Love Me

This episode explores love as a daily practice—not a feeling you chase, but a choice you make. We talk loyalty, boundaries, provision, parenting, and how to learn what actually makes your partner feel cared for.

From therapy and self-respect to teaching kids standards and kindness, this is an honest conversation about what real love looks like when emotions settle and life gets real.

Thanks for tapping in with The Heavyweight Collective!
Make sure you follow, subscribe, and share with someone who needs this convo. Catch us on all socials for clips, updates, and more behind the mic. https://linktr.ee/TheHeavyweightPodcast

Transcript

Welcome, Hosts, And Setup

SPEAKER_05 0:00

Ready.

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Whenever I'm ready. Okay, I'm ready. This is you nervous?

SPEAKER_05 0:06

Don't be nervous.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

I just keep forgetting the number. Why are you so good? This is episode 232 of the heavy.

SPEAKER_02 0:13

Why are you about to hit the table like that? Didn't nobody hear that.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

What? If I wasn't nervous before, I am now.

SPEAKER_04 0:22

I was like, but this was your idea, though.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

It was my okay. Today we are talking about love. But before we start talking about love, um I'm Sharon. I'm here with these guys if they want to say who they are.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

Kevin.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Yeah. Everybody's using real names today.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

Yeah, Kevin Ellis.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Real name.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Actual name.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Actual name.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Since I'm hosting.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

I'm Rachron.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 0:45

Yep. They call me Mr. Mo.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Okay. Yes. Welcome, everybody. I am the hostess with the most this today. I've always wanted to say that. Um, and there we go. Um I am black history. Yeah. Period. You are. That's true, man. You are.

SPEAKER_05 1:08

Um, we'll try to make some more later. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Okay. Come on. We're talking about love. We are talking about love today, but you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:16

We're going to need some reparations.

Weeks, Therapy, And Self-Care

SPEAKER_00 1:21

It is Black History Month. It is the month of love. And um, yeah, that's what we're talking about today. We're gonna get right into it.

SPEAKER_05 1:29

All right, right into it. Damn, no foreplay, huh?

SPEAKER_00 1:32

No foreplay. I mean, my week sucked, so let's just not talk about it. I mean if I talk about my week, I ain't gonna want to talk about love. Damn, welcome. That is say right now. Fair enough.

SPEAKER_05 1:42

It was rough.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

Is it? Yeah. All right. I mean, I started school and shit, but you know, congratulations, nigga.

SPEAKER_05 1:48

You know, Kevin Wait, how do you Kevin? Let's go. Kevin started school.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

Well, you know, just started my took my first class, some accounting. Some what? Some accounting, accounting class. That shit sucks. I can tell you about that, nigga. Accounts is receivable.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Is it online or are you going in? What are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 2:08

Hybrid, but it sucked. I was like, oh, these numbers.

SPEAKER_00 2:12

Oh shit. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Um accounting sounds scary to me.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

I'm pretty sure my professor was drunk, so it's cool. We laugh.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

But you had a good week. Hell yeah. First week of Black History Month felt good to you.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Yeah, you know, president tried to throw a little wrench, but welcome.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

Yeah, always. How about you?

SPEAKER_01 2:38

I uh started my therapy. Hell yeah. Felt good about that. Like I told my uh when I started talking to the therapist, she uh when I when I unpacked some of my uh childhood trauma, she looked at me, her eyes got big, and she was like oh, yeah, you need to come back.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

I said, Oh yeah. You know, the first session is usually like introductory. So the fact that you touched on that, she probably was like, Oh, well, goddamn.

SPEAKER_05 3:04

Yeah. They tell you some shit. Did she clutch her pearls?

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Uh I I'll just say that she um uh it made me have a realization that I wouldn't be able to say what I said in that session if I hadn't already started doing some work with just uh writing music. She was like, that's important. The fact that you write and you're able to talk about your feelings and then and what you went through. Like the fact that you can open up to that point made me feel good about what I have done as a artist and being able to unpack certain things that I went through.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

I love that. I love that you're eager about this. I really love that, and it's admirable. So really good. I like that. I like that.

SPEAKER_02 3:41

I will say I did miss my first therapy session, though. I didn't miss the first one, but this is the first time I missed one because I overslept.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

Oh Lord. That was therapy. I woke up and I was like, tell her I tell her I missed it for a different type of therapy. I had to sleep.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

Well, yeah, she didn't give a fuck. She got paid. Not for I'm happy. One way or another.

SPEAKER_05 4:05

Yeah. What's up? That's good shit.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

So you're coming to your next therapy session just counting.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

It's fine, Kevin. I got paid, Kevin. Yeah. She's like, you're the one that got me. How was your week?

SPEAKER_05 4:21

It was good, I guess. No. I had a pretty good therapy session. Then I got raped.

SPEAKER_03 4:29

I mean, trigger. Clarify.

SPEAKER_05 4:32

Trigger warning. Clarify fast. Yeah, you better fix that. I take that back. I didn't get raped. Every gates. I no. I didn't get raped, but I did sign a consent form. So okay. Clarify. I just I guess I did give consent. Mm-hmm. I got you. I got split roasted. Mm-hmm. Clarify. Okay. There we go. Good note. Good note. I was like, we can leave it there. You know. That's good. I can't I can confirm they they they did they did uh they did uh they used loop. But that's a good thing, though.

SPEAKER_02 5:07

That's that's a good thing to do. We gotta tell everybody.

SPEAKER_05 5:11

We're waiting on the results on some shit, but there we go.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

Well it's a lot of self-care happening at this table right now. And I love that's self-care. Yeah, AF. It's very self, very much so.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

So I still ain't gonna. I'm I'm 41, nigga.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

So it's about that time.

SPEAKER_05 5:28

Hey nigga, I'm gonna tell you, you can go where I want, nigga. You woke up, it was quick. Yeah, yeah. Just wake up. Just wake up. Are we done? Shit. I mean, I mean, it didn't hurt that the the anesthetic, she was uh she was pretty.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

I just picked, I just pictured Mike S when he woke up and look at the chip pee off with me. I will say that the wake up, that's what I picture. Like I was.

SPEAKER_05 5:52

I will say that, you know, uh the most of the nurses in there. I said, I also I know I said Chuck hiring over here.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

Yeah. Chuck never really retires.

SPEAKER_06 6:02

Ignorant.

SPEAKER_05 6:02

Did you pitch a tent for him or what? You know, you know, you know, you know, anyone tomorrow. Yeah, I said, yeah, Chuck gotta be doing hiring over here. Yeah. Yeah, I think there was one funny, uh there was one uh black male nurse in there, and he looked at me like, nigga, you're doing the right thing. I said, nigga, no, I'm not. He's like, No. Yes, you are. He said, it's gonna be okay. I said, nigga, no, it's not.

SPEAKER_01 6:25

Yeah. It's always that one black person in there that goes, I'm gonna try to beat it. Be good.

SPEAKER_05 6:30

Like, you like, okay, like what was it? We need people in the world, like nigga, you look like you about 28. You ain't even been through this shit.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

But he be seeing younger. He probably had somebody.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

We be losing people too younger days.

SPEAKER_00 6:44

Amen to that. Well, my week sucked, you know. Um, me not having eyelashes on today is very indicative of that.

SPEAKER_05 6:52

And they didn't even know you had my eyelashes on that one.

Defining Love As Action

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Sorry. No, you could tell. I look so you had a bad week. You look what? I look sleepy when I don't have on eyelashes. Oh, is that what no? I mean, I'm I'm being dramatic. I just I I was a it was a heavy level of adulting happening this week, and that's what's depressing. So I started the week off Sunday. My hot water heater messed up. It was it's literally just got purchased in 2022, so that was annoying because why is it messed up? So 40. Yeah, it got replaced. All I mean, everything that's what I'm saying. It was just a lot of levels of adulting this week that just I'd get overwhelmed by that. That's all. So went from my hot water heater to then my internet was out, and as we know, I work from home. Um so you got paid to do nothing? Not in front of my job. Oh, I worked all of those days. Thank you very much. Um, no, actually, I went and sat at a coffee shop, and I it was a very that part was kind of cool, but internet was out. Then my middle daughter, she's in Education Academy at school. She brought home a baby that she had to take care of for five days. Oh no. Oh the very after two days in, she texted me saying, Mom, the baby died. Damn, wait, huh? Wait a minute. Is this an electronic baby? Of course. Oh, of course. Um, it's a very it came with a stroller, a car seat. So yeah, my first grandbaby died this week. And it was just a weird week. And then my five-year-old is overly concerned with the death death of the baby. Um, like, mom, how did the baby die? She kept asking us, like, and we just kind of kept brushing her off, like, Kari, the baby, the baby kept crying, like we don't know. So finally we kind of realized what she was trying to put together in her head. She was like, right, like, damn, I'll be crying all the time.

SPEAKER_03 8:55

Stop crying that you're about to do me.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

She didn't know. She was like, Did I die when I was a baby? My poor baby.

SPEAKER_05 9:08

So she said, No more tears.

SPEAKER_00 9:09

That's why she's like, Yeah, she like, I ain't crying about shit no more.

SPEAKER_05 9:11

So she finna be a little gangster.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

Crying gets you dead. Um, yeah, yeah. That's how the week kind of went. But you know, I'm good. I'm here. Everything's great.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

So many tears over here is tattooed.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Yeah. The month of love, guys. Okay, let's get right on into it. So, what does love look like to you? Um when you think about love and or I'm sorry, when you think about the people that are in your life that you love, what are you doing to sh express that type of love or to express love to them?

SPEAKER_01 9:57

Me showing up. Showing up every day, making sure that they're all provided for and cared for. Yeah. Because for growing up for me, my dad wasn't really the affectionate type, he just did it in his actions, so I just try to I tend to do the same thing. Just showing up, making sure they know that no matter what, I got them. That's my uh way of expressing it.

SPEAKER_02 10:26

Yeah, love is a verb. Love is a verb. It's the actions you do, it's the thinking about them, their feelings and what they uh like I try to put people that love their uh feelings into like my decision making and things of that nature. Sometimes, you know, some shit you don't want to do, but you like that's not love.

SPEAKER_03 10:54

Those are the ones I don't love.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Yeah. We're talking about feeling love today.

SPEAKER_02 11:01

But yeah, that's that kind of does go into it, because if I didn't love you, nigga, look out of here. So yeah, that's I always try to put my best foot forward, be my best self and show up for them and put their uh their feelings into my actions.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

So like consideration, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

Like there we go. That's the word I was looking for at fireball.

SPEAKER_05 11:30

You're right, yeah. Consideration.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

Being considerate.

SPEAKER_05 11:34

Yes. She said no.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

Hell no. Wait till I get to the end of the cut.

SPEAKER_02 11:40

Damn Lord. Damn.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

Let's start freestyling these questions.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

You in did you did you drink the fireball?

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Um, what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Huh? We're working on our working on it.

SPEAKER_05 11:54

And I'm sorry. Um I think that's a low question. I think there's level to that, but I do think at the base is it's kind of like what Kevin was saying is consideration. And you um and and what Andy said, consideration is showing up. But I do think that how you show your love, it really does depend on the individual. Because obviously you're gonna show your partner love a little differently than you would show show your kids or your brother, your sister. Um, but I do think that the foundation of it is just showing up, being their form and and taking it in consideration, um, taking them into consideration in their feelings.

Platonic, Romantic, And Self-Love

SPEAKER_00 12:35

I think for me, a lot of love is consideration. Like, then that's why the the that word comes to the forefront, because um you can love a person and you can have your ways of showing love, but does that necessarily mean that they're gonna feel loved by you? So you have to be considerate of what that person is desiring when it comes to love, and that's why that word, you know, pops out for me. So yeah, but you kind of went into what my next question is because, like you said, it's it's levels to it because we have different types of relationships, right? So can love be shown the same in a platonic way that it is shown in either a romantic or a family relationship?

SPEAKER_05 13:27

No to a degree, you can be considerate, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:30

But I'm like romantic and no, no, no.

SPEAKER_05 13:33

I mean, you can't be platonic and romantic.

SPEAKER_02 13:35

Hell no.

SPEAKER_05 13:36

You can't be like, we just platonic, but I'm breaking it down. That's how you lose a house.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 13:45

And happy, and happy forever.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

Or and I'm gonna throw another element in there. Um trying to set up my own answer, but also in self-love, also in self-love. Um so you have platonic, right?

SPEAKER_05 13:58

Oh, you can you can be romantic and self-love.

unknown 14:00

You can sure can.

SPEAKER_00 14:01

I'm very oh I'm just this is true. Stop what? You can absolutely be romantic and self-love, and but it doesn't have to be it don't have to be like what you're thinking.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

I've been taking myself on dates.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Y'all got me fucked up because you know what you've been trying to do.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

My brain sucked it somewhere else. But I'm saying all that.

SPEAKER_05 14:21

Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Okay, in the movie theater like Pee-wee Herman. No, no, no, no, no. That's my lone time. Set the scene.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

That's not love. That's alarm alarming.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

Essential oils. Oh, damn.

SPEAKER_05 14:38

But like that's what I I do have I I have very few female friends, right? And most of the female friends I have, they come from I met them either grown up or I had an in like in college. And so, but though the but the few females that I do consider friends, I do have love and respect for them. But I don't love them in the same way as I love my wife. No, you know what I'm saying? Like my wife is still above them, but if I could help them within reason where it would not upset my wife, I would I I do take them into consideration. I do reach out, say, hey, how you doing? You know, the general, the happy, the happy birthday, you know, how you you know, catch up, but it's nothing, it's strictly on it's it's it's very black and white. It's like, no, we're just friends, and I love you as a friend, but that's just what it is.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

And for me, I feel like when you break down love and when you break down your definition of love, if we go back to consideration, there's really no separation. Like, yeah, the actions, the verbs may look different, but the love is still the same. So if you're talking about a platonic love, then yeah, you're not doing romantic things in nature, but you still love that person the same way in terms of innocence, the consideration of them, or whatever you may look at it. And and that's how I see it, and that's what I'm saying. That's what kind of drives my answer. Um, because I think what was the question? I'll have to think that's innocence.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 16:09

Um I think my answer is yes, that you're it can be shown, like you can display your love in a platonic way, the same way that you may in a romantic relationship. Because like when I think of some of the people that I love the most, it's like I have my best friends, right? Females, I am like in love with my friends, like you know what I mean? And it's no, it's not a weird, creepy. Um, the actions look different than what a romantic love feels like, but I love them girls, like you know?

SPEAKER_01 16:42

So I think they're just it's a different level. Yeah, the love the same, just the actions are different.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

The actions are different. I that's what I think. But the love is the same.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

I can see that.

SPEAKER_05 16:52

I ain't dying for no friends, I'll die for my wife.

SPEAKER_02 16:56

I mean, I get what you're saying. Because this is it's like I was thinking the same thing, but then I'm like, that's that goes to the action.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

That's a good example.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

That does go to the action, though. That is an action.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

It's an action.

SPEAKER_02 17:07

It's so I get what you're saying, but uh, I mean, I'm more within that line where I'm like, yeah, I mean, I love these motherfuckers, but now I I warn, I wouldn't do that. I'm not gonna pay your rent. Yeah, but you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 17:21

That's true. No, they're actually.

SPEAKER_05 17:25

Yeah, I if I had if I had the means to pay someone's rent that I love, would it where it wouldn't impact my family? I would.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

Because you love them the same. It's just that the action is measured off of your ability. Yeah, you know, you don't have the ability to do.

SPEAKER_05 17:41

Well, I won't go there, but yeah, nigga, if I was Bill Gates, nigga, you'd like, hey bro, I'll yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_02 17:46

Yeah, I should hey, I you know, I help you out. I ain't gonna be playing. If I was Bill Gates, I might just buy the house at that point. Like, look, I don't want you to keep calling me. Who's gonna pay the tax if you got a year to figure that shit out?

SPEAKER_01 18:01

I got that confused. So you're gonna buy the house, but you're not buying it for them, you're just buying it.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

Oh, I'm buying it for them. But it's like you gotta pay this yearly. I'm not buying you no mansion where you can't afford it. Oh, yeah. But like, this is in your means. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

Because I thought you meant like you're you're buying it and then saying, yeah, the rent for me.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. That's fucked up. It's one lord of my. I know you're struggling and shit, but make it 500. Rent 50. 550. I honestly believe there's uh such things as platonic soulmates, too.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

Oh, I do. I'm glad you said that.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

I think that's a thing. And uh it comes down to uh how you communicate with your partner. So yeah, I mean, I guess so, yeah. But I don't think you show it in the same way. I don't know if you can do that without problems in the house.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

And I I think that um what's interesting or necessary to highlight is that I'm referencing friendships right now in terms of other women and I'm not in a relationship. So if I were talking about an a male friend and I was in a relationship, it probably would look a little bit different, right? Um, but yeah, when I'm talking about like the people that I love the most friendship-wise, I'm pretty much talking about and I got female friends that are friends that I love.

SPEAKER_02 19:37

And like it's it was one of those things that uh when I got my wife, she didn't like I knew all these girls before. And it's like I remember going to see one of my friends, she had come down to see her sister, and we I was driving to LA and she was like, What the fuck? You're gonna go see this girl in LA? And I was like, You can come with me, like I don't give a fuck. And she was like, and then she met her and she was like, Oh. Like she like, she like cares about you. Like, it's not one of those things where it's like you have she had to like see those things. So she's met like a lot of my female friends now, and now they're like talking shit about me.

SPEAKER_00 20:11

That happened, that's that's how you know it's real love when they link up with somebody else's love and and they share that common ground.

Boundaries, Loyalty, And Provision

SPEAKER_02 20:18

That's one of those things I I wanted her to see was to see like they have my best interest out, and they have your best interest out, and vice versa. So it's like one of those that we had to come to together on. So it's like I'm not trying to hide nothing from you. Like, fuck it, come on out. I don't give a shit.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

This one's like a dude, like what the fuck you talking? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:42

I also think so, because a lot of people like uh recently I hear all the time, like, oh, we we know you married. Like, you let it be known. Yeah, I'll let it be known. Yeah, and like uh the dynamic is you know, we've been together so long, most of our friends they they only know us as a couple, yeah. Like we're we're like to not see us together is weird type type shit. So that's why I always like even like so the the the few females that I do consider to be friends, like they should they they well they talk to her more than she than they talk to me.

SPEAKER_02 21:14

So yeah. It's actually quite convenient though. Oh, yeah, when you're like, hey, you guys wanna make these plans? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 21:25

Are you afraid? Ask her. I just yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know shit to it. Pop a couple of calendar.

SPEAKER_00 21:32

Yeah. What do you think we're trying since we're using governance today?

SPEAKER_01 21:37

Um, I feel like, yeah, it's uh I I do agree that it's um it's the action. Uh, but I do think the love is the same because I have a bunch of people that I uh consider that I know I love, and it's usually friends because I don't really rock with my family like that. So um but it's always action. And I feel like there's always levels to shit. And uh the people that that I know me genuinely know that I'll give fucking shirt off my back if I if I know I can, but I also know that uh for home, I always have to take into account what I'm risking. So like if if I can do it and I can afford to do it, I'll do it. But if I know it's gonna hurt hurt the home, I can't feel like I can't. Like, but the other love is the same as just the I feel like it's an intensity of it, it's like yo, I got shit to consider. Uh if I was fucking rich, shit, the people around me would be sad. That's just how I feel.

SPEAKER_00 22:37

And I think that all of your answers um display you as men. Because you guys all related love to provision. Each one of you. It went to like, oh, pay your rent or do like all of you guys had an answer that was related to provision. And I think that that's interesting to consider because it's it kind of answers the question also in terms of like um well not that that question, but basically, what is love? Like, you know what I mean? That answers that question because that's what your mind goes to when you think of somebody that you love and somebody that you're what does that look like? What does the action look like? Even though there's levels to the action, it's still provision.

SPEAKER_02 23:26

A form, some form of it. It's always provision, even if it's just listening to somebody. Yeah, providing something.

SPEAKER_00 23:34

Yeah. Because I think that as a female, I don't automatically go to um it it may be more of like being in service. That's probably a mind frame of me for me, but provision is kind of the same. No, that's funny.

SPEAKER_05 23:47

I was like, provision is being a service, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:50

But I mean, I I guess to to give an example, it's like, oh, if you need help with your rent, the more the provision side would be like, I would give you this. Whether to me, service is damn girl, you need help, like what are we about to do? How are we about to make this money? Like, that's service to me. Um, and that's being in the the people that I love, if if if they need if I don't have it to give, obviously, um, but what are we gonna do? Like how we gotta get this money by Tuesday. How we go, how we gonna do it? You know what I mean? So I think that's cool.

SPEAKER_05 24:24

I just feel like, you know, I think us as fathers, I think the first thing we we realize is um like how much we're willing to sacrifice for those that we love. So I I think that's why the preserv the provision comes easy because it's like it's easy for us to kind of put ourselves on a back burner for the betterment of the family. So it's kind of like I think that's the go-to when it's immediate family. Like when it's you, your your your your your wife, your children, that's the immediate thing. Okay, yeah, I'll I'll I'll take care of myself last and make sure they have what they what they need. And then even and then it it just changes like a little bit with friends. It's like, okay, yeah, if the family's cool, I'm cool, I can help you. You know, it's like so it's like it's a it's an order to things. So it's not like it's not that like we're not, it's not that like it's only um like a monetary thing. Like, you know what I'm saying? Because a lot of times I feel like I don't have I've been personally, I've been in the spaces where I don't have the mental capacity to give you. So it's like, look here, man, like I understand it, but like right now I can't, I can't I can't be a shoulder right now. I'm trying to find a shoulder to for my damn self. I can't be a shoulder. So I mean, and I think part of that for me at least is I had to learn to be a shoulder for um my wife and my daughter because kids will tell you. Lord knows. You get a kid to talk, they'll they'll tell you more than you want to know. And then when you once you actually once you get over the uh the part where they're irritating you because they won't shut up and you actually start paying attention what they say, you're like, well, goddamn, like they're going through some shit. Like, and then it it has a whole different um um, you start to get a whole different outlook on that. So now like I try to be more a little more intentional when my daughter's talking about certain things or with listening, the same with the wife. So I was like, it's I I do think, and I but all that to me is still part of love and how I love them because honestly, if I didn't, if I don't care, nigga, yeah, shut up.

SPEAKER_06 26:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:23

You say that, and then I think about Andreas, because Andreas like hates school, but he does well at school. And I'm thinking like there were part of me was thinking he was struggling, and then I picked him up, and then a lot of these kids, hey Andreas, what's up? I was like, motherfucker, you popular. Like, exactly. He just don't like him. Like, yeah, then we all was like, oh, going out of the way to say hello to him. He was like, ah, that's so-and-so, dad. And you're like, But you're fine. Like, I thought you were this motherfucker's going good.

SPEAKER_05 26:50

Like, it's funny, so we got so there's a girl in the gym, we call her our gym daughter, right? She's young, and um, she's always complaining. I said, I said, I saw, oh, here you go. So-and-so's they're talking to me. I said, Oh, so somebody finds you pretty. Oh, someone thinks you oh, you have such a hard life. I was like, You just mad because it ain't the motherfucker you want to talk to me.

unknown 27:13

Talk to me.

SPEAKER_05 27:14

I said, Take the compliment and move on. Like, just that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

I understand that.

SPEAKER_05 27:19

But I understand blue shit about endurance, though. I'm like, fingers, how do you know? Because she was in second grade and she knew fifth graders. How the fuck do you know fifth graders and you in second grade?

SPEAKER_00 27:26

You can be a popular loner. I feel like I'm a popular loner to this day.

SPEAKER_05 27:29

You know, damn loner. You got three copies of your cell phone. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:33

I do.

SPEAKER_05 27:37

You ain't never alone.

SPEAKER_00 27:38

I really not. So, do you know when love shows up in a relationship?

SPEAKER_01 27:45

I can say I don't.

SPEAKER_00 27:47

Really?

SPEAKER_01 27:48

I'm oblivious to that shit.

SPEAKER_05 27:52

I disagree with that. Uh uh, I'm gonna say yes.

SPEAKER_02 27:58

I was like, I don't know how to answer. Do I just say yes?

SPEAKER_00 28:00

Like I feel screen. Like, that's not like having a yes.

SPEAKER_05 28:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:07

How does love show up?

Recognizing Love In Real Life

SPEAKER_05 28:09

What I I can I can give you many. There's a lot of ways. I can give you many examples.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

When when give me an example of when you knew that love showed up in a relationship.

SPEAKER_05 28:18

My my my first realization of love showing up is when she sat me down and gave me an ultimatum. And like I've said many times before, in that ultimatum, it wasn't her being harsh on me, it was her telling me that she sees better for me and that I'm being a hindrance to myself. That was an act of love from her. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

From her, okay. And I was gonna ask to clarify when it showed up from the other person or when it showed up for you.

SPEAKER_05 28:43

Right. And then for me, I would say I've loved my wife since I saw her. I've always said that. Like since I've met her, I've always wanted her. I got her, bagged her, one. Okay, we know. I've worked.

SPEAKER_06 28:57

We're we're gonna share.

SPEAKER_05 28:58

Gunshot. Oh, gunshot, hold on. Wow, okay. I wore her down. But for me, um, and I think McPhile can attest to this. When when I found out I was gonna be a father before even knowing her, the love I had. Okay, like I would, I would have, I would have, I would have took the world on by myself for her in that moment. Like it was different. Like nothing else mattered. Like, I don't give a fuck what you're talking about. Like, if you come up from my child, we got a problem. Like it didn't matter. So that was like my first where I realized, oh no, I like I like I I love this motherfucker.

SPEAKER_00 29:33

Like, and now in the way she's conception, like not conception, but you know, before she was here.

SPEAKER_05 29:37

Yeah, right. And now she got me wrapped around her finger. I'll be trying to be tough, but I'm not when it comes to her. She knows. Yeah, she do. Um and then like I think as far as my me knowing I love my wife, is when I realized how far I would go for her. Like the more like, and like the shit I would do that I would that I thought was routine, and then people are like, no, people don't do shit like that. It's like, oh well, I just like makes her life easier. So like I just do this.

SPEAKER_06 30:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 30:08

You know, like I don't mind. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I feel like that's when I kind of like, okay, no, I'll maybe I do love this motherfucker.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

That's yeah, I think that's a very good observation. Put in words.

SPEAKER_02 30:18

Yeah, there's a lot of different ways. Uh one of them is my wife be cooking and she hates cooking, so I'll take it. That's dope. Don't say nothing. She's been, I told you, she's been doing she's been kicking ass. She's been kicking ass.

SPEAKER_00 30:36

I couldn't look at him though. I knew not to look at him.

SPEAKER_02 30:38

She's been kicking ass lately.

SPEAKER_00 30:39

Yeah. Putting cheese in the shit that needs to be.

SPEAKER_02 30:42

She made some shit. Look at you. Look at you. Looking at nigga recipes.

SPEAKER_00 30:47

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 30:50

That's so funny. She's on black cock. Not black.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

What happened? I didn't know.

SPEAKER_00 31:01

I know. I stopped.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

I mean, he's not. You just let it go. I'm not wrong. I'm not wrong.

SPEAKER_06 31:09

That came up too. I'm like, god damn. You just got it.

SPEAKER_05 31:13

She said, you know what? I really love Kevin. Yeah. I really love Kevin. Let me tell you how to cook collard greens.

SPEAKER_02 31:23

No, we ain't there yet. We ain't there yet. Not there. We ain't there yet. Not there yet. That's oh shit. We're getting there.

SPEAKER_05 31:30

There's levels to it, right? I mean, she watched the uh she well, she she claimed she cooked the brisket.

SPEAKER_02 31:36

She did a lot. I I did all the seasoning and setting the wood up and getting the fire started. She kept the fire going.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

She knew when it was done. No.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

No, I did that.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

Lord have mercy. Knowing when something done is a big part of cooking.

SPEAKER_02 31:57

That shit should 16 hours. That shit takes 16 hours. So she had about eight of them keeping that fire on. But uh shit. Like even in the the bad shit, like when you argue and stuff like that, when you take the time to like, all right, look at we ain't gonna do this right now because I might say some shit. Both sides. Like, I think that's a form of love to be able to like step back and all right, let's just step to our own corners and then come back and then talk when cooler heads. Cause it's like, again, if it's somebody you ain't loving or in love with, it's like, oh fuck, I'm about to tell you this. Shit your bitch ass.

SPEAKER_00 32:38

I'm about to tell you this is comedy because that's so true. Restraint is a very big part of love. I I don't I like to show restraint anyway, just for my own integrity, but there's a another layer of restraint that comes into play with someone that I love because I don't want to cross that line. And I'm not even like a, you know, some people is like, oh, I'm reckless when I'm mad. I say shit I don't even mean. Like, all that shit is weird. Yeah. Like, why are you saying like hurtful things intentionally? Like, I don't do that. But like emotions get high. You know what I'm saying? So you may say something not necessarily that you don't mean, but your delivery of it might be a certain way and all of that. So restraint is definitely um, I like that you brought that up. The restraint does kind of show up, and you're like, oh damn, like I love this motherfucker. Like, I care how this plays out. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_05 33:33

But coming from somebody who's uh who can get reckless, I mean it it took years of uh of uh understanding who I am.

SPEAKER_00 33:41

No, you're still reckless.

SPEAKER_05 33:42

Oh, I know. It was worse. I'm like, this is the improved person.

SPEAKER_00 33:47

Oh that's scary.

SPEAKER_05 33:49

Yeah, so like you know, it you know, like I said, I I've if I if I get if I see red, nigga, it's I don't give a fuck. We can we when the dust settle, it is what it is. Like, yeah, but it's but it takes a lot for me to get there now. Yeah, because a lot of times I'll I'll walk away. I'm like, it ain't worth it. I got I got I got too much to lose, and that's nothing when you get older, you you start bargaining with niggas, ain't got shit to lose. Amen.

SPEAKER_02 34:12

Well, yeah, that's when you do the right and the right thing in your life because some motherfuckers ain't got shit going for them. Oh, you just gonna fly off the handle? Okay, you going to jail, man.

SPEAKER_00 34:23

Yeah, but that'd be the crazy people. Like, you I've heard people, I don't give a fuck about nothing. Fuck life. Oh shit, stay on there. Yeah, some people can run my life.

SPEAKER_02 34:35

You talking about you you wild, bro. And that's one thing I don't understand is when people like think that's a form of love, is the lashing out. And I'm like, that's not no damn love. That's like you just like drama.

SPEAKER_05 34:46

Yeah, that's that's not uh you don't heard that shit from your mama. Shit cruise in my head.

SPEAKER_00 34:54

Well, I mean, then and then then you get into the toxicity of things where people do consider that to be oh my gosh, it's therapy cross my mind.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

Motherfuckers gotta learn themselves on that one.

Conflict, Restraint, And Repair

SPEAKER_00 35:03

And I'll I'll try to reel it back in, but there's this when I'm working from home, there's there's this guy on a bike, right? And often I hear him riding that bike down the street, and he, I don't know who that girl is. I pray for you to this day. He be cussing that girl out. What kind of bike is it? It's a pedal bike, right? Exactly. Y'all get into exactly where I'm at. Can you hear his bike? No, it's it's a it's a a bike. Can I be having no? I he just be it's a a pedal bike, so clearly he's not going that fast. So it's like I hear him coming back. I hear him coming, but the way he be going off on this girl, like the lash out, is so crazy. He be saying the crazy like I don't give a fuck. That's why I'm fucking, that's why don't mess with fat bitches like you. And I I just going in. And like I said, my heart goes out to this girl who I have never seen a day in my life because all I always think about is this nigga is on a bike.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

Damn, the new age Debo. I wish you cussed me out on a bike.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

You ain't even like how much do I love you? You are on a bike. He looks crazy. He looks half homeless.

SPEAKER_02 36:22

He might not be talking to nobody. He might just be talking to the bike.

SPEAKER_00 36:26

We got the Debo. You're right. That is very Debo. Um, but it's like going back to what you said, or going back to like toxicity or whatever, that girl may be on the other end of the phone thinking, like, oh my god, he loves me because the way he cusses me out.

SPEAKER_02 36:42

Like, he wouldn't tell me that.

SPEAKER_00 36:44

Yeah. And it's just so sick.

SPEAKER_05 36:46

And that goes to how people the self-love. Self-love and what people were shown as they're growing up, and people tend to keep the same trends in their life. So if if she's used to hearing her mama be talked to like that, she thinks that's how love is being shown.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

That makes sense. I had to know that.

SPEAKER_02 37:02

I had to learn that shit.

SPEAKER_00 37:03

Don't allow that to change.

SPEAKER_02 37:04

From my therapist. She was like, you know, most people like follow the way they were grown up. And she's like, you literally went a hundred percent opposite. And I'm like, oh, I thought that was probably the right thing to do when you grow up being like, I don't like that.

SPEAKER_00 37:18

Yeah. And it's usually one way or the other. You either fall suit to fall in suit to it, or you're like, that was some crazy shit, and I don't want my life to be nothing like it. It's like that's really how we all grow up. And you're still a product of your environment. It's just that you chose very different.

unknown 37:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:37

Some people sharpen, some people, some people don't.

SPEAKER_02 37:40

That's that's a good way to put it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

How do you know when love shows up? Our brain took that though before I answer was like maybe it's possible that she felt like this man is the only one showing interest, or she'll just tolerate it.

SPEAKER_00 37:52

Yeah. Well, one of the things he said one day, I didn't want to go all vulgar, but one of the things he said one day, because he just disturbs me so much.

SPEAKER_02 37:59

Um You be soap opera in that shit.

SPEAKER_00 38:01

Like, I do, because I'd be like, where is this girl? Don't let this girl be on the back of the bike one day. Because I'll be like, girl, get off. Come in here. If the way he talked about it, she ain't. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

I'm kidding, that's mean, that's rude. Except the way he be talking about her, she ain't on the back of that bike.

SPEAKER_00 38:20

He was telling her one day, um, what do you mean? Like, I'm not into you. Do you think I would have had sex with you the way that I did last night if I was into you? And I'm just like, girl. Maybe it was dry. I I don't know. It's just disgusting. It's a really disgusting. It bothers me.

SPEAKER_02 38:38

He ain't talking to nobody.

SPEAKER_00 38:40

Shut up.

SPEAKER_01 38:41

That'd be hard if he was just talking to himself. You fucking grab the phone, like, look, girl, it's like, ain't nobody there.

SPEAKER_05 38:50

The whole time he was trying to get you to come outside.

SPEAKER_00 38:54

So now that I got your intention, what's up, black neighborhoods? Y'all are dumb. I just be feeling like the old lady in the neighborhood. Like, and I remember one time one of my neighbors, that's when I was like, black women are real superheroes. Like, one of my neighbors, this girl was like walking down the street, following her boyfriend, crying, like, why? Just talk to me, just talk to me. And I'm standing there like watching it out the window the whole time. And I'm just looking, and then next thing you know, because he was starting to get aggressive, and I'm like, okay, I might have to shoot this motherfucker. We're gonna do it. It got kind of crazy. A little warning shot, you know, a little something. But um, this car, it was a black lady and like her daughter or something, and they go driving down the street, but she turned around and she started walking kind of slow. And I just kind of did my little eye with her, like, you know, she was like, and then finally, like, they ended up going into the house. She's like, Do you know them? And I was like, No, I was like, I've seen them, they're my neighbors or whatever. But we were on the same page. Like, are we gonna have to whoop this nigga ass or like what's about to happen? So, you know, I I be having my windows open when I work, so I just be kind of you know, listening to the sounds of the world. You're hustling, listening to the sounds of the world.

SPEAKER_06 40:02

Oh, yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_01 40:03

I think the reason why I say I feel like I'm oblivious to things is just because it was never really communicated for me growing up. So, like I guess acts of service is my my my love language to degree. So if when someone shows up for me, I was like, oh, they they got love for me, but I don't necessarily I don't think I directly connect it is like, oh yeah, that that's love. Like I just kind of go, well, I mean, to a point I think my brain just takes it logical. Like, if you are being considerate of people, like you would do right by them, right? You know, I don't think that the average person wants to fuck somebody over. But I said the reason why I feel oblivious is that I think I have to sit back as I'm moving in life and go, wait a minute, that person loves me. But I don't usually, it's just more like, all right, I'm doing things and someone might have to pray. You know, you know they love you, right? It's like, oh shit, is that what was happening? Like that that's why I say I'm oblivious.

SPEAKER_00 40:59

So And you still think that you are?

SPEAKER_01 41:02

To a degree only because I'm thinking about everything else.

SPEAKER_02 41:07

That don't sound oblivious, it sounds like it takes you a little longer to register it.

SPEAKER_00 41:10

And I'm a slow processor, or that maybe you don't have like a direct relation of what love looks like for you, so it's not really telling it's not speaking to you.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

I can say, yeah. Yeah. Because it uh even when I was talking to the therapist, I we had touched on that briefly. Is that for my dad it was this way, and then and me and my mom's relationship wasn't necessarily close, so it was not really an infection type atmosphere growing up for me at all. So like as an adult, now it's more like trying to navigate. That's why I I I was heavily saying I need therapy because it was something where I'm unable to kind of like just understand what it is, it's just trying to get there. So, like with my kids though, like I try to do like we were talking about, the opposite of what I was growing up with. So I go out of my way to say I love them and and and so I'm not just showing up, I do let them know by saying it every day because I when the only times I've ever heard my dad say I love you, um, was when he was near death. And that shit scared me into fuck with me. So when he said I love you, I was like, damn, something's going on because he don't ever say that shit.

SPEAKER_05 42:27

So I'm gonna just warn you, nigga. I have been overly affecting him with mine. And she won't stop.

SPEAKER_01 42:35

I I mean that that's where I'm I'm getting that now, is learning because Ava's super uh emotional and super opinionated. So like now the older she gets, the more she will tell me exactly what the fuck she feels. And it's kind of like, whoa, whoa, whoa. So then like I'm trying to like to, I'm like, oh shit, dad's sorry, dad's in in in in grime mode. I didn't realize that like you got shit going on too. Like, like you pointed out, like it's oh shit. So like when she was like, Dad, you didn't even ask me if I was okay, and I'm like, I was literally just I just got off of work. I'm trying, I just like my bat. So it's like it's interesting to see, and like she's approaching womanhood.

SPEAKER_05 43:16

Yeah, so we're not talking about that.

SPEAKER_01 43:18

And like we're not talking about that. Yesterday she was saying complaining of uh of pain, and I was like, oh shit, it's it's it's gonna be happening soon. I know it.

SPEAKER_05 43:27

But I didn't even know what you were talking about. Go ahead and wrap this up. Go ahead and wrap this up.

SPEAKER_02 43:36

Yeah, yes, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Do you want more of an answer than that?

SPEAKER_00 43:40

I fucking do, okay? Like, I'm trying to. I'm messing with you. You guys are like, yes. Next question.

Parenting, Teens, And Tough Lessons

SPEAKER_05 43:50

Because, like we said, love is a thing you do every day in, day out. It comes naturally to you at some point. Being in love is, I feel being in love is more of Roller coaster where um you have times where that's just like in your relationship with your in your mirrors, like you have times where you're you feel super connected this week, and you have other times where shit life is weighing you down and you guys are not agreeing, and like you still love them, but we not in love this week. You know what I'm saying? We we we beefing this week, but I still love you. So I feel like it's it's a difference, you know. I mean, like I'm I always love my wife, but do we always agree? No. But on the weeks where everything is lining up and and and we see that eye on everything, that in love feeling, and you know, you know, hey man, ask you know question. You know, Kev. I know where you're going.

SPEAKER_01 44:38

So when you're the most connected, is that when balconies are involved?

SPEAKER_03 44:42

No, no. Sometimes you can be you can't have balconies when you ain't connected at all. Yes. Sometimes the balconies will reconnect.

SPEAKER_02 44:51

Actually, we had that going on. Well, I feel like I didn't have any of that like uh disconnection, but she felt disconnected. And I was just like, she's like, well, I just don't feel connected.

SPEAKER_03 45:03

I'm like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I ain't doing nothing different.

SPEAKER_02 45:08

But it's like that's what happens. You tripping. And then like we went on that long ass hike, and I was like, I thought we wasn't gonna finish. And then like she was one point, I was like, you know, we could just like turn around. We don't have to finish. She's like, we're almost done. And I was like, you're tripping. And then we walked like 20 more steps, and I was like, oh shit. She was right. He was right. But like just the encouragement with each other, and then coming back down, and she was like, I just feel connected again. I'm like, okay. I guess just you needed me to. I guess I was just in like grind mode, you know what I mean? So I wasn't thinking about it. Because she would ask me questions, and I'll be like, I already told you that. Like, so I didn't I don't think about the response sometimes.

SPEAKER_05 45:53

So I just I just think for myself, I I I tend to not realize when it needs to just be us for a while. Oh, that's the thing. Don't worry about it when it needs to just be us. Because sometimes, like, you know, you get so used to the routine, and sometimes you gotta just be with your with your person. No, we good, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:15

I feel like I feel like I feel like to to define it, love is a choice, and I could be very ignorant on this because it's it's an it's an I'm gonna say something, but it's like a discussion for another day. But I feel like I've never been in love before in a romantic way. Okay. Um nothing wrong with that. Yeah. Why is it gonna be a discussion right now there? We're talking about love. Because a lot of people we're talking about. Here she goes.

SPEAKER_05 46:45

Here she goes.

SPEAKER_00 46:47

Here she goes. Um I I because a lot of people receive that a certain way. Of course, people's first answer would be like that you were married. Okay. That don't mean nothing. It don't mean shit. I wasn't in love with that.

SPEAKER_05 46:57

A lot of people get married out of obligation.

SPEAKER_00 47:00

I I think that I chose to love him, and that's where I make a that's where that line draw gets drawn, where I think of love and in love. Um, I have chosen to love people in my past, yeah, but I didn't feel in love. But and I know that I've already touched on like there's platonic, there's romantic, or whatever. I felt, and then there's family. I've definitely felt the feels of being in love platonically or with family.

SPEAKER_06 47:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:35

So um it's like that with that being said, that's how I can kind of identify that I've never been in love.

SPEAKER_05 47:42

And that's what you mean like to the point where you felt like you actually like you guys actually connected on all levels type in love? You mean with platonically?

SPEAKER_00 47:52

No, romantically romantically. I've never been in love. I don't know what you mean. Like we never we didn't like we connected in some type of way, but just not not over.

SPEAKER_02 48:04

The thing in love, you usually can be your full self.

SPEAKER_00 48:08

Yeah, and I didn't feel like and I guess I'll just talk about I don't have like a lot of exes, so when I'm when I say I've never been in love, like there's not like this vast amount of relationships to talk about, but I'm also judging you. I'm also not trying to As long as you ain't sexy red, we fine. Anyway, you're so annoying. Um I think that yeah, on all levels. Like maybe, you know, somebody has come into my life and I'm just like, okay, like he's cool. Like I can mark off the boxes of this somebody that I can be with, right? But then when I get down to the things that bring me joy, like when I think about when I think about like I brought up friendship, right? So me and one of my best friends since like seventh grade, we had dinner the other night. And it was kind of like that picture perfect of what you see in the movies of like it was only me and her in the restaurant, like we were just having a ball, and we haven't, it's probably only been a couple weeks since we've seen each other, but it was just really like that feeling. I've never had that feeling romantically, like that stayed. I've had maybe like the the first part or whatever. But then once I really get to know the person, I'm like, fuck, I don't really even like you like that. But to have somebody that I've known, I mean, we've been best friends since the seventh grade, but I've known her since kindergarten. And through years and through shit, I can still have that feeling with her. I feel like that's a feeling of being in love. And like to highlight another example, like I have a trip coming up with two of my other best friends, and I'm like so anxious and you know, excited about it. And so to compare, I've never had that feeling.

SPEAKER_02 49:48

That's an interesting one. Because I feel like even with the romantic part, you're gonna have moments, like you said, where you like, I don't want to look at your ass.

SPEAKER_06 49:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:00

But like I think the in-love part is like putting the effort in to try to spark that back up. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, I guess if you didn't, if you just like fuck this motherfucker.

SPEAKER_00 50:12

Yeah, I've never not been able to leave somebody. Maybe that's the way I'll put it.

SPEAKER_05 50:16

Damn. Um go. But to your point, you do you do choose love. Yeah. Love is a choice. That's why I always say that love and law love and loyalty go together.

SPEAKER_06 50:26

They do.

SPEAKER_05 50:26

That's why I always say you can fall out of love. And when you're not in love with that person in that moment, that's when the your loyalty to that person carries you through for not doing the wild, reckless shit, right? So it's not necessary that I don't think it's necessary that that because you're not always gonna feel in love, right? And even I feel like even the the feeling of feeling in love is just like it's just a uh endorphins before that you get at certain times. It's not something that's gonna ride out all the time because when life gets when life gets real and shit and problems come along, nigga, you we the endorphins is like gone. Nigga, I got problems. Like, but my loyalty to to that person will keep me from doing the you know the dumb shit.

SPEAKER_00 51:14

So when you say that to me in my mind, it's like they're two separate things. You could be in love, you could be love, you can love someone. You could choose to love someone, you could be in love with them. Truly being in love is having both. Yeah. Because you have that feeling, but you also have those times where you're making that choice. That choice comes easier because you're in love with them, though.

SPEAKER_05 51:33

Yeah, yeah, I would agree because even in hard times, my thing is I look like this. I feel like you could you can say you you've been in love if that even when things get bad, you still choose that person. Yeah. Like if you feel like I'd rather go through this shit with you than without you, that's how you know, like you really have love for that person.

Teaching Love And Self-Sufficiency

SPEAKER_00 51:50

Yeah, I agree. And I think that why I said it's like a conversation for another day is like I have a strong theory on like um self-respect. And I think that that's all closely related. And even when I may have possibly like lacked self-worth, I still have the self-respect. So I know that what you're doing ain't right. I can't be in love with you, like you ain't shit to me. Like, you know what I mean? And I'm not I'm not accepting the self-worth to remove myself immediately, but the self-respect doesn't allow me to be in love with you because damn, like you really ain't shit.

SPEAKER_05 52:26

But then to that, I also I would say I also feel that when it comes to love, part of being in love and loving someone is accepting some version of their flaws. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:35

Because no one's perfect. I agree, I agree, I agree.

SPEAKER_05 52:39

Yeah, and that's love across the board. That's relationships, friendships. No one, no one's perfect. Everyone, everyone has flaws. We all we're all flawed in some way.

SPEAKER_00 52:46

We are family, all that. All that these teeth.

SPEAKER_01 52:51

I'm uh very open on this podcast and saying that I have uh horrible communication with uh love. But what I will say is uh what I feel it's supposed to be is I do feel like showing up in love is a choice. But I do and uh when I think of the in-love part, it's the the I feel like it's the passion behind it. Uh meaning like like you talk about those those spouts, those random random spouts of uh and endorphins and that feeling all like I'm in like I feel like that's the passion behind it, but that the love part and the action of it is like yeah, like you showing up every day and knowing that you like you said, choosing that person or choosing to understand the riot that's out with that person is like to me it's it's more powerful and like you say, in line with loyalty. Um but like the in-love part is like I said, it feels more like the the passion behind it as far as like you guys said those random, like, oh man, I'm in love.

SPEAKER_05 53:59

I mean, I get it, I get it, because it's different, like because you can't if you get down to the nitty-gritty of things, you can't love everyone the same way because everyone's interpretation of love is different. So what I what I need to feel loved from like my wife is different from what she needs for me to feel loved. Right. And vice versa. What I what what I what I need from a friendship to feel respected might be to be different from what you need, you know. Like some people, some people need motherfuckers to text me every day, and they want to know that we some niggas like nigga, you can text me once a year. I know, we're good.

SPEAKER_04 54:31

That's so true.

SPEAKER_05 54:31

You know what I'm saying? So it's it's it's different, and I think I think part of the love is understanding how the other person needs to be loved and then applying that.

SPEAKER_00 54:39

And that's where people mess up, I think. I mean, we all faulted that because you can love somebody, and and we touched on it, so I'll make it brief. Like the next question was um, can you love someone when you don't like them?

SPEAKER_06 54:52

Nigga, every day, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:56

And I think about my kids when I think about it.

SPEAKER_05 54:59

No, that was my first thought. That was my first thought.

SPEAKER_00 55:02

Because them niggas like, damn.

SPEAKER_05 55:03

That's my first thought. You know, when you when you when you be spending money, you know, fuck, I'm gonna say it. When you spent be spending money on these kids, oh, they already love this, so do you go out and get it, and then they play for with two for two seconds and they don't like nigga numbers just cost me? Like, you know what it took for me to get this? And you playing around like it ain't nothing, or when you pay all this money for them to be in a goddamn sport that they claim they love and they want to go and do some bullshit, like uh, but I love her, but she be pissing me the fuck off. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:31

That is my uh rule I learned from my dad is you have to like, you kind of gotta lay a ground and understand that, like, look, if I do this shit, you gotta there's a timetable on which you can come back to me and say something like when you buy a tour or some shit, don't come to me. Uh tomorrow talking about you, can you get something else? Leave that shit for however long. And then same thing with uh doing activities. Look, this ain't no, you don't get out. There ain't no get out clause. Like you be saying this shit through.

SPEAKER_05 56:00

So we even got the thing where like she, so like there was a time where she would get in trouble with practice, right? And then and I and I knew like she's doing the shit on purpose. She just don't feel like practicing. She wanted to come home. So what I started doing was like, okay, let her sit there, let her ass sit there. And so I would literally just let her sit there for three hours and then come pick her up. I was like, so you're gonna be here. So I taught her, you're gonna be here for three hours regardless. So either you either you're gonna sit over here or you're gonna be practicing. But you're not going home. Yep.

SPEAKER_04 56:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 56:33

Yeah. That's not gonna happen. And then I think the last time that shit happened, my wife, she sat there and then she went home, and then my wife made her practice at home. Oh shit. And she was like, I said, Yeah, I would have stayed there practice because mommy, I was proud of her.

SPEAKER_01 56:49

Like, congratulations, you played yourself. You you know this shit.

SPEAKER_05 56:53

So the way I mean, my wife, she had her doing wall sits, and and and she and the way her she was crying, and I and she was like, If you if stop using your hands, you're gonna start over. And she was meant that shit. I said, nigga, you should have stayed there practice.

SPEAKER_06 57:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 57:08

I said, God damn. So, but it's like, yeah, you can, you can the the the thing is the ones you love are the ones that are the are the always are always the first ones to break you because you have a soft spot for them. So they they always the one that's gonna piss you off first. Because if you didn't love them, you wouldn't care. Yeah, that's so true. You wouldn't, you wouldn't try to make amends. You don't you don't try to make amends for people you don't care about.

SPEAKER_04 57:33

No. Other than that, you play, oh, you mad at me? Okay, good luck, nigga. Yeah, yeah. Let me go do what the fuck I was gonna do anyway. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:40

Or not even like amends too, it's sometimes frustration. Yeah, but you wouldn't feel any of that shit if it's somebody you don't love. Like just wait till wait till she gets older. You're gonna be like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_00 57:51

Yeah. Yeah. I think that teenagers will teach you. I I I always say that like I'm so intrigued by the stage in my life right now of having two teenagers and a toddler.

SPEAKER_05 58:06

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 58:08

That's fucking crazy. Um seriously, it's in an all female, even psycho, but um it's a crazy dynamic because it's it shows me like my day-to-day is so many levels of so much shit. Like, you know, parenting to teenage, and there's so many layers to that. Um teenagers and then also not only teenagers, but teenagers that I was 19 and 20 when I had them. So they've seen me grow up too, you know.

SPEAKER_01 58:44

So you're gonna say not just teenager clones.

SPEAKER_05 58:47

Yeah. Copy, copy, copy a motherfucking paste.

SPEAKER_01 58:52

It's like, oh, that's me at that age.

SPEAKER_05 58:54

That's like that's why when she said, I was like, I said, nigga, them kids got the same daddy, because they all look the same.

SPEAKER_00 59:00

That's what everybody thinks, too.

SPEAKER_05 59:02

Um I I don't believe you. That's what I'm telling you. I don't believe you.

SPEAKER_00 59:07

Shut up.

SPEAKER_05 59:09

I'm telling you, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 59:11

It's actually funny because my older kid's dad, he would love to hear this right now because he would be like, Yeah, shit. I'll like Cory could be my kid too, because I'll be having to calm him down. Like, that's not your kid. No, she can't go with you guys. Why not? I mean No, she does she definitely. I mean, but it's just like it's probably his kid. No, it's not. Let's not do that.

SPEAKER_01 59:31

I think I think she would know. She probably would. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:34

Yeah, there's absolutely no way. I hope she would. There's no way I was married. Whatever. Anywho, what was I talking about? Okay, so yeah, um, having that dynamic, the two teenagers, the five-year-old, the evolution of me, it's just a lot going on there. And there's a high level of entity in my house a lot of the time.

SPEAKER_05 59:56

Um a lot of attitude.

Standards, Valentine’s, And Setting Expectations

SPEAKER_00 59:58

Attitude, and just like like we all have said, like, and I'm grateful that my girls express how they're feeling. You know, they'll talk about things. My, you know, my like my five-year-old wanted to know if she died when she was a baby, you know. That's that's wild. But there's always that. But you know, I I get mad in my kids, and and I still You should have used that to your advantage.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:23

What?

SPEAKER_05 1:00:23

The crying thing to get her to stop crying.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:27

I was like, you know what it's like. I thought about it after. I was like, fuck. Probably was thinking, like, if I keep crying, I'ma die, you know? So, but yeah, I get mad at my kids often, and my kids have shown me, especially my older daughters, um, going back to me saying that I don't feel like I've ever been in love uh romantically. My kids have shown me like what that looks like, you know, like on the days of how they say, like, you're not supposed to go to bed mad, right? I might have cussed you out, but I'm gonna still That's bullshit. No, I'll go to the case. I will still I'm conscious of that. Like, I'll go to sleep and unless it was just really like a horrible thing, but uh, I'll go to sleep and I'll make sure I love you. Like, you know what I mean? I do know the type of thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:10

I love you and be mad.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:13

No, no, seriously.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:14

Fucking love you, but leave me the fuck alone.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:18

I can go to sleep.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:20

They've shown me to show up and choose to love even when I'm angry or whatever the case may be. Yeah. Oh yeah. So do you guys think that love can be taught? That's the last question.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:35

Yeah, that's what you're doing every day with your kids and with your wife.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:39

You are the example. You are you whether you whether you're setting a good example or a bad example, you're setting the example that your kids will now you gotta teach some other stuff too, though.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:46

Well, yeah. No, no, I can't. No, that's not gonna walk you down the aisle.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:54

No, but like that that's don't. I've been dealing with that all my with her.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:58

That's like that's not a thing.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:00

She was like, Mom, like, he's your husband, but he's like, my husband too. Like, no, my husband, I'm your father. I'm your father, you know. But I mean, that the I feel like I'm doing a good job because she asked, she was like, Mom, can you help me find a man like dad when I get older? I was like, I was okay. Yeah, I said that was on the day she liked me. Yeah, yeah. On the day she don't like me.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:23

Oh, yeah. I don't want nothing like my dad.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:26

Before you guys came over, my husband will never tell me no. I was like, What's up with you? She's like, You. Okay. You can stay up here.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:37

What's your problem?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:38

You the problem. You the problem. Yeah, all that's just teaching, though. As long as you still show up and like do everything and show them, then they see what they should be receiving in life.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:52

So I think like I think you're whoever, I think it was you that said, like, like they're the the traumas, it's passed down. Like so they're they they just repeat what they seen until you get to a point to where you find someone who goes the opposite way. So you are like I said, whether you're a good example or a bad example, you still be you're still the example they have.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:10

Yeah. I think that um as the example that presents itself in my house because there's lack of relationship, um, obviously, I have to kind of show self-love. Like, you know, as that has to be like the like the first and foremost example of what love looks like. But then I also have to, I'm grateful, like I like that's why everything is a lesson, but I'm grateful for being able to also display what going through a not so good relationship looks like and a divorce and coming out of it and not being a, you know, all these men are gonna treat you bad. Like not giving that. Like I'm very mindful of that. And I think that it makes me have to be a little bit more um, well, I won't say more, because even in your in your relationships, you still have to display a certain thing. Um, so me being single, I have to display what like integrity looks like and you know what it would look like to have someone in my life and and not just show them like, oh, you don't need a man, but if something breaks, you need to go know how to go grab a tool, also, you know. So that's kind of how I like to show you. That tool can be a man.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:27

True. Well, I always get I don't want I don't want them to fall into the because you've seen the the pitfalls of where women can't do anything for themselves. And it's like that's the thing where I'm like, you watch a woman go into a thing where okay, so you're gonna stay in this abusive relationship because you can't handle anything on your own. So it's like that's the thing I always worry about because I'm like, I don't want them to fall into that shit. So it's like, oh no, like I want you to, well, yeah, it'd be a dead nigga, but like you get what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:01

I really don't want me to go to jail, is what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:03

You're you're in Kevin McEx say he's gonna die. Yeah, I'm to the best of my ability.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:09

Yeah, he was dead serious too.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:11

So it's yeah, and I felt that. It's one of those.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:13

Yeah, yeah. But I think you do have to be creative because you're right, you also don't want a damsel in distress. I'm very big on that. Like, we fuck that. We're gonna figure some shit out around here. Like, you know, because at the end of the day, but also I don't want you to feel like you don't need a man. We need a man. Like, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:31

Like, I am I don't big at what's one don't need a man. What was the no?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:37

I'm staying in my home.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:38

Oh, oh, yeah, I don't.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:39

Come on now.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:40

But and it's I'll take one and pay the bills, but I don't need one.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:44

Even if dad You gonna help me split this?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:49

No, I don't take one.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:51

But I think here's we got a couple good examples of me being. At work when I was working at Knott's, I was going to work. I used to leave the house at two in the morning. I remember being at the gas station, and this one girl, she was like probably like 19, I guess. But she had the nails like she couldn't put her card in the thing. And she walked over to me and said, Could you help me put my card in here? I was like, bitch, just three in the morning. Like you do not yours. Like, that's why I was just like, in my head, I was like, oh, I would be pissed off if I found out that my daughter went up to a strange man in the parking lot because she couldn't put her fucking card in the machine. Yeah. And then the other example was at work in Long Beach. There was a girl and a young boy. They were both young, and the tire was flat. And then she walked over to me and was like, Can you change my tire?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:44

And I looked and I was like, Well, ain't there a nigga standing right there?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:50

Jesus. It was like that's the whole thing of both worlds, where it's like, I agree.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:55

So choose wisely.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:56

Like, don't do this shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:58

Like, you don't need a man, but if you got a man there and the nigga can't change the tire.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:05

Is he a man?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:06

Think it through. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:08

Uh I I was like, what what we do is like, pretty much my wife teaches her, like, what to be she teaches her to be self-sufficient. But when there is a man around, like my wife always says, when my husband around, my wrists, my wrists are broken. And she she falls that shit to the T.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:23

She don't do shit when I'm around.

unknown 1:07:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:25

So but again, like that's part of the role I've accepted. Because again, like I always say, nigga, I don't clean shit. So I'm I'm gonna do my I do my part, she do her part.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:35

I mean shit. Like if I gotta carry these bags upstairs, but I ain't gotta clean a bathroom.

unknown 1:07:40

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:40

But it can be challenging in teaching that because again, like if you have to, you don't want to create a damsel in distress. No, don't. You don't.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:49

And and I think that that's I want to create a goddamn thug.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:52

A big thing for men rock and a good dad.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:56

I was gonna say young be careful, be careful, because you might get young MA.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:05

That's not true. Or broke or broke, really. What up, dad? Oh shit.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:13

What up, my lion, my young nigga. Young lion.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:17

Um I'll say yes, you can teach love because I'm learning that shit every day.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:25

For myself. So and I learned that especially through my kids, and and trying to make sure that they don't fall suit to what I'm I'm still learning right now. So yes, I that's a brief straight yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:38

Yeah, yeah. We have to teach love to you.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:40

Well, like the things you say you do, it's like that's teaching it. You know, y'all make sure to tell them every day and do all these things. Like we see you at the park and all that stuff. So yeah, that's teaching it. That's a through actions. Like you're a lot of guys. You said they tried to kill you.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:54

Andreas got really good at swinging that bat. And he kept saying, Dad, why are you flushing? I'm not trying to die today. What kind of bat you be taking? It's just the little what the the the wall. Whiffle ball, wiffle ball, right? I thought you was out there with the wave. They it's like he's aiming. I'm like, dude, I've shown you how to swing, and you seem like you're swinging, like where he's swinging with the one arm to try to like aim it directly up.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:17

He's trying to bury bonds and shit.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:18

I mean, if he gets you every time, you might have to. Hey, look, you got really good aim. We're gonna put your ass.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:27

That's funny.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:29

I'm learning.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:30

Yeah, okay. Well, uh, I'm gonna leave you guys with a quote.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:34

Uh uh. Okay. Rumazoom zoom.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:38

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved, love for ourselves, or rather, in spite of ourselves. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:53

That's what's up. That's what's up. Love is a drug.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:55

Love is a drug?

SPEAKER_01 1:09:56

Can you give her a gunshot for these cards? Oh, okay. Hold on. She came up with this idea, and I look at her.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:13

Oh, I got the switch.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:15

I'm gonna be annoying, but I'm gonna I'ma say what made me. I mean, all the podcasts have these, but where it really came to me like, I need to get some of those. Um, I was watching Cam Newton.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:28

I'll turn this shit off.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:29

No, stop. I was watching his podcast.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:36

And he fucked up. We was doing good. And he bought him Cameron.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:43

I know. And mind you, all of okay, I'll I'll use another example. I'll never I'll use another example. I'll also watch Angie Martinez's. I'll take that, Hell. Okay. And so I it just came to me like I was like, damn, they always have their questions here. Like, you know what I mean? And then so I was like, that'll be pretty cool.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:01

Well, next week I'm coming in a bow tie and a motherfucker feather head.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:06

Oh, please don't do that. That nigga is annoying.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:11

Fuck with Cam. Tell me more.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:13

So yeah, guys. Like, comment, subscribe. When you comment, say we don't want her to host ever again. No, that's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:24

This was a good idea.

Closing Reflections And Sign-Off

SPEAKER_00 1:11:25

Like, she's I didn't want to do the love episode and love and be yeah, I'm glad you brought that up. Love and be loved.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:31

Valentine's Day is uh scam days. It is a fucking scam.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:37

Don't listen to them. It's definitely a scam, but love and be loved. I will say that. Can I close on this?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:44

Like I ask you guys this because I saw this on the the book, and they were talking about some lady was like, I think it's weird that people buy their kids gifts and stuff on Valentine's Day. Like, that's not what kind of weird ass shit is this? And I'm like, that's coming from some visual. Ain't never got nothing from a daddy.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:03

People project. Yeah, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:05

I say that's weird because as a father, I need to set the standards what she's supposed to expect. But I'm not around.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:11

Period. My parents didn't do that.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:13

Oh, to say that? No, no, no, no. As far as showing. Because I asked her to, I asked her, I asked me, can you mean about my Valentine's? I hand her some chocolate and a little candy and all that shit. And I got her, you know, she's gonna get she's gonna get a she's gonna have a basket.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:25

I got a basket for yeah, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:29

They're gonna get some uh trying to uh appease my good side. Uh I will not uh turn down any bear bells bar, chocolate bars for Valentine's Day.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:43

Don't buy me nothing for Valentine's Day. Get me top Golf cards. Why not? You know what? I had a very strange experience last year where this guy bought me a very beautiful bouquet of flowers. They were gorgeous, right? Um, we had been talking for a little while. I was somewhat interested. But when he bought that, I think he thought that turned shit up a notch. Like, oh yeah, this she's about to. I don't give a fuck about your little three dozens of roses. Like, I loved them. I was not like that, not like that, not like that, not like that. Not like that, not like that. Not like that. Damn, this has been uh leaving. They were beautiful. I don't mean it like that. I don't now owe you more of my own. Oh no, no, no, that's what I'm saying. Okay, but and that was the tone of things. It was like, okay, we've been dating and you you're letting you're letting things transpire like how they're supposed to, and that's what we're doing. But once I got them bouquet, that bouquet, he was just like, oh, so uh like now, you know, it was just all this talk of more seriousness, and I'm like, hold up. Like, you don't get to do that now that you've given me something. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:45

What if he was just trying to like, what if he had said goals in his mind, you were trying to speed the time around?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:49

He probably was, but I wasn't at that level of interest yet. That's a whole nother episode. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:54

I don't think it used to be that nigga, but now I couldn't even imagine that. I'm like, I ain't buying you a mug. We go to Applebee's and get some fucking Bahama mamas and a triple dipper.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:07

Yeah, he left me alone shortly after that.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:10

Peace. Y'all send her some flowers. Please.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:17

That's right, you know. That's that's how she wrote. So make sure, click like, subscribe, tune in. We're on our room platform. So until next time. Well, hi at you.