

And I've still yet to be in gratitude. What happened?

SPEAKER_02 1:12:44

And pain. I knew he was thinking. Can't you be in gratitude? Can you stay in a future problem?

SPEAKER_03 1:12:51

I've never froliced before. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:53

That sounds weird to say. Um, but fuck it. You can be you can be grateful at your lowest.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:01

That's what I'm saying. I that's not joy. What if you that's not joy? Because to me, if I'm being honest with you, and I don't know if it's the difference of being a female or what, but yes, yes, it's it's your ovaries talking. No, my ovaries are talking when I say it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:18

Do you want to be pleased today?

SPEAKER_02 1:13:20

That was my ovaries. Um, that is true. No, I think that when you find that true level of gratitude, you'll always find the joy.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:34

Let me let me okay, let me, let me, let me, uh, let me come rebuttal with this. Okay, right. Knowing what I've been through and what I'm currently going through, I'm grateful that I'm still able to provide somewhat of a standard for my family. There is no joy in what I'm going through. I have no joy, I have no happiness in what I'm going through, what I feel, with the emotions I deal with, the constant uh state of stress, the constant state of worry, the constant state of financial instability. There's no joy in that. But I'm grateful to be able that I've been allowed to somehow still make it work.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:13

And where, but I think it's it's per Go eat a eight the shrooms and go hide them for four hours.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:21

But I think it's it does it lead to frolicking, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:14:23

I think it's perspective though, because um, and this is why I said it could very well just be personality makeup or genetically men and women. But when I think of joy, you choose joy. Okay, joy is not a constant state because life, joy can never be a constant state. All right. Joy is something you choose. So I think that when you find yourself at a and and this is coming from my own experiences, when you find yourself at a that level of gratitude, joy is always there because regardless of all of the shit that you just said, you're still choosing the joy in everything that you have. That's how I see joy.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:09

I'm gonna respectfully disagree.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:10

Okay, and that's fine. But I mean, I just have to say that because I think that joy, it's interpretation. Joy is never gonna be a constant state. We're alive, we're human. Our our makeup is not going back to even eating the apple. Okay, wait. Oh, yeah, okay. Our makeup was never for us to just it to just be easy, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 1:15:31

Go ahead, my fucking I got. I was just gonna ask. So so what I got from this is the only draw I ever received is busting a nut. That's it. 30 at that 30 seconds.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:41

That's because that's what's how long is the nut be lasting?

SPEAKER_05 1:15:44

Why is it quicker than that? No, I mean, I mean, well, I'm I'm I'm counting, I'm I'm counting the actual and then the the the the the cooldown time to where I'm like, man, that was nasty. Uh okay. This is the last question. We out of here. Everyone answer this. Uh I'm gonna answer last. Uh uh. Um, what's one thing you hope your kids never have to heal from?

SPEAKER_00 1:16:06

I'm gonna cry.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:08

Hope they never have to heal from what's one thing you hope your children never have to heal from? Strong, you can go you can go second or last.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:15

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:17

Um seeing their their parents in a bad state. That was like, I'm still recovering from that shit. So uh I hope they never have to see something like that. I hope they get the to to thrive in life and not have to see their parents like fucked up.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:43

They gotta go through shit. I went through shit.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:45

I think it's along the same lines. It's um that's fucked up, but never having to worry that one of the your parents has taken the other parent out.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:58

Oh, damn. Okay, yeah. I didn't I wasn't expecting that. I'm not gonna comment. Sharon.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:03

Yeah, for real. Um don't cry. I'm not, I'm not.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:07

Or do. Yeah. We need these views.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:16

Oh no, I'll I can't. I didn't say that. I'll just sit here. All right, go ahead, Jerome.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:32

Ask me a question. It's you, Mo. I'm not doing shit. I just I just don't want my kids to ever um have to heal from I don't know. I there's so many things that they're it's inevitable. And I think that that's what made me emotional. It's not even necessarily one specific thing. What makes me emotional is that my kids are going to have to go through a lot of shit. Um, but I hope that they never have to feel unsupported. So not necessarily heal from, but I guess that is something you heal from. Um, but I don't want my kids to ever feel unsupported in any type of way, whether it be a partner, their me, um, a friend-based family ship. Like, I don't want them to ever feel like whatever it is that they're going through, that they have no one in the world to help them through it.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:33

Okay. Um, niggas right there. Right there. Um I don't never want my child to have to deal with or heal from a lack of confidence. Um because I understand now that that can root into so many different areas, and and and a lack of confidence can bleed out into so many different types of emotions from depression, anxiety, to to being a shut in to self-image. And it just uh that's something that I would never want her to have to overcome overcome because it it would I I imagine it would make her feel like she's alone in a bubble or alone in the world. And I never want her to feel like she's alone. Just how like y'all niggas are never alone because we are out here every Monday.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:26

This has been episode how you wrapped that shit up in a boat.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:31

This has been episode 242 of the Heavyweight Collective. I'm your host, Mo Sharon. Jackie Robinson spin in my fucking face. Not Chan.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:41

But what did we what did we gather from today's episode? I also don't play in people's plays.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:46

That's what she said. We don't know if it's true. We gotta interview her kids first before we can verify.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:51

My kids gonna be on the next top your shit.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:54

Right, all three of them. But go ahead, like, subscribe, comment, all that, and until next time. And no, next time. Damn, next time. We love y'all. Please subscribe.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:09

That's right. That's no real. So make sure, click like, subscribe. We don't look room break more through. Until next time.