Baldy Locks & The 3 Hairs

Grieving Out Loud: Loss, Identity, and Black Maternal Health

This week on The Heavyweight Podcast, we talk about the weight of grief—from the pain of repeated pregnancy loss to the struggle of finding yourself after the death of a parent. We also open up about childhood trauma, broken friendships, and the parts of ourselves we lose along the way.

Our conversation highlights how Black women face reproductive trauma, often without proper medical support. We also dive into how society’s phrases around grief—though well-meaning—can miss the mark. This episode is honest, emotional, and meant for anyone navigating loss or trying to support someone who is.

Thanks for tapping in with The Heavyweight Collective!
Make sure you follow, subscribe, and share with someone who needs this convo. Catch us on all socials for clips, updates, and more behind the mic. https://linktr.ee/TheHeavyweightPodcast

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Heavyweight Podcast
• 7:03 Catching Up After Time Apart
• 16:55 Rapid Fire Questions
• 27:45 Dealing With Significant Loss
• 39:23 Lost Friendships That Mattered
• 45:06 Balancing Grief While Moving Forward
• 49:22 Advice for Those Struggling With Loss
• 54:40 Final Words of Encouragement

Transcript

Introduction to Heavyweight Podcast

SPEAKER_05 0:00

Welcome to the Heavyweight Podcast.

SPEAKER_02 0:04

The message behind saying the title of the Heavyweight Podcast is to be able to say that we can we can weigh in some heavy shit. What we're talking about is important from every aspect of it. It's a heavy weight. It's not just about physical weight, but the weight of things that that can weigh our minds. So I think it's dope that we can have this conversation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 0:30

That kind of is upsetting.

SPEAKER_07 0:32

It's like you can't process it. You coughing, she choking? I I can't breathe with the machine on. Like I it's I can't take in that much air that fell. Oh fuck. All right.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

This is moving off the rails, whatever.

SPEAKER_07 0:46

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 0:47

I kept thinking I was like, this is gonna just turn into a pause worthy moment. I'm just gonna shut up. I'm just gonna be quiet.

SPEAKER_03 0:54

It's gonna make it's gonna make the episode, that's for sure. You can't take in what?

SPEAKER_04 1:00

Shut the fuck.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

What can't you take in? You struggling with taking this home? This is a safe place.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

I don't I would, I just welcome back.

SPEAKER_03 1:13

Everyone's safe.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Welcome back.

SPEAKER_03 1:15

This is safe.

SPEAKER_05 1:17

You already like negative minutes in, and you know sorry.

SPEAKER_04 1:23

We just hold on. You know what?

SPEAKER_03 1:26

What? You okay?

SPEAKER_04 1:27

Yeah, I'm fine. You sure? All right.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

Do what you do.

SPEAKER_03 1:33

Take it all in.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

Do it, lady.

SPEAKER_07 1:38

What's up, everybody? Welcome back to another amazing episode of the Heavyweight Podcast.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Yay, yay!

SPEAKER_07 1:44

I am your host, Desda Diva, and I'm here with my three amazing favorite people ever. Um, it's been a minute. Definitely missed all of you guys.

SPEAKER_05 1:53

We missed you.

SPEAKER_07 1:55

He definitely missed you. You're gonna have to be quiet, bro. I tell these people you love me. You could tell them whatever you want to tell him. He does. He does. Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 2:04

Loving and being supportive is two different things. Introduce yourselves, please. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_07 2:08

I ain't doing it with you today.

SPEAKER_04 2:09

I was making business.

SPEAKER_07 2:10

I'm out you interview you. I'm not in the closet. He's in the love, Des Diva closet. No, I'm not. Yes. No, Kevin.

SPEAKER_05 2:20

In the closet? Are you trapped in it? I'm not. I'm not. I don't know where she got this shit from.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

You got your good. I was just trying to be supportive of her and her situation.

SPEAKER_04 2:34

That's it. He definitely let me know that we are family. We're not family. You're lying. She's trying to take my cousin. This is cute. That's my cousin.

SPEAKER_07 2:41

That's my cousin.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

Ask him. You sing it like Randy Watson?

SPEAKER_07 2:45

Ask him. That's my cousin.

SPEAKER_02 2:47

You sing it like Randy Watson?

SPEAKER_07 2:48

We uh no, no, you don't.

SPEAKER_02 2:51

No.

SPEAKER_03 2:51

I do old school Randy.

SPEAKER_07 2:53

He's like, okay. I I was I was weary if we were family. And then I talked to your wife and I was like, we family.

SPEAKER_06 3:00

I want to talk to everybody. He wasn't weary.

SPEAKER_07 3:03

We family.

SPEAKER_03 3:03

Walking around all that ham in them pants.

SPEAKER_07 3:06

How the fuck did we get here? Introduce yourself.

SPEAKER_05 3:09

It's pretty impressive with that.

SPEAKER_07 3:10

Because I was it's me.

SPEAKER_05 3:15

Positivity. Positivity.

SPEAKER_03 3:17

I'm positively positively introduce yourself, please.

SPEAKER_04 3:20

That's his name.

SPEAKER_05 3:21

Positivity. He's been positivity for the past three weeks. The name's been that, but right.

SPEAKER_07 3:28

But the vibe, uh I'll be I'll just be limp biscuit. Get the fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_06 3:35

I don't even want to look at you.

SPEAKER_02 3:37

Call me Coke line McFly. Coke line. Oak line.

SPEAKER_07 3:40

And why are we calling you that?

SPEAKER_02 3:41

Is that blue magic? Could you ask me uh how I got so much weight off of me so fast? Uh do a line, a line of Coke a day.

SPEAKER_03 3:48

Is it blue magic? Is that top quality shit? Blue magic? My man. Yes, we're talking about these niggas is slow. If I can eat 10%, if I can eat 10% tango, that's my profit.

SPEAKER_07 3:58

I ain't even been back five minutes, y'all, and I need somebody to already come and save me. How was y'all weeks?

SPEAKER_02 4:02

That wasn't cocaine.

SPEAKER_07 4:04

Nope.

SPEAKER_02 4:04

That was yeah, that was heroin.

SPEAKER_07 4:07

You trying to not out. You trying to not out. I'm not dealing with you.

SPEAKER_02 4:12

I didn't want I see asked what I was blue magic, so I was just like, hey, my man. I'll tell you the most.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Hold on, hold on.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

I was watching. This is funny. Sorry, no. I was watching an intervention with my wife, and this one chick, she was in Canada. She took fennel as a downer. Oh. But then when she felt herself going down, then she would smoke crack to pick up. Wow. Said, damn. Wow. Hello.

SPEAKER_07 4:36

She said, oh, this too down. Give me the crack. That's crazy. I said, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:41

Imagine how that like.

SPEAKER_07 4:42

Did she go to the rehab? Because baby.

SPEAKER_03 4:44

I thought that monitor would go just. Oh no, she started selling drugs to pay for her habit.

SPEAKER_07 4:48

What?

SPEAKER_05 4:50

Never mind. I was like, she got a whole ass.

SPEAKER_03 4:55

No, she didn't. My week was uh my week was uh it's fine. Nothing important happened. Got through. You know, it was a tough week. It is what it is. Life is life.

SPEAKER_05 5:10

Limpizky. Let's move on. Um week good daughters, Val's birthday today.

SPEAKER_07 5:15

So happy birthday, Val.

SPEAKER_05 5:18

Other than that, uh yeah, made some spaghetti and shit. And the sauce, your favorite shit from scratch. This nigga over here playing with noodles.

SPEAKER_07 5:28

And the sauce was from scratch. What?

SPEAKER_05 5:30

Playing with noodles.

SPEAKER_07 5:31

And the sauce was from scratch.

SPEAKER_05 5:32

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 5:33

Yes, definitely. And Val was driving.

SPEAKER_05 5:36

And the meatballs, too.

SPEAKER_07 5:37

And what's wrong, dude?

SPEAKER_05 5:43

Use that.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

What's wrong, dude? Y'all get on my nerve.

SPEAKER_07 5:46

I use that chuck. I'm like the meatballs. Awake enough for the shit y'all finna put me through. Study, you give it. You looked away quick.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

You said the emphasis on the balls just made me uncomfortable. I wasn't gonna look in that direction. I mean, they're made of meat. I get that, but you put the emphasis on balls and it was looking in our direction. I had to look away.

SPEAKER_07 6:11

And how was your week?

SPEAKER_02 6:12

It was cool. Um, I worked a lot. Did a broke nigga say something?

SPEAKER_07 6:16

Okay.

Catching Up After Time Apart

SPEAKER_02 6:17

Uh probably. I don't know. I don't pay attention. Um, but I I I've been uh tracking this whole whole knowing uh this uh this actor that that goes to to to uh school pickup and he's uh uh actor was funny as I would see him for like over a year, and I was like, this motherfucker looks familiar. He looks super familiar. And then I was like, I don't know why. I I feel like I know I've seen him somewhere, and then I was watching uh The Accountant 2 and he was in a scene and I was like I'm pretty sure I've seen this motherfucker somewhere, right? And I looked in the IMBD, and sure enough, uh I was chopping it up with him, and uh he told me his name, and I was like, it is him, and then I I saw his Instagram and Yeah, it's him.

SPEAKER_07 7:10

And then and then I you need to ask him to be on the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 7:13

I I don't he doesn't know that I know he's an actor.

SPEAKER_07 7:16

You want me to come up there and ask him? That would be weird. Yeah, that would be mad weird. He'd be like, hey, uh look, I'll come right on up to it.

SPEAKER_02 7:23

I thought we were friends, man. And this is how you you get you got somebody randomly coming up to me to do a podcast with.

SPEAKER_07 7:29

If you watch the podcast, you're gonna.

SPEAKER_03 7:30

How are you friends since y'all been into each other's house?

SPEAKER_02 7:33

He was up the street, but I'm not. Yeah, you guys, you know what he means.

SPEAKER_05 7:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:38

You know.

SPEAKER_05 7:38

The dad friends at the He's a dad to drop a pickup, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:41

Yeah, you do the pickup. Because there's some niggas you ain't gonna talk to. He also is in a movie with Eddie Murphy that's also on Amazon.

SPEAKER_04 7:48

Okay, I do like Eddie Murphy.

SPEAKER_02 7:49

A newer one or a yeah, Candy Kane Lane.

SPEAKER_04 7:51

Oh, okay. What the fuck is that about?

SPEAKER_02 7:52

He played one of the neighbors.

SPEAKER_04 7:53

It's all candy cane.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

I don't know that one.

SPEAKER_04 7:55

It's a Christmas movie.

SPEAKER_02 7:56

It's a Christmas movie, yeah. That's just making it where we can figure this out, huh? Yeah, essentially. He did uh the Bernie Mac show. He played one of Bernie Mac's friends. Um I think.

SPEAKER_07 8:08

You know his name? Bernie Mac. How was your weekday?

SPEAKER_02 8:09

Yeah, I know his name. I'm not saying it though. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 8:12

Um, life's been kicking my ass lately. Um, I'm probably gonna tell you guys on this episode where I've been, but you took all in? But and I didn't really post it because I didn't take a lot of videos, but y'all, I seen Christopher Maurice Brown. I saw.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

Yeah, we know.

SPEAKER_07 8:32

Oh my god. Afton took me. Oh my god. Yeah, I saw you was with Miss Attitude. Leave Afton alone. Okay. I saw you. That girl been supporting the shit out of me. You leave her alone. That's good for me. Okay. Um, she only gives you an attitude when it's worn ticket.

SPEAKER_03 8:47

That's what she tells you.

SPEAKER_07 8:48

Okay, she ain't gave me no attitude. The footage says differently. She don't give me an attitude. Oh, okay. I do know who that is. I do okay, okay.

unknown 8:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 8:59

Um, Chris Brown uh came and left it all in Los Angeles, California. Baby, he don't owe us a damn thing. That man is so fan. Lord have mercy on my soul. Okay, highlight of my damn last couple of weeks, because my last couple of weeks have been crazy as hell. But boy, boy, boy, that Chris Brown boy. Jesus. And it was crazy because I forget that he's our age, like he's close to our age. So it was like grandma's there. It was like, but like in crop tops and booty shorts. And I was like, You need to have it for me. What?

SPEAKER_05 9:34

Well, I mean, when you say grandmas, I mean like they was like our age.

SPEAKER_07 9:40

No, but it was like, no, but it was like generations of like you'll see a family and you'll see like the grandma, the mama, the little kid. They had a toddler. All of them had on crop tops and booty shorts. That nigga is my he was going to be. Yeah, he's your your own. Yeah, you're like what's you 30-something? 37. I'm 38. So yes, y'all about the same age, yes.

SPEAKER_02 10:01

I was so confused that you asked me what my my weight loss regimen was, and you have the source.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 10:06

He is definitely oh, oh. We didn't get close enough for me to get on the weight loss plan. Okay, we didn't know.

SPEAKER_05 10:13

Oh, he didn't call you on stage.

SPEAKER_07 10:15

If Chris Brown caught me on that motherfucking stage, I swear to God, uh y'all would know. It'll be on the news. And he was flying in the air, baby, and I said, Lord, if this man get close enough for me to snatch these damn feet, y'all. Did you say sugar booger?

SPEAKER_05 10:36

Oh Lord.

SPEAKER_07 10:39

Listen, he for the amount of, first of all, for the amount of songs he sang. Well, yeah, he's on never mind. Because god damn, he I at some point I did get tired. I was like, listen, Afton, do you like these lyric or the list, bitch? Do you like these damn songs? Because I'm fucking tired. Um, and for the amount of gyrating he does on the stage, he needs to be on something. Yeah, he probably is a blow. He got oh god, I don't know. I am tired of you. But it's something, something.

SPEAKER_05 11:09

It's something.

SPEAKER_07 11:11

Whatever. I love him. He did a great job. Um, super fabulous. I'm super glad glad that I got to see his music, it's phenomenal. He is an amazing artist. Um, it was still a whole lot of old people there. And I mean, like, bitches on walkers and fucking crop tops and asses out. And I was just like, why the fuck are you on a walker with me? Your fucking depan is out.

SPEAKER_05 11:33

Damn.

SPEAKER_07 11:34

Like, why is your depan hanging out the bottom of your fucking shorts? This shit is funny. When they competition dancing, you seem like you're a little bitter. I was I fuck no. Because of Chris, let me tell you something.

SPEAKER_05 11:43

I really hope that's satire. Because that upsets me if there's somebody with their diapers out. I guess it all depends.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 11:52

I'm trying to tell you. But I am just I want to I am just repeating to you what I saw in attendance, okay? And the men who took their girls to see him, you could just tell that they was there just to make sure that you didn't take your ass on stage.

SPEAKER_03 12:10

I would have been, I wouldn't have a fucking singer.

SPEAKER_07 12:12

It was a masculine couple next to me, and I promise you that nigga was like, hey, hey, hey, fool, hey, you don't need to yell that loud, okay? Sing the song fucking regular. You don't need to be yelling. And I was like, well, bitch, Maria, you better calm it down because Wow.

SPEAKER_03 12:26

See?

SPEAKER_04 12:26

See? But I was bad, huh? Huh? But I was bad. Where's Juan at, huh?

SPEAKER_07 12:32

That's who was with Maria. See?

SPEAKER_02 12:36

Juana Maria made made a comeback. Listen. It went from Molethal to Dez. From the soccer field to the Chris Brown concert.

SPEAKER_06 12:45

Listen.

SPEAKER_04 12:45

Listen, okay?

SPEAKER_02 12:46

You were listening a while. You'll get the reference.

SPEAKER_07 12:50

But I I definitely um had a good time. That was a highlight of my last couple of weeks because it's been crazy. But uh let's move on to the rapid fire. Um, I'm gonna ask you guys six quick questions so y'all can give me the quick answer. I believe that's how we do that. Um, what is your guilty pleasure food?

SPEAKER_03 13:08

Oreos. Skunk.

SPEAKER_07 13:12

Excuse me.

SPEAKER_05 13:13

Skunk weed. Damn. That's your guilty pleasure food.

SPEAKER_07 13:16

What the fuck is that?

SPEAKER_05 13:18

Weed?

SPEAKER_07 13:18

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 13:20

It makes some cookies. Shut the fuck.

SPEAKER_07 13:23

What shores make fun?

SPEAKER_02 13:25

Pizza.

SPEAKER_07 13:26

What kind of pizza?

SPEAKER_00 13:27

Guilty pleasure?

SPEAKER_02 13:28

Uh, or world pepperoni pizza. Fine. Where is that? Is it the pepperoni that curls up?

SPEAKER_05 13:34

Okay. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_07 13:35

I thought that sounds good.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

Those are the crispy ones, too? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 13:39

All of it's mine. I shouldn't be eating none of that shit. Every fucking thing you put in front of me is a goddamn guilty pleasure. Food in fucking general. My fat ass don't need to be eating none of that shit, and I eat all of it. So there you go. All of it's mine. Um, if you had to delete every app except for three, what three would you keep? Yep, come on.

SPEAKER_05 13:56

Oh, mine are terrible.

SPEAKER_07 13:57

Whatever the fuck you're thinking, you hold it in. Okay. Thank you very much. Okay. You hold it in. You, what are your apps? If it's fucking porn hub niggas, you just do not. That's a website.

SPEAKER_05 14:12

Everybody knows that.

SPEAKER_07 14:13

I don't look at porn, so I do not know.

SPEAKER_05 14:15

Well, now you know.

SPEAKER_07 14:17

I don't. It's fucking boring. I be up there trying to figure out what I'm saying. Well, you watching the wrong porn. Because why these hoes' hair don't be nothing right? That should be pissing me off. You watching for the hair?

SPEAKER_02 14:26

We're looking at the wrong hair. Yeah, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_05 14:30

Talking about the net the dugout.

SPEAKER_06 14:35

I don't like you niggas. Like I can't.

SPEAKER_05 14:42

I'll go, I'll go solitaire. Damn. Yep, I'm keeping my solitaire. Uh I like the gram. The gram is a good connection. No, I'm taking the gram off TikTok. And uh, what's the other one where you uh because you have to have an app for the messaging.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

What's that?

SPEAKER_05 15:04

No, the uh just messenger. The messenger.

SPEAKER_03 15:06

It's just called Messenger. No, I don't give up on that. I'm gonna keep Chad G, uh, keep the Chad G PT. I'm keep my banking app to make sure I ain't broke. Yeah. Yeah. And probably if I have to go social media, I'm gonna go Instagram.

SPEAKER_04 15:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:22

Oh yeah, you know what? You're right. It'll be yeah, my what he said, the banking app, Reddit, and um Reddit was number four.

SPEAKER_07 15:30

That's a good one. The banking app, Reddit, and what?

SPEAKER_02 15:34

And uh IG.

SPEAKER_07 15:35

I'm gonna go um uh ChatGPT, Instagram, and she in. Oh no, Fashion Over. Oh shit. Fashion over.

unknown 15:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 15:46

Why the fuck are y'all looking at me like that? I didn't know these were that was an app. I have to be cute.

SPEAKER_03 15:52

Okay, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_07 15:54

Uh would you rather make unlimited money or can I change my answer? Sure.

SPEAKER_03 15:58

I uh I'm gonna I'm gonna drop the banking app and just put the web browser that way I can.

SPEAKER_07 16:04

So you can have all of it. Okay. That was smart. That was smart. That was smart. Would you rather have unlimited money or unlimited time? Time.

SPEAKER_05 16:14

Yeah, time because you can make the money, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 16:17

Time time for sure. Time for sure. Uh, what's the worst fashion choice you ever made? Don't nobody fucking answer for me. And I'm gonna put that off. Let me put that fucking disclaimer. When I read this, uh, when I said that I said I said he is trying to set me up. Hey, hey, hey. Don't nobody answer. Don't nobody make no answer. Don't say your answer and then say, but Desray, you wore this because the two of you.

SPEAKER_05 16:40

Was that that wasn't in your heart when you wrote that? No. No, that was him.

Rapid Fire Questions

SPEAKER_07 16:44

This is him. Yeah, that was only what I get watching. I don't think that went about me. This nigga wrote it. So that's why I was like, oh, okay, hold on. Understandable. I know you wouldn't do me like that. I know you asked, though. Don't you answer for me? Go ahead.

SPEAKER_05 17:01

Uh I got several, so I'm gonna just go with my S curl. Oh, yeah, that's a bad one, too.

SPEAKER_03 17:08

No, we don't have a picture of that.

SPEAKER_05 17:10

You know what? I'm gonna go in that vein. It was the when I did braids, did French braids, that was bad.

SPEAKER_07 17:16

You don't have a picture?

SPEAKER_05 17:18

That shit was bad. They were so tight, it was bad.

SPEAKER_07 17:21

I feel like we should post pictures of these things. Yeah. Anything.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

Yeah, it would be the faux hawk for me.

SPEAKER_04 17:30

Well, I gotta I gonna like that one to look good.

SPEAKER_02 17:33

He didn't like it. I didn't like it. And the cuckoo cow sweater from high school.

SPEAKER_04 17:37

What the fuck is that?

SPEAKER_02 17:40

Motherfucker used to always say cuckoo cow, because I always wore the sweater.

SPEAKER_07 17:43

So get the fuck out of town. That's like no, I ain't gonna say that.

SPEAKER_02 17:50

This nigga's always in that sweater. I was like, oh.

SPEAKER_07 17:53

You went to North all four years? Look at the three. Do you remember?

unknown 17:56

Jeez.

SPEAKER_07 17:57

Why are you whispering? And he used to have one of Bill Cosby sweaters.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 18:01

And they used to be like, with the Bill Cosby sweater. Oh God, that shit used to crack me the fuck out. I still love him, but still.

SPEAKER_02 18:07

Me? I'm being triggered.

SPEAKER_07 18:08

Yeah, I don't have bad fashion moments.

SPEAKER_02 18:11

Shit.

SPEAKER_07 18:11

You're right.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

You're right.

SPEAKER_05 18:12

Always always on point.

SPEAKER_07 18:14

I don't have bad fashion moments. How much time do you got? I don't. I don't. Okay. But the only thing I can think that might have been like a bad fashion, like small era for me, was when I lived in Virginia and I started looking like country meats. I couldn't figure my style out. Before I couldn't figure my style out. Those were like my bad fashion moments. But once I got a hold of it, baby, because I don't care what y'all say about my shoes. The touch, the feel. I don't care what y'all say about my shoes. They eat every time. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 18:48

But we know it has to be fed.

SPEAKER_05 19:01

You know what? I think one of them too, I had I won out it with a two-tone. Like I had a shirt on, two shirts, and one of them I cut the sleeve off. Damn. And I remember somebody's like, I love how you don't give a fuck. And I'm like, if somebody says that, that you can't do it. Yeah, well, somebody said they love that you didn't know.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

Like, that's not enough. That should go change shit.

SPEAKER_07 19:26

Yeah. Yeah. I definitely just, yeah, I don't have bad fashion moments. I I don't.

SPEAKER_03 19:32

There was this uh South Pole shirt I wore too long, too.

SPEAKER_07 19:35

You wore it too long?

SPEAKER_03 19:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 19:36

It started wearing you.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

Oh my god. Was it white? You remember the Fukuo era where they were trying to see who had real foo or not?

SPEAKER_07 19:43

Yeah.

unknown 19:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

Based on how the foo looked. Because it could say boo-foo.

SPEAKER_07 19:48

And now the shit you can buy it off Walmart. So there you go. So there y'all go.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

That's not as bad as when they wear their pants inside out so they can see it when the pockets had to design them inside.

SPEAKER_02 19:57

I never did that one.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Who the fuck did that?

SPEAKER_02 20:00

The closest thing I had that was a vocal pants. Wow, that's Nelly shit, right? Yeah, yeah. I was uh St. Louis all day.

SPEAKER_07 20:08

I was funny looking in school. So that's probably welcome back.

SPEAKER_03 20:17

She said she's going to school to get be a therapist. In in school, I was funny looking. She's supposed to just take insult? Right.

SPEAKER_07 20:24

Well, I'm saying she's still in school. I was funny looking in high school, junior high school, because I was still figuring out my fashion, what my version of fashion was. Okay. Hey, when you find it, let us know. Oh my god. I know you did it. You know. I mean, as long as you went out there with it. And every time somebody asks me something about these two, I'll always be like, Kevin is so nice. He doesn't be doing that shit to me. McFly do it on the sly, and then I be thinking that I'm laughing, and then I'll be like, hold on, I'm laughing at myself because McFly just made a joke and the shit was about me. This nigga is bold about it, but I'm always like, nigga, yes, you do. But I'm always like, Kevin's so sweet. And then you then hear you with the bullshit.

SPEAKER_03 21:07

He said you was in like his logic makes sense. Hold on. Would you walk around with with the with the the struggle tail?

SPEAKER_07 21:13

The fuck is that?

SPEAKER_03 21:14

You know when they barely got that 122. Oh no, I have long hair. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_07 21:18

Y'all need me to y'all need me to come back. Y'all remember how long my locks were? And I combed them out. My hair's long. Not to ask the question, nigga. You ain't got a proof. Yeah, no, I ain't never been. No. No, no, no. You was playing. Okay. Okay. In the seventh grade. Okay. Now this what used to trigger me, but this is true. In the seventh grade, I my hair got cut. I don't want to want to say why it got cut, but it got cut. And it was, I had like a short. I had no nigga. And I had like a short, like. No, nigga. It was traumatizing why it got cut. I'll tell you off camera. And I had like a short, like little like monica cut. And the kids at school used to call me Body Locks and the Three Hairs. And that shit. I was inquiring. I walked in one day. Them niggas was like, booth, both, both, both.

SPEAKER_05 22:04

Oh Lord. That's fucked up. Like, fuck y'all. On key?

SPEAKER_07 22:16

I said, fuck all of y'all. But that Baldy Lock said the three hair shit, huh? Fucking hilarious in my adult fucking life. But as a child, it was fucking trauma traumatizing. That was probably when I was like looking crazy the most. But I'm cute, so I don't know what to tell y'all. What song always gets you guys hyped no matter what?

SPEAKER_03 22:36

I gotta listen.

SPEAKER_02 22:36

Yeah, seeing it all, uh young Jay Z and Jay-Z always hypes me up. I feel like I'm a drug dealer at that point.

SPEAKER_03 22:42

I'm is that where you get the Coke from? Mm-hmm. Okay. Just selling that.

SPEAKER_02 22:47

If you listen to enough Jay-Z or Push Your T.

SPEAKER_05 22:49

Definitely push it. Well, they now I feel like if I listen to them, I'm like, just opulence. Like, well, I sold it all, nigga. Like this is uh, I don't remember her name. Stereo Love. Yeah, that's my shit. You guys know that song. I do not.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

No. I yeah, you know it.

SPEAKER_05 23:17

When you hear it, you know it.

SPEAKER_07 23:18

And now, as soon as the camera's off, I'm gonna pull it up.

SPEAKER_05 23:21

Yeah, you're gonna be like, oh, I know this, Jim. It's the joint. Hyped every time.

SPEAKER_03 23:26

Uh SWB, uh, SWB human nature.

SPEAKER_07 23:30

I love that.

SPEAKER_03 23:31

Like hyped? Hyped. Anytime I hear SW, I get hyped with a couple of things.

SPEAKER_07 23:34

All the SWB. I I think can we by SWV gets me every time.

SPEAKER_03 23:38

And I told her, I said, yes, Coco, you can.

SPEAKER_07 23:41

I bet you did. She's gorgeous. Like, lady, are you just not gonna age? It don't matter. And her voice is still like perfection. Like, wow, she's gonna be. Is she? I guess that makes sense. They were adults when we were kids. I gotta get on it right now. Oh boy. Okay. If your life was a movie, uh, what what movie would it be or what genre? Uh say what movie it is. Fuck the genre. What movie would it be?

SPEAKER_03 24:06

That would be a comedy.

SPEAKER_07 24:07

What comedy would it be? Which one?

SPEAKER_05 24:12

I forgot the name of it.

SPEAKER_02 24:14

Nope.

SPEAKER_05 24:14

That's the happy name.

SPEAKER_07 24:15

I love that movie. That is a good movie.

SPEAKER_03 24:18

I was gonna say, since I have a child that likes to sneak in my room at night, I'm gonna call it rush hour. Get the fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_07 24:25

You leave my girl alone. You leave my girl alone. I got an hour to get it in. I knew it was gonna be some bullshit coming out of your goddamn mouth.

SPEAKER_03 24:33

Here we go. I'm like, I'll fly, nah, money talk. Why? Because I'm hustling. Okay. I'm Franklin. Selling tickets. Okay, okay. Um was it was it uh uh uh Eddie DeFonte Jr.

SPEAKER_05 24:47

Jr. Jr. Jr. Oh boy Kevin What's your movie? Uh I'm probably the same movie that I like watching, is Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Yep.

SPEAKER_07 24:55

True. Okay. Okay. You're such an interesting character.

SPEAKER_05 24:59

That's what my therapist says.

SPEAKER_07 25:00

You're very you're such an interesting character. I I love it though. I love it. I don't think your therapist calls.

SPEAKER_04 25:06

I don't know the name of the movie. This nigga therapist calls them weird.

SPEAKER_05 25:11

Not weird. You don't say weird.

SPEAKER_03 25:13

That's the nigga that's interesting. That's the polite way to say weird. Yes. Listen.

SPEAKER_02 25:17

But I've been I've been interesting my whole life.

SPEAKER_00 25:20

Well, yeah, right. Ain't nothing wrong with it.

SPEAKER_07 25:22

Ain't nothing wrong with it. Um, I don't know the name of the movie, and I don't want to hear no shit. But the Tyler Perry movie where the woman had the husband and the husband was like boring as fuck, and then she cheated on him with the nigga that that shit. She cheated. That's my whole Oh, she cheated on him with the motherfucker with AIDS? With the nigga with the not the AIDS part, but the rest of that shit is my whole setup right now. She has a nigga that wasn't remembering the birthday, then she got with the nigga, the nigga was excited, and that nigga turned out to be crazy because that nigga just did not want, yeah. Whole setup. Temptation. You wouldn't be a Tyler Perry movie. I'm probably like three of them motherfuckers. In different stages of life, I'm probably a different Tyler Perry movie.

SPEAKER_03 25:58

At first, I thought you were gonna say I can do bad by myself. You had it, you had you had a nigga in the bathtub at home.

SPEAKER_07 26:03

Listen, Christina! Christina's gone. I love that movie. She packed up all her things and some of yours. That bitch left. I love that fucking movie. But yes, temptation right now because because I had the nigga, the nigga was boring, and then I tried to give the nigga, I thought the nigga was excited, and that nigga. I don't smoke enough weed. Life lessons. I don't smoke enough weed.

SPEAKER_05 26:28

Tyler tried to tell you.

SPEAKER_04 26:29

He did. He did. He did. I don't know. They out here bashing Wuss Wilson every day. And they need to leave Russell alone.

SPEAKER_05 26:37

For quarterback, and yes.

SPEAKER_03 26:39

Need to talk about him, but they're talking about him as a man.

SPEAKER_05 26:43

Oh, he's doing fine. He's doing great. He's doing just fine.

SPEAKER_02 26:46

We're talking about Sierra. Yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_07 26:49

Quickly answer. Do you think Russell Wilson is doing the right thing by changing that young man's last name?

SPEAKER_03 26:54

That's not his decision.

SPEAKER_07 26:57

I I don't think there's a problem. The daddy is trash. That man has been stepping up as a father for him. Or if the kids said he wanted to let him be in unified in unified with his family.

SPEAKER_03 27:10

I feel like the kid wanted to be included because he was the only one in the name without the in the house without the last name.

SPEAKER_07 27:15

Right. He got the same first name as the nigga still. Y'all be all right.

SPEAKER_05 27:19

And he had to sign it.

SPEAKER_07 27:21

Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 27:22

It's not like he was like, nah. He went, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_07 27:24

All right, cool. Oh yeah, that sounds good. That makes sense. Like, yeah. Like, and that's the part that people don't understand. But it's usually the dadbeat dads that's having the problem with it.

unknown 27:32

Yeah.

Dealing With Significant Loss

SPEAKER_07 27:32

Because the real dads is like, yeah, oh well, fucking nigga. I mean, whatever. Like, but the dadbeat dads is tripping, but I don't know. But stupid. Yeah. But uh all I all uh laughs aside, we're gonna go ahead and get a little bit serious here. We're gonna speak about loss today. Um, be that loss of a job, loss of a loved one, um, just any loss and and how it has impacted your life. Um, we're gonna start this way, since we uh did most things this way. What type of impact?

SPEAKER_00 28:04

No, you're good.

SPEAKER_03 28:06

Man brain, sorry.

SPEAKER_07 28:07

Okay, I'll be tired of you. Okay, it really be you, okay, because you trigger him and then he gets the starting, and I and then he comes in. Whoa, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_06 28:19

Pause, pause, like whatever.

SPEAKER_02 28:24

Someone read it like that yesterday.

SPEAKER_03 28:26

A lot of coming.

SPEAKER_02 28:27

What welcome back?

SPEAKER_07 28:33

I don't know, guys. I'm nowhere in sight for any of the coming. What type of loss impacted you the most and how did you handle it? And when they asked what type of loss, it's like family, job, yourself. Nick, did you lose your motherfucking self?

SPEAKER_02 28:48

It's it's the combination. Uh, when I lost my dad, uh it was uh something I wasn't anticipating or ready for. Um, but it it made me question who I was growing up because it was just me and him for uh most of my life. So when he died, it just kind of made me question who I was. So in turn I lost myself, and then I was trying to figure out uh who I was without being Jesse, the the barber son. And uh then that realization is which was the hardest, is like those those stories and those uh those memories we have. I it's minds alone to share, and when that shit hits you, it hits you like like a ton of bricks at those times because you realize that no one else on this earth knows what the hell you're talking about, and that except that person. When they're not here to have that conversation with you, kinda it kind of hit it's like a ri a revolving door of whole shit. Like that's just it's just you now. So all those the memories of us moving and and uh the the stories where it was just me and him with the cops. Or whatever, like it's just minds to to to have now. And it's it's uh that's trying to get back from that was the the hardest loss I had to take. It was just trying to realize that I'm not uh the what I am without him, and uh that that's a it was a hard thing to go through, but it I think it made me stronger.

unknown 30:20

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 30:21

You know, I agree. Um, I wasn't on the podcast when you lost your dad, but we were, I think that was kind of at the beginning of us being friends. That's kind of what made me you posting about um his last days onto his transition is kind of what brought my attention to your page. And just to have seen you grow and elevate over that time, I know you're making him proud. Your elevation has been amazing. I appreciate it. I've watched every step of the way from you going through that, starting to the healing process, buying your home, just elevating with your family, having your son, and just so many things that I know he's so proud of you.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_07 31:01

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_05 31:02

You know what? When you were saying that, I thought some that's kind of like in the moment now, like while you're dealing with that, that's like it sucks. But I'm like, I'm thinking further along, like how cool that is. Like, you'll have things that'll pop up with your kids where you can tell them and be like, oh, we was and then like you get to keep that going, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 31:21

So it's like I gotta learn to be a better storyteller. Because my dad was the storyteller, so I gotta learn to be like him in storytelling because my storytelling You're a rapper, nigga. You got to yeah, I can write, yeah, but I can't like tell a funny story in that sense, like it's different.

SPEAKER_01 31:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:37

If I just tell you about a Milted Titty that I might have may have seen in a progress photo.

SPEAKER_06 31:42

Jesus Henry. Oh gosh. Uh I have pecs now, though. Nigga, you. You who is you?

SPEAKER_05 31:58

She's pointing for a while.

SPEAKER_07 32:01

But anyway, um What's it, Limb Biscuit?

SPEAKER_05 32:03

Limb Biscuit. Go ahead, biscuit. Um, she said biscuit, like a little doggy. Just go, please. You know what? I'll say I'll go with uh loss of a friend, like not death, but like in the the the losing of a friend, like not knowing that was coming. Pause.

SPEAKER_06 32:29

Um, because nobody thought that.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

I did. Go ahead. Continue on. That's just me though.

SPEAKER_05 32:39

I told you whole life. Triflex. So it's like, yeah, it makes you question a lot of shit. And uh yeah, think once you figure out it's like you weren't wrong in certain things and things you did wrong, you could you could like because you have to think about everything. It's so oh, because there's somebody you thought was gonna be like lifelong, all that stuff, and then it just oh, okay, well, what the fuck? But I guess that's that's life. Oh, that's my phone. Sorry. You didn't hear that right. Um, yeah. That's what I'm gonna go with.

SPEAKER_02 33:14

It's I remember when uh Sejor passed, and I was telling my dad that was like that the one thing that uh always sits in my head every time we hear a loss again, is like he's like, that was your first one. He's like, it's just gonna keep happening. Uh and every time it happens, his voice that hits me, he's like, Oh, that was your first one. Yeah, it's just gonna keep happening. And like the realization in his face when he said it was like, Yeah, rip the band-aid off, nigga, it's just gonna keep it just sucked that it was that goddamn young. Yeah. He said when I was, I think I was 19. 18, yeah, 19. Yeah, I remember him saying that, I was like, shit, and he just Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:01

I think in the fashion that that uh I you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, like the way that went, I was just like, what the fuck? So it's like I don't know. Like at first I kind of questioned shit, but like after a while you get like calls and shit. It's like you know you were solid, so it's like fuck it. Like I don't know how else to put it, like at that point. Cause if I did some foul shit, I get it. It's like you gotta own that, but it's like yeah, nah dog, get the fuck out of here with that. I didn't, so it's cool. We just went a different way, that's what I'll say.

SPEAKER_07 34:41

Let's go.

SPEAKER_03 34:47

I wouldn't say lost my grandparents, but that was very impactful uh to me, but I think what's been the most impactful is probably uh uh last year when I lost myself and I had to figure out who I was again. I think that was um a lot harder than um losing my grandparents because when I lost my grandparents, I I still had I still had what they taught me. You know, when I lost myself, it was kind of like trying to figure out who I was or what I wanted all over again. So it was like a harder, a a deeper, a deeper hole to uh hole to come out of than um just dealing with grief and and loss. And it really wasn't like I always like I've said many, many times, it forced me to look at myself and and see where my life was headed and what I wanted where and what was important and reevaluate things. So I think that's bad.

SPEAKER_02 35:49

Even that situation you had to deal with is unfamiliar territory, because I don't know too many people that could tell you, oh, this is how you maneuver that like that. So you for you figuring that out, like you done.

SPEAKER_07 36:04

I'm done. Oh boy, okay. Uh hell I done forgot the damn question. I read it, okay. Damn. Okay. Um forgot it shit. Um, this year has been full of loss for me. I definitely lost my mind myself. I am in the process of losing my husband at my own, because I said so. And um recently, three weeks ago, I lost a baby, which is why I have not been on the podcast, guys. Um, those pregnancy losses are probably a consistent worst for me because it happens so often. It's been going on for 15 years. Um, I think they are what pushed me to lose my mind sometimes because I'm recognizing um as I as I go along, one that I I shut people out. I will tell you I'm cool when I'm not. And that is the time when you need people most. So I think those losses, but more in particularly, this particular pregnancy loss and the one that I had in 2017 when I lost my twins, were probably the absolute worst and most eye-opening ones that I've actually experienced. So there's my truth, and that's where I've been, y'all. So don't nobody else write me and ask me where I'm at because that's where I've been.

SPEAKER_03 37:34

So you've been telling people you outside.

SPEAKER_07 37:35

I I I just been like, I'm okay. Yeah, I'll say, she outside. I'll be back. She outside, like Cardi said. Okay. Okay. Um, but yeah, that's that's where I've where I have been this entire time. Um, have you lost a friendship that you thought would last forever and what happened? Let me go first. Okay. Because I swear to God, I thought me and Tiffany was gonna be old together. And I am still flabbergasted that she like my it's it's I think what brought me to like realization like how long I've been that girl's friend is my sister, who is 10 years younger than me. Yes, Dominique. I know my favorite. Um, she mentioned and said, I it's sad that you guys are not friends no more, even for me, because I've known her as long as I've known you. And that that did something to me. Like, I that I literally thought that as long as we've been friends, we'd be able to bounce back from anything. I've had girls I've known longer, I mean, I've known less time, that I've probably had a more of a falling out with that we were able to be adult enough to bounce back. So the fact that me and her don't even speak, her grandma is sick and she didn't even tell me.

SPEAKER_06 38:52

Oh wow.

Lost Friendships That Mattered

SPEAKER_07 38:53

And I'm very like, girl, like, girl. Um, luckily, I still have a cool relationship with her brother, but girl, like nothing, nothing that transpired between me and her would have ever prepared me for me and her not speaking because not like we owe each other money, or we whipped each other's ass, or we slipped each other's man or something like that. Um, so I'm still in utter shock that we couldn't mend those wounds. So, yeah, that's that's the one.

SPEAKER_02 39:29

I'm gonna there's a couple, but there's this one I'm gonna say specifically because I had a conversation with JC recently about this. Um, and it's since you said her name, I can uh Tyrell. Um it's a trip because me and him know each other since second grade, and um and I you would never think that uh we wouldn't like be cool with each other because of how long we known each other, but and you think the the reasoning behind it is based off of essentially him being part of Primarica? That shit's crazy to me. And uh when you realize this is like multiple people that he's no longer cool with because of that company is just like it's mind-boggling to think about because you're thinking like, nigga, we go back since elementary school.

SPEAKER_05 40:16

Over the insurance? Yeah, that nigga take that shit to the spirit. Yeah, like we're like cult shit.

SPEAKER_02 40:22

Yeah. Yeah. And when I didn't sign up, it became one of those, well, if you're not with me, you're against me, kind of things. And it was like, nigga, like it's but and then like I think the turning point for me is when uh Andreas was born, I had invited him to come see see him, and he was still trying to sell me on that shit. And I was like, nigga, this is about me to my son. This has nothing to do with you trying to sell me on something. And that that's when I hit my yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 40:53

Well, maybe they done rubbed off on each other.

SPEAKER_02 40:56

Something I just know that shit.

SPEAKER_07 40:57

They used to date, that's why it's a his friend and my friends, they were together for a very long time. So maybe they done rubbed off on each other, but I do know he does take that primary because you take that shit seriously to the spirit, baby. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 41:09

Kev, it's the same as the the last shit that you know. I'm not speaking names. Nigga told me to stay on my side, I'm gonna stay on my side. Don't worry about it. Like that's where I'm at. So that's where I'm at.

SPEAKER_03 41:23

I don't think I lost any friends. I don't I don't deem a lot of people friends, so we know.

SPEAKER_02 41:31

We know, and I still I have the camera caught that look, like he looked at her like I don't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_07 41:40

It's because he knows he called me friend, and I screenshot at that shit because I knew I was never gonna hear it again, so I screenshotted it.

SPEAKER_03 41:47

Uh oh, I lost one friend, whatever. Dez the diva.

SPEAKER_07 41:49

Nope, nope, nope, we locked in now.

SPEAKER_02 41:53

The fact that he looked at her when she said that we we locked in now. I'm not friends with Des.

SPEAKER_03 41:58

I'm friends with Desiree. It's different.

SPEAKER_07 42:00

Whatever. We are locked in. No, we're not. Yes, we are, and I'm locked in with your wife. I like her, she's just so like about to block you from all our devices. Nope, nope, I like her. She's just so lit. Like, I like her. She's a vibe.

SPEAKER_03 42:15

Don't be a hater.

SPEAKER_07 42:17

I would never hate on my wife. Don't hate her. I'm trying to be a name. Oh, okay, Kevin.

SPEAKER_00 42:22

Which no, the song's stuck in my head.

SPEAKER_07 42:24

How do you balance grieving what's um grieving what's gone while moving forward? Ooh.

SPEAKER_05 42:32

That's like I don't know. I just have no choice. That's how I feel.

SPEAKER_02 42:35

It sounds fucked up, but it's I I'll say for me, it was easier when Alark was born.

SPEAKER_05 42:41

You got busy. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:43

Distraction. And it was just kind of like a void that he filled when my dad passed, where it was kind of like for that whole however long that was before, there was a weird void in my heart that when Alark was born, it kind of like, okay, I guess this was supposed to take the place of that. And I took I took peace in that.

SPEAKER_03 43:05

Okay, I can rock with that. Because like when I had my depression spell and I was really depressed, and I feel like the ultimatum my wife gave me kind of snapped me out of it and had me, got me to a level of maintaining. But then when she got pregnant, that like pushed my like my effort and my drive into like overdrive.

SPEAKER_06 43:23

Okay. Nice.

unknown 43:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 43:24

And now I wish she that that girl cost too much money.

SPEAKER_06 43:27

Leave her alone. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 43:30

She's about to be an Ellis. You can you can change her last name. We're done. You can change your last name to Ellis. No, she can come visit. No, she can stay. Come visit, whenever. Because at 17, we're gonna move out next year, so you're gonna have a room free.

SPEAKER_05 43:44

So I no, that's an office. Because we gotta make money.

SPEAKER_07 43:48

Why she gotta don't make her move out next year. Well, you're making her do next year. She went to college.

SPEAKER_05 43:53

Nah, she don't believe in that shit.

SPEAKER_07 43:55

She just said, fuck it. I'm gonna.

SPEAKER_05 43:56

Yeah, she wanna go live with her dad.

SPEAKER_07 43:58

Oh, okay. Do he live for her? Because I tell her when she got her drivers.

SPEAKER_05 44:01

You live in Vegas.

SPEAKER_07 44:02

No, I told that girl when she got her drivers, like she needs to drive me around. Now she's trying to move to Vegas. I'm about to talk to her.

SPEAKER_02 44:07

Yeah, I mean or you could move to Vegas.

SPEAKER_05 44:10

Hang out to Vegas in Vegas and then have her drive you around.

SPEAKER_07 44:14

You think I need a DD? I'm so goddamn tired of America. I'm I'm fucking Vegas. I'm finna be in Thailand with Herman.

SPEAKER_05 44:20

Herman? Like Sebastian.

SPEAKER_07 44:22

Sebastian?

SPEAKER_05 44:22

Oh, yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_07 44:24

Right over.

SPEAKER_05 44:24

I was thinking uh Nope, I know nope, nope, nope politics. That's like Herman.

SPEAKER_07 44:29

Did everybody answer?

SPEAKER_05 44:30

Yeah, I think I did.

SPEAKER_07 44:32

But you uh my nigga, I knew that. That's why I asked if y'all answered so I can get my answer. God damn. Think about it.

SPEAKER_03 44:45

Three niggas answers already.

Balancing Grief While Moving Forward

SPEAKER_07 44:46

I don't, I I don't balance grieving well. That's the that's the that's the that's the fucking answer. I don't balance it well. I thought I was balancing it well because I would have a miscarriage and then go to work. Miscarriage, go to work, go back to daily life, go back to whatever, whatever. This miscarriage here, uh-uh. Um, I'm learning now how to balance grieving because I be like, oh Jesus, the the the wrong customer gonna catch me on the right day. And it's just gonna be That's me or like whatever. And I think it's I think it's what it is, and and and and and and this is for specifically for the women. I think as women, and not in particularly when they have men like you three, but some of the just like typical type of men, women have to get up, we still have to work. If you have children, you still have to be a mom. If you um are the breadwinner, which in a lot of households, women are the breadwinner. What was that?

SPEAKER_03 45:45

What is what was that?

SPEAKER_07 45:46

My house. You still have I still I couldn't take time off work to grief. I couldn't, because if I did, then my bills wouldn't get paid. So I didn't have an opportunity to say, hey, like my mental is fucking suffering right now. And a lot of times when you suffer this type of loss, people have no fucking idea what to say to you. And I say that because, and let me be very clear. And although I have some of the most amazing female friends, it is the male friends that have stepped up for me. You three and Damien, um, which is a long-term friend of mine. Um, and then I have another friend, I'm not gonna say his name because he has his own platform. I don't know if he wants me to say his name, but have been some of the most amazing supporters. And a lot of times you don't get that because people don't know what to say. Even just you, the the men in my life had the common sense to just say, Hey, we love you, we're here, do you need anything? Yeah, everybody else tries to make sense of it for you. Well, you know, it wasn't God's timing, and you know, and you try again. You could just do first of all, you can't tell people to try again because if you've tried as many times as I've tried, you get tired at some point. And you really shouldn't tell people it wasn't God's timing, it wasn't in God's will, because it although I understand the sentiments behind it, when you say that to people, they start to think shit like, well, I mean, crackheads have babies. Like, nigga.

SPEAKER_05 47:17

I'm sorry, I get what you're saying, but like, damn.

SPEAKER_07 47:21

Like, nigga, crackheads got babies, like it's niggas, that's like we, and the time that I'm in the bed and I'm facing that I'm going to lose this baby, I'm watching the news and if and you cryping the nigga done killed that damn baby, they can't even find a motherfucking baby back. And you can't convince me that that was in God's timing. Also, if someone has a two-year-old, God forbid, and that kid passes, you're not gonna tell that mom that that was in God's timing. So balancing, balancing that that portion of grieving and not lashing out on people for saying shit, because I know they mean well, but a lot of times people say shit and they be having me want to tell they ass the knuckle if you like. Deadass. Deadass. I usually say I'm I literally be wanting to fuck people up.

SPEAKER_05 48:03

I just say I love you.

SPEAKER_07 48:04

Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Like, and I just, you know, I just it was your wife though that had me that put it into perspective for me because I kept saying I thought she was about to say she's the one.

SPEAKER_00 48:15

I was like, damn, man, no, no.

SPEAKER_07 48:16

No, no, no. I kept saying, I'm okay, I'm okay. It was your wife and him. I kept saying, I'm okay, I'm okay, her first. And she said, No, you're not, and it's okay that you're not. Like, this shit ain't okay. Like, and then I told him like something that I that was bugging me, and he was just like, Yeah, nigga, because you ain't cool. Like, you're not okay, nigga. Like, and I'm just like, I uh you right, nigga.

SPEAKER_06 48:43

Like, because you did, probably part of me.

SPEAKER_07 48:48

You did, because it not only made me cry, but I giggled a little bit because I was like, this nigga do not stray away from being a real ass nigga, boy. I tell you, even in his softest moments, this nigga gonna be a real nigga. But yeah, it it is definitely it's hard to grieve this. It is hard to grieve this, and I'm doing it sober so I don't become a crackhead, so I ain't smoked no weed and I ain't did no drinking, but I swear to god, the weed is probably finna get roped. But hey, hey, but um, what are some healthy coping uh mechanisms that you've learned that you have um leaned on?

SPEAKER_03 49:22

Therapy. That's all I got.

SPEAKER_07 49:24

You're fucking right.

SPEAKER_03 49:25

Everything else, everything I got else, everything else is unhealthy.

SPEAKER_07 49:28

Yeah, therapy for sure.

SPEAKER_03 49:30

The gym for me.

SPEAKER_07 49:31

We see.

SPEAKER_03 49:32

That's unhealthy. Is it?

SPEAKER_07 49:34

How?

SPEAKER_03 49:35

I'll tell you why I have to cut the camera off.

SPEAKER_02 49:37

Jesus Henry. I just know it was healthier than masturbating.

SPEAKER_00 49:40

Oh, why the fuck?

SPEAKER_02 49:42

Maybe I just know right now, I'm as I said, my fucking shoulder was aching. I'm like, goddamn, 40 years old. Uh is that from the gym or masturbation? Both. Possibly a combination, yeah. I do kind of get Oh, you get never mind.

SPEAKER_00 50:02

We we can stop this.

SPEAKER_07 50:03

Don't do that shit while you sit next to me.

SPEAKER_03 50:06

Oh shit. You don't understand. When you go to the gym, the side effect of working out like your your drive, that shit hits a million.

SPEAKER_02 50:15

Yeah, my shoulder is fucking throbbing right now. Oh, from yeah, I can see that.

SPEAKER_03 50:21

Yeah. All that goddamn testosterone, you'd be like, I'm trying to take down everything I see.

SPEAKER_02 50:26

Yeah. Like you try to push through shit. Sometimes you don't you shouldn't be trying to push through shit. Like, nigga, just take put less weight on. It's okay.

SPEAKER_07 50:37

Oh my goodness. Did you did you did you answer uh uh the biscuit?

SPEAKER_05 50:42

I think uh creativity. I gotta be it's a good outlet for me.

SPEAKER_07 50:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 50:48

Using whatever creativity I can use. I'll fuck with the freestyles, by the way. The 16? I laughed at that because I was like, that was 16 seconds. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_07 50:59

I said, is this nigga rap? Yeah, that's the same thing I said.

SPEAKER_02 51:02

He's because what Maurice told me, he was like, Yeah, man, I saw Kevin Ross. I said, nigga, y'all don't know. That's that's Deuce Quattro. It used to be Deuce the Raster. Yeah, Deuce Yes.

SPEAKER_05 51:14

I had 16 seconds in me, like that's what That's what she said. Awesome.

SPEAKER_07 51:18

Um she never said, Who the fuck said they only had 16 seconds? I wish. Sure.

SPEAKER_03 51:24

Hey, look here. I wish way less work.

SPEAKER_07 51:29

Nope, nope, nope. We're not gonna go there. What is one lesson or piece of wisdom that you would pass on to someone that's currently struggling with loss?

SPEAKER_03 51:39

You gotta talk about it. You can't hold the you can't hold it in because all you're gonna do is uh damage yourself. You gotta talk about it. It's like my therapist said, You gotta make time before time makes itself.

SPEAKER_07 51:54

Your therapist must be black.

SPEAKER_03 51:55

She is. I know it. She she be on my ass.

SPEAKER_07 51:58

I know it. I know it.

SPEAKER_03 51:59

Um sometimes I'm like, I can't talk to you today.

SPEAKER_02 52:08

Uh do not detach it. Is not always a healthy uh way of dealing with shit. Don't detach.

SPEAKER_03 52:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 52:17

Get the fuck out. Okay. Uh biscuit.

SPEAKER_05 52:26

Uh it's okay to like not be okay. It's uh it's fine. Sit in it. Like, not like that, don't sit in it, but you know what I mean? Like, feel that.

SPEAKER_06 52:37

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_02 52:40

Well, you said biscuit. I was waiting for you to go. Come on. Come on, biscuit.

SPEAKER_07 52:46

I'm so fucking sorry. It ain't even been a whole hour, y'all. And I just I'm ready to go. Uh shit. Is it my is it me? Yeah, it's you. Yeah. Um, okay, so all of my advice is gonna be centered around a loss because that's what I'm dealing with right now. And um, ladies, give yourself grace. It's not your fault. It's it's definitely not your fault. Don't um beat up on yourself for this. Get very good doctors, get a very good doctor team and create life with people that pour life into you. Because when you suffer these losses, when you suffer really anything in life, but when you suffer these losses, you're gonna want to be with someone who at least tries to understand where you're coming from enough to be there for you, to be that shoulder for you to cry on, to be that person to provide a hug, or you know, it is amazing to have a team, but it's nothing like having that person that you lost that child with be the person that is front and center. So be very mindful who you give your body to um because it's gonna make a really big difference in your healing process. Heaven forbid this happens to you. So that's my word of advice. And uh we're gonna wrap up. But before we do that, I want everybody to give me 30 seconds of encouragement and what you take away from today.

SPEAKER_05 54:21

30 seconds? 30 seconds. God damn, man. Like, have you ever tried to stare at somebody for 30 seconds? It's a long time.

SPEAKER_07 54:28

Yeah, I was at that first.

SPEAKER_05 54:29

Hell yeah, that's that concert, like well, if you did it for 30 seconds, somebody went, Hey, look at her.

Final Words of Encouragement

SPEAKER_07 54:37

What the fuck wrong with her? I would just get stuck and after they'd be like, it's your soul!

SPEAKER_05 54:42

And I would just be like, Did you say uh encouragement? Yeah, encouragement, encouragement, you're saying encouragement.

SPEAKER_07 54:57

Um It don't have to be 30 seconds, even with you.

SPEAKER_05 54:59

Honestly, just it's I all I still feel that. Like I've been writing with this shit on my on my post, like from back in uh my early comedy days, it's P wet. And I really believe that positivity wins every time. It's like even through all negative shit, like you like you live, you with that, the silver lining, all that shit. There's always something. Like even in bad shit. So find it and just remember positivity wins every time. It just does. Mr. Positivity.

SPEAKER_03 55:32

Yeah I'm just gonna say uh I know it's cliche, but whatever it is, it sucks, but it could be worse. So talk about it. Because it could always it no matter how bad it is, it could be taken a step further. That's true.

unknown 55:49

That's true.

SPEAKER_02 55:50

Like I said at the beginning before we started, was the life is gonna keep life in, but the silver lining of it all is that you're st you're living. I mean, there's a lot of people ain't living. That's that's filled in graveyards and and um stuck on skid rows and or stalking, but you're living your life, so as long as you're living it, live.

SPEAKER_07 56:15

You said stalking?

SPEAKER_02 56:16

Stalking, yeah. Stalking. They're they're they're worried about other people's lives instead of living theirs.

SPEAKER_05 56:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:22

So if you're living your life, yeah, you're doing better than where everybody else is.

SPEAKER_03 56:27

You got a lot of people that's living there ain't living.

SPEAKER_02 56:29

That's what I'm saying. So as long as you're living your life.

SPEAKER_03 56:32

And you got some people on skid roll that want to be there.

SPEAKER_06 56:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:35

I've seen some happy people on skid roll, yeah, that's true.

unknown 56:38

Huh.

SPEAKER_05 56:38

But they living, fuck it. Like, because that's what it is. Two tears in the bucket.

SPEAKER_07 56:45

My my word of encouragement, ladies, is to advocate for yourself in in every aspect. Um, in like I mentioned earlier, in the medical aspect, especially if you're a black woman. No shade to anybody else, but especially if you're a black woman, because they do not, they ain't looking out for us, y'all. The the doctor is to black women with the police is to black men. So definitely um advocate for yourself. And don't be afraid to say what you need from others. Like, if you need time, if you just need to vent, if you need a hug, if you need love, support, don't be afraid to to tell your team this is hey, this is where I need you to show up for me. Because holding this in is gonna, boy, I tell you, I made the mistake of not ever letting out what I honestly feel felt in these moments, and now I'm paying for it because now, eight babies later, 15 years later, I'm grieving for all of them. I almost got through the whole damn episode. God damn.

SPEAKER_03 57:51

Um, you know you're a softy, you gonna cry no matter what.

SPEAKER_07 57:55

It's because I haven't been smoking weed, okay?

SPEAKER_05 57:57

Well then, yeah, you gotta let it feel.

SPEAKER_07 58:00

I we're gonna wrap up right now, but I do want to say one thing. My granny girl got out of the hospital and she watches our podcast. So shout out to my granny. What up, granny? Okay, because she's strong as hell. And you go, girl. Super proud of you, Miss Peggy. And thank you guys for coming in and watching and continuing to support us. Make sure that you like, share, subscribe, comment. All that shit. Respond to the shit I be asking y'all everything. And until next time, peace.

SPEAKER_04 58:27

Peace.